


In This Life and Any Other

by kireiflora



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Nightmare, So much angst, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-26 22:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 50,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5023861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kireiflora/pseuds/kireiflora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama thought life was simple. He'd play volleyball and do whatever it took to pay the bills in the future, and he'd fight his way to the top, to nationals, to internationals, to the olympics. It was simple.</p><p>And Hinata would be there, of course. He couldn't imagine it any other way anymore.</p><p>But...life was not that simple.</p><p>Well, it should've been, but something went wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In an instant everything changes for Kageyama Tobio.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iwillstillopenthewindow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillstillopenthewindow/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title subject to change, I just went with something that sounded good.
> 
> I learned the wonderful iwillstillopenthewindow's birthday was coming up and wanted to write her something...it got away from me. In a big way. I got too ambitious with my 'go big or go home'. So much so that I had to change it from a one shot into multi-chaptered so I could give her at least part of it on her birthday. I'm thinking this will be at least 10k by the end and probably more. (I hope I did the gift the fic to thing right)

If Kageyama was honest he wasn’t 100% sure what was going on at the moment. He hadn’t payed much attention to the different emergency drills and wasn’t sure what one long bell meant. Judging from the lack of heading outside it wasn’t fire, and he didn’t think it was a natural disaster either…which pretty much left only a lockdown.

The upperclassmen however turned as white as sheet, and judging by the panicked glance Ukai and Takeda shared this wasn’t a planned drill, or at least not one they let the teachers in on.

Ukai jumped up and headed for the doors as Takeda gathered the team and made them sit under the windows on one side. Ukai looked around outside for a little bit longer before closing and locking the doors, moving around to the other doors with Takeda quickly catching up to help.

The whispers started up quickly but Ukai spun and fixed them with a glare that immediately shut them up. After a few minutes the two sat a bit away from the kids, who took that as a sign they were going to be there awhile and shifted around to get comfortable. Kageyama reclined back onto his hands, bumping into someone. He twisted and gave, Ennoshita it turned out, his best apologetic look.

Ennoshita nodded back at him and leaned against the wall as Kageyama looked around. Hinata was a meter to his left, rolling a ball back and forth between his hands. He grabbed the one between his own legs, picking it up and spinning it in his hands, feeling the comforting buzz and burr against his skin.

Shimizu had supplied a few of them with paper and a pencil to exchange notes. Tsukishima had quietly dug in his bag and was now sharing an ear bud with Yamaguchi, both had their eyes closed.

He was looking up at the ceiling, letting his thoughts wonder, he thought about Hinata mostly, how he’d barged into his life not once but twice, how he’d dispelled many of his fears and doubts without even trying. He thought about how he knew Hinata would always be there to spike any toss he sent, how he wouldn’t abandon him just because he was a difficult person. He knew that, he wasn’t that oblivious. He thought about how Hinata had also wormed his way regularly into his lunch time, and break time, convincing him to do things or just hang out with him. Only sometimes playing volleyball during break. He thought about how determined he was to get better so he would toss to him to begin with. He thought about how Hinata became discouraged and how somehow, he managed to find the words to dispel his doubts as well. He wasn’t sure how he managed to do it, he was bad with his words normally but something about Hinata doubting himself managed to make him find the right words. He found himself thankful that the physical embodiment of the sun had rolled into his life, brightening it and he was glad he was able to give something back.

When he was feeling his lowest, ‘I’m here!’ would spring into his mind and he knew he was doing something right. The literal sun had looked out for him.

He wished he wasn’t left to his thoughts, he was thinking stupid sentimental things.

Kageyama wondered if maybe, he might have a crush on his partner.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when something bumped into his leg, he looked down and saw a volleyball and an embarrassed looking Hinata. He sighed and gently rolled it back, not wanting to risk Ukai’s anger by saying anything.

There was a sudden bang on one of the doors around the gym and everyone jumped as Ukai and Takeda shared a a worried glance before silently shushing them; not that they needed it, they had all froze silent, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima taking out their ear buds.

The ball he’d rolled tapped Hinata who jumped slightly, but held back a surprised exclamation. It was incredibly tense in the gym as they sat beneath the windows.

After a few minutes Takeda glanced at Ukai and slowly rose to a crouch, moving away from the team before standing to peak out the window. He immediately ducked back down causing everyone to freeze up even more if that were possible, he could feel his heartbeat strong in his ears, drowning out the small noises of breathing.

Then a door on the opposite side of the gym flew open.

They all stared in horror at the man, or more specifically, the gun in his hand. Nobody moved, he didn’t think anyone was even breathing anymore.

They heard a police siren and the man glowered, is that what I look like all the time? Kageyama wondered blankly, belatedly understanding why people didn’t like him. He was aware of a slightly trembling Hinata that had moved closer at some point and he reached out blindly to hold on to him in some way before the idiot charged at the man or something. Though Hinata was more likely to hide behind someone than go towards the scary guy. His mind offered, recalling when he met Oikawa or The Iron Wall. It wasn’t much of a comfort.

The man looked at the group of 12 kids, glaring as if it were their fault the police were coming, and things happened very fast. Kageyama saw the gun raise in his direction, was his kid on my old team? He couldn’t help but wonder in that split-second. The thing he was holding onto moved and he became aware of Hinata in front of him at the same moment he heard the gunshot.

It didn’t seem real.

He could only watch in stunned horror as Hinata jerked, crying out in pain, and fell back into his lap as his mind attempted to process what had just happened. Had the idiot jumped in front of him intending to take any shot that came his way? That seemed ridiculous. They didn’t hate each other anymore but, to put his life on the line for his? He couldn’t even fathom it.

The sight would be forever burned into his eyes, he thought as he clumsily caught him.

“HINATA!” several voices screamed in horror.

Kageyama could only watch the red spread across the boy’s white shirt silently, clumsily pressing down on the wound like that could stop it. He felt utterly useless. How could this have happened? Why did the idiot jump in front of him?!

“Please be okay you can’t do something stupid like die like this! Dumbass!” someone was begging desperately.

Oh that was him.

Hinata looked up at him, and he could only stare in shock as the dumbass smiled.

“What are you smiling for?! You-you’ve been-” he couldn’t even say it.

“Yo-you’re okay.”

“I’m not okay! Dumbass!” his vision blurred and he tried to rub his eyes on his shoulder, unwilling to pull his hands away.

“It’s okay.” Hinata caughed. He was dimly aware of the circle of teens around them, and part of him wondered what’d happened to the guy. “I-I’m invincible as long as you’re here, remember?” he smiled, actually smiled, up at him.

Kageyama stared incomprehensibly at him. “W-what?”

“And you’re invincible as long as I’m here.” He added.

“Dumbass! That wasn’t-it’s not the same-You’ve been shot!” he finally exclaimed.

“A-and you weren’t. So it’s fine.” He coughed and Kageyama’s head snapped up, looking for paramedics. “H-hey Kageyama…?”

He looked back down at the one who had been his sunlight for so long without him noticing, “W-what is it?” he rubbed his eyes into his sleeve again.

“I think I love you.” He said softly.

He gasped, hearing others gasp as well but it was like they were on the other side of a wall, he could barely hear anything outside of Hinata. “Y-you what?”

There were tears sliding down his face now, “I love you Kageyama.” It felt like something fell into place and like the floor had been swiped out from under him at the same time.

“H-Hinata…”

“I just felt like I had to say it…” his voice was drifting off now.

“I-I…” he couldn’t force the words past his lips, past the growing lump in his throat. “M-me too.” He managed to spit out.

Hinata’s face, which had slowly been pulling into a grimace of pain suddenly brightened and he grinned up at him, “R-really?”

“Yes dumbass! I wouldn’t just say something like that!” he wanted to look away but was afraid he would be gone when he looked back if he did.

“T-that makes me…really happy…” he was fading out in the middle of sentences now.

“S-so you can’t leave me! Okay?” he said desperately, not caring that the whole team was watching, begging silently for the paramedics to show up quickly.

“I don’t…want to but…I don’t think I get much choice.” He was still grinning up at him and he hated it. Hated how he wouldn’t stop smiling up at him like everything was okay, like he wasn’t dying in his arms. Like he wasn’t soaked in his blood.

“Dumbass why…why did you do that? I would…rather it have been the other way…”

Hinata glared up at him. “I wasn’t going to just l-let you die!” he seemed to get some of his life back. “Especially when y-you’re getting along so well with the team now…”

“Y-you idiot…” he was choking on his tears now, not bothering to try and wipe them off.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t tell you sooner…” he seemed to be struggling for breath now, and he tried to sit him up slightly in an attempt to help.

“Idiot…” he mumbled again, holding him tighter. “…thank you.” He finally managed to say.

“You win this one.”

He stared down at him uncomprehendingly before he glared weakly at him, “I don’t want to win this one. This is a loss.”

He nodded weakly. “Ka…Tobio…” he said softly.

He sat up straighter, “D-don’t do that! Don’t call my first name like you’re…”

“Mm…use mine.” He asked.

“S-s-Shou-Shouyou…you can’t just leave me like this.” He demanded, shaking his head slightly, “You didn’t go to the top of the world with me.”

He frowned at that and he found himself thinking finally, finally the idiot isn’t smiling as he bleeds out.

“Being with you…was like being…there.” He smiled back up at him and he felt himself blush brightly.

“Dumbass!” he muttered. “You can’t just say things like that.”

“I wanted…to see your face…when I did.”

“You can see my face when you say other stupid things if you don’t d-die on me!” he objected and heard the note of pleading in his own voice. He was vaguely aware of a sudden commotion and shouting and running.

“I would…like that.” He said softly.

Kageyama glanced and saw finally that the paramedics had finally gotten there. He leaned down for a moment and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. The dazed and happy look Hinata gave him as he was pulled away from him both made his heart swell and broke it. He was so sure he was never going to see him again. It didn’t feel like that much time had passed but he still felt so sure he was never going to see him again once he let him go. He ran after the gurney without a thought. “Hin-Shouyou! Promise me something!” he demanded, he saw the weak nod, “Promise me you’ll come back, and see all the stupid faces I make!” it was the only thing he could think of that might hold some sort of sway over him.

Hinata let out a bark of a laugh and nodded slightly as he was loaded into the ambulance.

Kageyama slowed to a walk as they drove off, and could only watch him go, and hope he did come back.

“Kageyama!” Sugawara called, catching up to him. “Kageyama…are you okay?”

He blinked at him uncomprehending what he was saying. “I wasn’t the one shot…”

Sugawara nodded slightly, “But it was still something horrible. I’m worried about Hinata of course, but I can’t do anything for him, but I can try and help you, Kageyama.”

He stared at him for a moment and looked back at the empty road. “…I just…want him to come back…”

Sugawara stared at him for a moment before he grabbed his shirt and spun him around, pulling him into a lose hug. “It’ll be okay Kageyama. Let it out.”

He stood there, unmoving for a moment before he started shaking in the loose hold. “S-Sugawara-san…” he stuttered. “H-he…for me.”

“I know Kageyama, he loves you very much.” He smiled slightly, tightening his arms around him.

“I’m not worth it.” He mumbled softly.

“Hinata thinks you are, and you’re important to the rest of us too.” He replied.

“W-what will we do if he doesn’t come back?” his arms raised around his senpai slightly. “What will I do without him there?”

“We will get by. We’ll grieve and bury the sadness in practices until nothing can hurt anymore, and slowly the pain will dull.” He rubbed his back slightly. “And we will be there for you. Even after we graduate. You can always call us.” He pulled him closer as he started sobbing. “Shhh,” he hummed softly, rubbing his back more.

 

Hinata didn’t come back.

 

He didn’t feel like he could forgive him for that. Even as he stared at the picture of him sitting in front of his gravestone. He knew it was stupid and petty; Hinata hadn’t wanted to die. He just hadn’t wanted Kageyama to. But it felt like he was anyway. Surely death would’ve been better than this unending pulsing pain from the hole in his chest that Hinata had wormed himself into without him noticing. He kept finding himself looking for him, he’d gotten so used to his constant presence he didn’t know what to do without him.

There were so many things he wished he’d said. Wished he’d done. From just giving him more tosses to confessing earlier.

Hinata was dead.

And it was all his fault.

The guilt ate away at him as much as the pain did. He stopped going to practice. It just reminded him about Hinata. He was constantly throwing too-fast tosses, as if begging Hinata to jump from nowhere and spike it, and get mad at him ‘I’m the only one that gets those! You’re a horrible boyfriend!’ he would yell and he’d be so happy to see him… He was just messing the team up anyway. They didn’t need him screwing up on top of their own grief.

Sugawara-san had tried to help, he’d spoken to him a few times but it didn’t help. Everyone, even Tsukishima had tried to cheer him up. It wasn’t Sugawara or the team’s fault, but nothing could patch the hole in his heart. No amount of talking about it, no amount of practices, no amount of sympathetic glances, none of them did anything to take his mind off it. The only thing that did was reading, losing himself in the story so completely that nothing else could enter his thoughts. It didn’t last long after he took his eyes away from the pages.

He wished he could rewrite his own story. Either writing himself out of Hinata’s life or at least stopping him from being shot; after all just because he wasn’t there didn’t mean that the event wouldn’t happen. He tried not to think about that too much, burying his head in another book. He knew he was worrying his parents but they just went along with his reading kick, buying him new books regularly. He wasn’t aware of the passing of time. He knew when he had to go to school and at least try to pay attention and when he didn’t and that was about it. Part of him ached to be back on a volleyball court, but the one time he tried to go back to the gym Hinata’s face popped into his face as vivid as a photograph, smiling and grimacing in pain at the same time somehow.

He’d spent at least an hour hiding in some secluded corner trying to get a hold of himself again.

Everything reminded him of Hinata, and every reminder made the hole in his chest feel bigger and bigger, like it was just waiting to grow large enough to consume him whole.

Sugawara-san was wrong, the pain never dulled. He wished he’d been right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so proud of myself for coming up with these cool titles omg. Anea, I adore you but I hope I managed to make you tear up a little at least. Don't worry! Fluff bomb to fill the void incoming! This isn't anywhere near to the end for poor Kageyama.
> 
> The whole lockdown thing is based off my many experiences from high school. I was always in a random classroom with strangers that were talking loudly endlessly which both sucked and was terrifying.
> 
> Anea, you are my writing-senpai and I never would've posted anything here if it wasn't for you. I was so nervous and terrified because ao3 seemed like only a place where some of the best writers were (for example, you) and I felt unworthy. And now I'm here with a fic at almost 1K hits and I can't believe it. Your fics have made me cry and inspire me, whenever I need a kick to write I go read painting with words/painted words and I just feel so inspired I can't explain it. You also write in 2nd person (but as a character pov) so well I get sucked in. Everytime I see a fic of yours start with 'you' I know I'm in for a hell of a journey. I can't believe I've written this thing and am posting it here as well hoping to make you and others cry. You're a wonderful, amazing person who always seems to be busy but also carves out time for so many people. Including me. I get so excited when I see you've replied. Also though this idea is from things I've sent you, it's obviously a very different take on it and I promise I'll one day write the happier ending I sent you months and months ago. You also took the time out to plan and run two KageHina events. The first one was amazing and I'm hoping the second one will be as well. 
> 
> You really are incredible. 
> 
> There's so many more things I wish I could say, but like Kageyama I'm bad at finding the right words.


	2. When will he see what's going on?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama doesn't understand what's happening anymore. Moving past Hinata dying? He could do that, given enough time. 
> 
> But this? He doesn't even know how this is happening, let alone what to do about it.
> 
> In the end, the best he can do is be there.
> 
> (Fluffy sleepover included!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I thought this would end up being 10K? Chapter 2 alone is 10K. Please enjoy. 
> 
> Feel free to ask questions in the comments, I'll try to explain things without spoiling because this is planned to be 18 chapters.

And then suddenly he was looking over his shoulder, seeing a ball hitting Hinata in the face. He started violently, nearly slipping on the gym floor and staring in shock. He was dimly aware of people reacting around him and he looked around, confused. It looked like the match against the neighborhood association. The spike Asahi had hit him with. He knew what to do about this at least, he was already saying what he had then without realizing it. Was he lost in some memory? Had he fallen asleep? His heart swelled with Hinata’s presence and it felt like his world was returning to normal as he reminded him to avoid the blockers the dumbass.

He was still acting without being completely aware, stuck in shock at the…daydream he’d had where Hinata died? That was the only explanation. Maybe the seeing the ball flying towards his face had made him think of a gun and he’d imagined the whole thing in a split second. He hoped that was the case even if it’d felt so real…

A few days later he noticed Hinata squinting as he looked around and alarm bells went off in his head. Hinata never squinted at anything, he gazed around with impossibly wide eyes like everything was the greatest surprise he’d ever seen. He grabbed his sleeve and dragged him to a corner.

“Kageyama what are you doing it’s time for volleyball!” he huffed, trying to push past him.

Kageyama blocked him. “What’s wrong with your eyes.” He demanded.

Hinata froze with a wide-eyed look of terror that vanished in an instant, “Nothing! Idiot, you’re taking time away from practice! C’mon let me go already.” He was straining even harder to get away from him now.

“Hinata! You’ve been squinting, you don’t squint. What’s wrong with your eyes?” he refused to look away from his short crush.

Hinata sighed and seemed to deflate. “I don’t know okay. Everything is kinda blurry and I don’t know why.” He admitted, refusing to look at him.

“…do you have an appointment?” he believed him if he said he didn’t know why, as long as he was trying to find out why it’d be fine by him.

He nodded slightly, “Tomorrow, so we really have to make this practice count since I’ll miss it tomorrow!” he grinned up at him, energy returning. Seemingly sure that the doctor would be able to fix this and everything would be back to normal in a matter of days.

Kageyama sighed and moved to let him past, “Did you even plan to tell us?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Hinata froze, half passed him. “After the doctor probably.” He replied before rushing off to gush about something Nishinoya was doing.

Kageyama watched him go with a frown on his face, apparently bad enough that Sugawara-san came over to ask if everything was okay and if he and Hinata had had a fight or something. He assured him they were fine, just making sure of something. He didn’t want to alarm the senpai over nothing.

He hoped it was nothing. Just needing glasses because he stared wide-eyed so much it had finally affected his eyes somehow.

He still couldn’t get the sight of Hinata bleeding out in his arms out of his mind, but when he saw it he’d look over at Hinata and remind himself he was fine, he was right there, he wasn’t dead, and he’d manage to calm down.

He also didn’t confess. There didn’t seem to be a reason to. Just because some dream or something had Hinata confess to him that didn’t mean it was reality.

Two days later Hinata bounced excitedly into the gym, rushing around and apologizing to everyone for having to miss a day.

He wasn’t squinting anymore and Kageyama breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe it was nothing after all. He found himself relaxing without even noticing he’d been tense. His tosses seemed to stop for a moment in front of the spiker, though most didn’t notice, too busy spiking the ball.

Of course Hinata noticed and gazed at him with wide-eyes. “How are you doing that?!”

“Eh? What’s Kageyama doing?” Sugawara looked over from where he was talking with Daichi.

“He’s making the ball float!” he exclaimed.

“That’s what balls do.” Tsukishima interjected.

“No, not like that! Like woo instead of woosh!” he gestured wildly, Kageyama himself wasn’t sure what he was trying to communicate.

The entire team was staring at him now, several looked thoughtful as if remembering their tosses.

Tanaka grinned widely, “He’s right! Oi, Kageyama have you been holding out on us this whole time?” he demanded, puffing out his chest.

He shook his head and sighed, “I’m not even quite sure how I’m doing it.” He admitted, at least he wasn’t just seeing things.

The team deflated slightly at that, “So it might just be pure luck?” Sugawara asked.

Hinata shook his head quickly, “No way! He’s been doing it the whole day! It can’t just be luck even if he doesn’t know what he’s doing differently to cause it!”

He seemed to have endless faith in whatever it was he was doing and it felt nice. Hinata quickly grabbed a ball and tossed it up above him, and he tried to set it as he had been, instantly knowing it wasn’t right.

Hinata pouted as it hit the wall, “C’mon Kageyama! You can do it!” he was bouncing in eagerness, clearly amazed with him and sure he could manage to do it again.

That blind faith in him he’d had since that match against Tsukishima made him fight down a blush and reluctantly try again, trying to remember what he’d been doing when it happened.

He blinked at the sudden gasps that filled the gym and refocused his attention in time to see the ball fall mostly straight down.

“That was so cool!” Hinata bounced over to him, “Did you figure out how you did it?!” he asked eagerly.

He shook his head mutely, “I can try to figure it out on my own time.” He didn’t want to waste practice time on something that he could do on his own.

Sugawara-san was there suddenly, slapping him on the back, “If anyone can figure it out you can Kageyama. That was rather amazing to see.” He grinned at him.

Daichi clapped his hands, “Okay, back to practice!” he commanded and everyone wondered back to what they’d been doing when Hinata had drawn them all over with his shouting about him doing weird things.

He still couldn’t help but feel there was something wrong with Hinata. He wasn’t sure what but he was sure there was something or if he was just nervous.

Days passed but Hinata wasn’t acting weird, or rather, too weird. He would sometimes stop and stare at someone for awhile before seeming to hit some kind of conclusion. He didn’t seem to be doing any worse on the court so he wondered if Hinata was just deep in thought about something.

Until it did affect his time on the court.

The entire team stared at Hinata, who’d jumped too far from the net to even have a chance of spiking the ball, and was now staring down in confusion at his hand like he had simply missed the ball. After a moment he looked up and blushed, “Sorry! Must’ve been too excited!”

Kageyama was too busy trying to convince himself that it wasn’t the same, Hinata hadn’t not jumped, he was just too early. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t!

But it still felt the same, looking behind himself and not seeing anyone but the falling ball. It sat like a lump in his gut. He tried to convince himself Hinata would never do something like that on purpose, especially without having a reason, without being mad at him. Hinata simply wasn’t cruel like that.

By the time he managed to get himself under control, everyone had gone back to practicing and Hinata was looking at him so apologetically, like he knew why Kageyama had been silent and staring at nothing for so long, like he knew he’d badly hurt him accidentally.

He huffed and told him not to mess up again dumbass, we have a game coming up soon we can’t be out of sync.

He was certain he didn’t imagine the flinch, and he knew something was very wrong, even if Hinata didn’t miss anymore spikes.

It was another week before they finally found out what was wrong.

Hinata had entered the gym slowly, stopping just inside the doors and not looking at anyone, seeming like he wished to just vanish.

Kageyama was at his side in an instant, everything was so wrong. It was wrong for Hinata to not run, it was wrong for him to not be excited just being near the gym, it was wrong for him to not be goading Kageyama into some kind of contest. It was all so wrong. And it seemed they were going to be told why.

Hinata shifted from foot to foot as the team arrived then joined the half-circle that was around Hinata, everyone was confused but Kageyama was nervous. Was Hinata transferring schools? Did he have some illness that would prevent him from playing volleyball? Had someone died? He certainly looked as morose as if someone had.

Hinata looked up and seemed to count, before looking back down. “I…have something to tell you all.”

They all nodded and waited for more, Kageyama inched slightly closer as if he could do something to help Hinata. It felt like something bad was about to happen and he caught himself glancing at the doors the man had burst through what felt like so long ago.

Hinata heaved a deep breath, rising up on his heels as he took it in. “I’m…well I…” he tried again, “I’ve been…going…”

Going? Kageyama blinked.

“G-g-going…b-bl-blind!” his voice rose sharply at the end of the word and Kageyama felt himself staring in confusion for a long moment before it sunk in. The squinting, the doctors trip, things being blurry, staring at everyone (so he wouldn’t forget their face his mind supplied, sending a jolt through his heart), jumping too early because he couldn’t see the net! It all made sense, and there was a bitter taste in his mouth. He certainly wouldn’t play volleyball again. He wished his mind wasn’t stuck on that. He was dimly aware of talking around him but the only thing he could think was he’s not dying.

“How did this happen?” suddenly jumped out at him and he paused, thinking back. It had started after the match against the neighborhood association. After…after Hinata hit his head like that.

“After Shouyou hit his head?” Noya blinked in confusion, and he realized he must’ve said it out loud.

Hinata was staring at him in mild shock, “How…”

“I noticed something was wrong shortly after…that match.” He was trying to avoid tipping the others off to what exactly had happened, he could only imagine Asahi’s guilt.

Hinata laughed slightly and opened his mouth but Kageyama was already talking.

“You’ve known since you were absent that day haven’t you?” he was suddenly angry. Angry Hinata didn’t tell all of them. Angry he hadn’t known so he could try and show Hinata anything he’d wanted to see. He was angry he didn’t connect the dots.

“You’re too smart for your own good Kageyama.” He muttered.

“Dumbass why didn’t you tell us sooner?!” he wanted to reach out, reach out and shake the stupid idiot.

“I wanted to play…as long as I could. I thought you might make me quit.” His voice was soft and the ‘you’ meaning the team in general.

“Dumbass!” was all he could manage but thankfully Daichi was there to say what he couldn’t.

“Hinata, we would never make you quit the team. The only thing that would’ve changed is going out with you more and spending more time with you, agreeing to do one of those parties Noya and Tanaka are always going on about maybe.” He paused for a moment, “Hinata why are you telling us now?”

Kageyama had a bad feeling he knew why.

“I…I won’t be able to see at all much longer.” Tears were welling up in his eyes and Kageyama was moving without conscious decision, pulling him to a tight hug, wishing he could spare this boy this heartbreak.

Hinata froze up, in shock probably, before he hugged back just as tightly, burying his face in the front of his jersey and shaking slightly.

His action seemed to pull everyone out of their shock and suddenly everyone was talking at once, trying to talk over each other and only making it louder and making the sounds echo in the gym.

Hinata burrowed deeper into his chest and his arms tightened around him.

“Oi, dumbass.” He tried to get his attention.

He nodded slightly into his chest.

His throat was dry and he swallowed, “How…how much longer?”

“P-probably just a few days…”

Kageyama nodded slightly as the team winced around them. “Anything special you want to do before then?”

Hinata whined softly and curled his hands into tight fists in his shirt.

“If it’s in our power we’ll get it done.” Suga added helpfully.

“I…” Hinata started hesitantly.

Suga rubbed his back above Kageyama’s arms.

“I just want…to be with Ka-the team.” He mumbled, muffled in Kageyama’s chest.

“Then we’ll stay with you, have a nice big sleep over!” Noya chirped with a wide grin, “It’ll be great!”

“And there will be food and music like a big party!” Tanaka added with a matching grin.

“A-and…” Hinata said softly, Kageyama strained to hear him over the excited chattering of planning a party.

“And?” Kageyama prompted softly, pulling him away just slightly.

“L-lots of tosses?” he asked softly. Peeking up at him through his bangs.

Kageyama nodded firmly, “However many you want. Obviously.”

Hinata grinned up at him and his grip relaxed, though he remained attached to him firmly.

Kageyama looked up to see even Tsukishima getting into the planning of this party, he supposed the jerk did have a heart. Yamaguchi was next to him, looking shaken but still trying to get in on the plans. If Tanaka and Noya’s voices were higher pitched than normal nobody saw fit to call them out on it as Daichi kept an arm around Suga who kept glancing at the pair worriedly. Noya was also thumping a shaken Asahi on the back regularly, and the other second years were speaking more than normal and sharing glances frequently. Safe in the knowledge the team would take care of each other he returned his full attention to the slightly shaking ball of nerves in his arms.

“Hinata, it’ll be okay.” Kageyama said with surprising softness, even to himself, rubbing his back. “You’ll see.”

He nodded slightly against him, allowing Kageyama to lead him away from the rest of the team that was exchanging ideas. “Hinata…”

“Y-yes?”

“I…” he chewed his lip, should he tell him? “I’d like to talk to you alone tonight.” he finally said.

Hinata blinked up at him in confusion. “Okay…” he said, looking worried and confused.

He continued rubbing his back. “Sounds like some party they’re planning.”

Hinata nodded, bouncing slightly in his arms. “Y-yeah! I can’t wait!”

“Would you like to sleep next to me at this sleepover?” he couldn’t believe he was hearing his own voice say that, but by the way Hinata lit up it was a good thing to say.

“Sure! That sounds great!” he grinned brightly at him.

He sighed and rested his chin on top of his head, closing his eyes slightly and trying to come to terms with Hinata going blind.

“Bakeyama! You said you’d give me tons of tosses!” he whined.

“Okay, let’s go.” he pulled back, going to grab a volleyball as Hinata got into position.

Nishinoya spied them and rushed over, “Here, I’ll toss them to you.” he took the ball from Kageyama and watched Hinata for a moment before tossing it over to Kageyama.

Kageyama’s eyes were glued to Hinata, watching as he ran up and jumped, early again but Kageyama quickly corrected his toss and sent it to his new position. It was slightly sloppy but Hinata slammed it down all the same.

He saw various members of the team on the phone, probably calling parents about the last minute sleepover. “Whose house are we going to?” he asked Nishinoya, figuring he probably knew.

“Ah, still figuring out who has room for 12 kids.” he laughed slightly. “Don’t suppose either of you have the room?”

Kageyama hummed, tapping his fingers against his leg in thought. “I’ll have to call my mom and ask.” he decided he wasn’t any good at estimating how much room 12 teenagers took up.

“Go do that now!” Hinata said quickly, pushing him towards the doors. “Go gogo!”

Kageyama stumbled towards the door before going to his bag and digging out his phone and going outside. He was aware of Hinata’s gaze on his back as he called his mom and stuttered through the conversation. He was only slightly aware of her answer of probably, it’d just be tight. He thanked her and went back into the gym, Hinata attaching himself to him the instant he entered, to a sad looking team. “What?”

“Not having much luck on the houses.”

“My mom said it’d be tight but we should fit….” Kageyama offered, looking away from the team at large, blushing.

“Oh no way! Kageyama! Kageyama saved the sleepover!” Tanaka cheered, tearing his shirt off and waving it around.

“Kageyama has a big house?” Tsukishima blinked at the news, and Yamaguchi shrugged next to him.

“I-it’s not that big…” Kageyama mumbled but Hinata was looking up at him with sparkling eyes, clearly looking forward to it and he could only sigh as he was forced to call his mom and check if all the plans would be okay with her. She sounded too eager to have a bunch of kids in her house overnight and he thought she’d go along with them setting the house on fire at this rate.

They ended up with himself and Hinata going ahead first, both to Hinata’s house and to his own, the team would follow sometime later after getting things together and going to their own houses to get things. Kageyama didn’t mind walking Hinata to his house, keeping an eye out for things on the path that he had to guide him around, and at one point had grabbed his hand to pull him out of the way of a discarded box, and simply held on after that. He hadn’t realized for a few minutes, but he didn’t want to draw attention to it if Hinata hadn’t noticed, so he’d just...kept walking. Hinata ran forward once he saw his house though, forcing him to let go.

Hinata rushed to the door, throwing it open and calling a greeting, he could hear his overexcited explanation as he neared the door, and found himself awkwardly standing in the doorway, looking around what he could see of the house as he heard Hinata rushing around upstairs.

“Hello, are you Kageyama-kun?” his head snapped up at the voice and he blushed as he found himself face to face with Hinata’s mom. He nodded belatedly and she smiled. “He said he told you all today. I’m glad he has such great friends looking out for him and willing to do things like a sleepover to make him happy.” she was drying her hands off on a towel, standing in a doorway. “You’ll have to come back and meet Natsu later, she’s at a friends house right now for a birthday party.” she smiled, much smaller than Hinata’s but just as warm.

“Uh...y-yeah.” he stuttered, bowing. “P-pardon the intrusion.”

She went back into what he assumed was the kitchen, and he stood in the entrance, unsure if he should fully enter the house, just to help Hinata pack? It seemed silly so he just waited for Hinata to come back down. Luckily he didn’t have to wait long for Hinata to bound down the stairs, bag over his shoulder. “All set!”

He nodded slightly, backing up as Hinata got his shoes back on. “We’re going now mom!” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll call you later!” he added.

“Have a good time!” she called back.

Hinata grabbed his hand and rushed out the door and down the street before he realized he didn’t know where Kageyama lived and laughed slightly, not letting go of his hand Kageyama noticed. “So um….where do you live?”

He couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes as he walked a bit faster to get ahead. “Dumbass.”

Hinata pouted, but followed. “So what’s your mom like? She must be really nice if she’ll let 12 kids come over unannounced to spend the night.” he laughed slightly. “Especially a team like ours.” he was swinging their hands as he walked, probably unconsciously.

“She is.” he replied, keeping his eyes down.

“No wonder she raised such a polite kid.” he laughed slightly. “Most people wouldn’t think it when they saw you, but you’re almost painfully polite. My mom will love you when she gets to know you more, and she’ll always be telling me to be more like you.”

Kageyama blushed, looking away. Being polite was the best way out of awkward social situation for him, at least the least painful. It might not end up the best but he usually came out of it unharmed and with his dignity in tact as well.

“Most people also wouldn’t think you’d be kind enough to open your house to a bunch of your teammates, no matter what was happening.”

He flinched, did he really look that mean? No wonder nobody had ever approached him to try and be his friend, and his own social awkwardness had stopped him from trying to start conversations.

“I still can’t believe Yamaguchi didn’t have to bribe Tsukishima or something,”

“He’s mean, not heartless.” he didn’t know why he was defending the blond.

Hinata frowned in thought before nodding, “You’re right, he usually backs off if he actually upsets someone, though he doesn’t apologize, he’s even more stingy than you, stingyama!” he laughed, swinging their arms widely.

Kageyama blushed slightly, wondering if it was just normal Hinata behaviour or if he was special or if it was just because he was going blind. When he actually thought about it he decided he liked it, it was weird and kind of awkward, but Hinata managed to make it feel like it wasn’t.

He blinked as he realized they were nearing his house. “Here we are…” he muttered, veering off towards one of them, hearing Hinata ‘ooh’ and ‘ahhh’ at it as he let go of his hand to rush up to the door, pausing at the step and knocking. Kageyama followed up slower as his mother opened the door and smiled. “You must be Hinata-kun, come in. Welcome home Tobio.” she added, looking back at him.

Hinata’s head looked like it was on a swivel, never stopping as he looked around the house. Once again he wasn’t sure if it was a normal, Hinata, or going blind thing. He resolved to stop wondering about things like that, they were distracting and useless.

“I already offered to share my bed with him.” Kageyama found himself supplying, “So we’ll go up to my room while we wait for the others.” he nudged Hinata towards the stairs and Hinata bowed to his mom before rushing up them, looking around like he was in a volleyball store.

“He’s even more energetic than you said he was.” his mother laughed softly. “You’d better go up before he breaks something.” she added as he just stood there staring at him.

“Thank you.” he said quickly, “For allowing the team to come over.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “You’re finally bringing friends over, how could I not? Even if the situation is less than ideal, I’m going to do everything I can to make it a good time.”

He blushed, quickly moving past her and up the stairs. It wasn’t like he’d had friends to bring over before, maybe before middle school but not during it. He was surprised that Hinata had managed to find his room, his bag on the floor by his bed and lying down on it, staring at the ceiling. “Your room is so empty!” he whined. “I’m gonna have to get you things to put in it for every gift giving occasion from now on!” he declared, sitting up.

“Dumbass, my room is fine.” he muttered, tossing a pillow at him.

“But there’s like nothing in here!”

“All the better for when we have to fit 12 people into my house.”

Hinata laughed, “There is that.” he dropped back on the bed with a huff. “I’m surprised I didn’t see any volleyballs sitting out.”

Kageyama walked over, reaching behind the pillow above Hinata’s head and pulling one out, dropping it on his chest with a smirk. “Like that?”

Hinata blinked in surprise before bursting out with laughter. “Yeah, like that!” he rolled the ball back and forth across his chest. “You should let me sign it later.” he hummed thoughtfully. “I wanna sign a volleyball for you.”

“D-dumbass!” he wished there was another one he could throw at him. “I-I don’t need a signed volleyball from you!” he was blushing brightly he was sure.

“Maybe not but I wanna give you one and I’d like to be able to see what I’m writing.” he laughed, but it didn’t sound right.

Kageyama went over and sat next to him on the bed. “Hey, you might be able to later on. There might be some kind of surgery that they discover that can fix this.”

Hinata blinked, looking up at him. “You really think so?”

He nodded, “They discover new things all the time, I’ve heard they’re able to make glasses that can make the color-blind see colors. Why not go all the way?”

Hinata was gaping up at him, “That’d be so cool! Do those really exist? That’s so cool!”

Kageyama smiled slightly, pleased with himself for cheering up his friend. “Well, not yet. They’re getting close though.”

Hinata was sitting up fully now, arms wrapped around the volleyball. “Still, I’d like to give you one now, not some vague time in the future.” he nodded, pleased with himself.

“I won’t say no then, but not that one.” that was the one he normally messed around with when he was upset, any signature would fade quickly with the use.

Hinata nodded slightly, “We can do it after everyone else falls asleep, it’ll be more fun that way!” he grinned.

Kageyama paused, running his hands over his sheets. “Hinata….can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?” Hinata blinked, not sure why he would have something to ask.

“Well earlier in the gym….it sounded like you started to say you wanted to spend more time with me, not the team….just me….” he didn’t know why he was asking, didn’t know what answer he was looking for. That he liked him most out of the team? That he felt like he should spend time with him since they were partners? He didn’t know.

Hinata froze, looking up at him with wide eyes, “Y-you uh...heard that?” red was quickly spreading over his cheeks.

He nodded slightly, “I just….” he wanted him to explain but he didn’t want to lead him into an answer he wanted.

“Uh well….you see I…” he looked away, grabbing the front of his shirt.

His heart stopped at the little gesture of anxiety, “You don’t have to explain!” he said quickly. The last thing he wanted to do right now was make him uncomfortable.

“N-no I’ve been wanting to tell you for awhile…” his fist tightened as he looked up at him. “Y-you see, I really like you Kageyama.”

Kageyama felt himself blushing under the weight of his stare, before the words even registered and then he felt the tips of his ears burning. “I-I…”

“You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted to tell y-” Hinata was looking away, hand falling from his shirt.

“N-no!” he interrupted, grabbing at him “I like you too…”

His head snapped back to look at him, “H-huh?”

“I like you too Hinata.” he said, blushing still.

Hinata stared at him in silence before he threw himself at him, wrapping his arms around him tightly and shaking slightly.

“H-Hinata?” he gasped, wrapping his arms around him hesitantly. “A-are you okay?”

“I’m happy you idiot!” he yelled, muffled by his shirt.

“O-oh, I am too.” he wished he’d quit stuttering now.

Hinata snickered slightly, pulling back to look up at him with watery eyes.

“Dumbass don’t cry!” he raised a hand, brushing the tears away gently. “You’ll give yourself a headache and then what will you do during the sleepover?”

Hinata jerked back at the reminder, “I forgot!”

“Dumbass!” Kageyama laughed, shoving him over.

Hinata popped back up, “Well I confessed! I forgot about anything else going on after that!” he blinked, “You really like me Kageyama?”

He blushed, how many times was Hinata going to make him say it? He nodded silently, trying to will his blush away.

Hinata giggled, leaning forward and pecking him on the cheek. “C’mon, lets help get the house set up for everyone!” he grabbed his arm to drag him off the bed, and Kageyama followed him, helplessly confused and blushing. Shouldn’t they talk more about this? Were they dating now? He didn’t want to think they were only to have them not be and screw something up.

It would probably have to wait until after everyone fell asleep because they were due to arrive soon, though he stole a kiss on the cheek when his mom wasn’t looking before he started moving the living room furniture around at her directions. He caught sight of Hinata’s stunned expression, a hand held to his cheek, before he shook himself out of it and rushed forward to help him.

By the time the team showed up they had the furniture moved to the walls. They obviously didn’t have enough futons for everyone, but there were several air mattresses they’d brought and they had enough pillows to put them on the ground between them to make a psudo-bed for a few people.

Hinata was grinning widely, jumping between all of them, holding animated conversations until someone else drew his attention and jumping over to them. He also seemed to stop and just stare at people sometimes, which nobody called attention to.

Dinner wasn’t really a thing, they ordered a few pizzas and watched something on TV. After that they decided to at least figure out sleeping arrangements, someone would have to sleep on the couch and Daichi had immediately started snickering and gasped out “Not Suga!”

The team stared at him in confusion, “Why not?” Nishinoya piped up.

“Because,” Asahi spoke up, “He’ll roll off onto whoever is unlucky enough to be sleeping there, and refuse to wake up for an hour while they are slowly strangled.”

Daichi burst into laughter again, “I woke up at three in the morning, to Asahi yelling for me to help him, I thought someone broke in and was killing him, and what do I see but Suga, sprawled out over him, with an arm over his throat and apparently shifting more and more of his weight up to it, all in his sleep.”

Sugawara was blushing, burying his face in his hands, “I said sorry!”

“I had to give Asahi my bed and take the couch myself to get everyone back to sleep.” Daichi supplied, “He was convinced it would somehow happen even if he slept on the couch with Suga on the floor.”

“And Suga is confined to the floor forevermore.” Asahi finished.

The ash blond looked up, “I’m still offended you thought I had known it would happen and it was a clever murder strategy!”

It was the ace’s turn to blush and look away.

The rest of the team was in hysterics, Hinata was rolling across the smattering of pillows and mattresses, arms across his stomach.

“So the question is, who won’t try to kill someone in their sleep?” Nishinoya asked, standing on top of the couch. “Or who is willing to be killed by Suga-san in their sleep?” he added with a snicker.

“Daichi-san is!” Tanaka called, throwing a hand in the air.

“I nominate Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima’s voice rang out after the team stopped laughing again.

Yamaguchi was blushing with his face in his hands. “Tsukki noooo.”

“Why Yamaguchi?” Nishinoya asked.

Tsukishima snickered for a moment, “Because otherwise whoever’s nearby will wake up hot and confused, with Yamaguchi clinging to them.”

“Tsukki it was one tim-”

“No, it’s everytime, I just replace myself with a pillow. Plus you’re like a furnace. No blankets needed.”

Yamaguchi blushed brighter, remaining silent with his face hidden.

“Yamaguchi it is.” Sugawara spoke up.

“I’m with Kageyama in his room!” Hinata bounced up, waving his hand wildly. “He already said I could right Kags?”

“K-Kags?” he stared in confusion before he nodded slightly.

“The king is letting a peasant into his bed, wonder if they’ll be a queen tomorrow.” Tsukishima called out from where he was leaning against the couch.

“S-shut up Tsukishima!” Kageyama snapped.

“Not in my house.” His mother suddenly appeared behind him and the team screamed in surprise. “Especially when I haven’t been introduced to him as such.” she ruffled his hair and left, leaving him red-faced and mortified.

Hinata was snickering next to him, “Y-your face!” he gasped out, “How is your mom a ninja by the way?” he added wide grin in place.

He shrugged slightly, still blushing madly. “She’s a parent, its what they do.” the team nodded in agreement.

“And older siblings.” Tanaka added, and Nishinoya burst into laughter next to him.

“The rest of us, it’s going to be tight so find people you don’t overly mind being squished next to.” Daichi spoke up, clapping his hands.

Nishinoya held onto Tanaka with one hand as hs threw himself across the room to snag Asahi’s shorts. “Mine!” he called before blushing, “I-I meant got mine!”

Tsukishima refused to budge from where he was against the couch, and Asahi shrugged, dragging Noya who dragged Tanaka over next to him.

Suga went to the other wall, followed by Daichi.

“The captain will protect us from Suga’s murderous intent in sleep!” Nishinoya called with a laugh, sending the team into laughter again.

There wasn’t much left to choose from, so they went back to watching TV, this time with popcorn he hadn’t even known they had. He’d shot his mom a confused look and she’d just winked. He wondered if she’d gone out before they got there to go get popcorn, and if she’d gotten anything else.

Hinata ended up next to him on the couch, reaching down and grabbing his hand with a smile as he watched, he was surprised the team didn’t notice but didn’t pull away, though he did pull away to go turn on the lights as the sun set before he sat back down and Hinata grabbed it again, tightly. He shot him a confused look but his attention seemed to be completely on the movie that had come on. The couch was a pretty tight fit with all four first years, but even Tsukishima had scooted over to make room for him after he got up. He figured the team was in agreement to do whatever it took to make Hinata happy, if that included not mentioning new weird habits, than so be it.

“I’m going to bed, so keep it quiet down here.” his mother popped in around ten, “And go to sleep soon, all of you.”

It was midnight before anyone even thought about going to sleep, and Hinata was half asleep against his side. He carefully stood up, picking Hinata up as he did and picking his way across the team towards the door.

“Goodnight!” “Night.” “Sleep well!” followed him in half whispers as he made his way up the stairs to his room with a confused looking Hinata.

“What’s going…”

“Bedtime.” he replied.

Hinata whined, “Noooo I wanna stay up later!”

“We can, but not much later okay?” he tried to appease him.

“Fiiineee.”

“We need to talk anyway.” he added and Hinata tensed up in his arms, looking up at him.

“Huh? About what?”

“About earlier.” he blushed, glad to see his door and opening it carefully and putting Hinata on his bed.

“What about earlier?”

“I….are we dating now?” he asked, looking away in embarrassment. It felt stupid to be asking but he wanted to be sure.

“Of course Bakeyama!” he said joyfully. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I-I don’t know I’d just rather be sure.” he muttered, feeling like an idiot.

“Ah, that’s a good idea. Don’t want any miscommunication.” he nodded.

“I didn’t know you knew that word.” he turned to face him as he spoke.

“I didn’t know you did!” He shot back, grinning widely at him. “Was that all?” he asked more seriously.

His mouth went dry and he nodded. He kind of wanted to ask about boundaries but it probably wasn’t the time so late at night, when they hadn’t been dating that long.

“Okay, come on then and let’s go to sleep!” he patted the spot next to him as he scooted back to be against the wall.

“Dumbass you didn’t change yet.”

“O-oh yeah.” he blushed.

Kageyama suddenly realized that Hinata might change in front of him and quickly turned, “I’m going to the bathroom.” he said, leaving the room.

“I don’t need to know that Bakeyama!” he called, though he sounded slightly relieved.

He took his time, trying to give Hinata more than enough time to get changed, before he went back to his room, and Hinata quickly went out past him with a muttered, “Bathroom!”

He took advantage of it, accidental or not, to quickly get changed before he got back, sitting on the edge of his bed nervously. It wasn’t like they were going to do anything like that, they were just going to sleep, and maybe cuddle. His face heated up at the thought and he buried his face in a pillow.

“Kageyama~!” Hinata called, as he entered the room and jumped at him, tackling him back onto the bed and laughing, trying to keep it down.

He squeaked in surprise looking up at him. “W-what is it?”

“Noooothing~” he sang. “You just looked lonely and you look good in blue.” he smiled brightly down at him, rolling off of him off to the side. “You should try on all kinds of colors in the next few days!” he added, sitting up and leaning over him. “Okay?”

Kageyama blinked in confusion before he remembered and nodded, “We can go shopping even.”

Hinata gasped, “Really? Can we get something matching couply?” he asked, leaning down closer to him. “Pretty please?”

He nodded, “I-if you want to.”

Hinata frowned pulling back. “Don’t just go along with anything I want!” he snapped, suddenly angry. “That’s not what I want!” he added when he remained silent.

“Hinata…” he sat up to talk to him properly. “It’s not a ‘you’re going blind’ thing. It’s a ‘I want to make you happy’ thing.” he was blushing but refused to look away from him. “It wouldn’t matter if your eyes were fine, I’d go along with getting something matching for you.”

Hinata frowned, staring him down before he nodded slightly, face relaxing into a grin. “I believe you. But you’ll have to say something if you really don’t want to do something, okay? Or I’ll get mad.”

“Of course dumbass, I don’t do things I don’t want to do.”

“Okay good.” he replied, leaning forward and kissing him on his nose and giggling.

His face was burning up and he raised his hands to cover his nose. “D-dumbass what the hell?”

Hinata snickered, “I thought you’d react funny if I did that, and I was right!”

“Okay, okay, you’ve had your fun, let’s go to sleep now okay?”

Hinata pouted but burrowed under the sheets, watching him as he got under the sheets as well, before he snuggled right up to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

Kageyama blinked slightly, blushing but wrapping his arms around him loosely and resting his head on top of his and closing his eyes.

Hinata shifted in his arms for a few minutes before relaxing.

He could get used to this…

\----

He felt something brush his nose and scrunched his face up in reflex, moving his head slightly to avoid it but not opening his eyes.

There was a giggle that changed that, and he opened his eyes and nearly yelled at the sight of Hinata’s face so close to his, eyes wide and staring at him. “W-what the hell?!”

“You’re really cute when you’re asleep.” Hinata replied, reaching up and tapping his nose with his hand. Giggling as his face scrunched up again.

“How long have you been watching me sleep?” he asked, blushing.

“Mmmm I don’t know. Awhile.” he didn’t move away so neither did Kageyama. “I need to do it while I can.” he said softly.

Kageyama shifted slightly as a thought entered his head. “We….could have sleepovers until…” he trailed off.

Hinata gasped, sitting up, “Really? You mean it Kageyama?”

He nodded slightly, “If you want to…” he doubted it would last more than a day or two before he got sick of having Kageyama around. He wouldn’t be sleeping all the time which was apparently the only time he didn’t look scary…

Hinata bounced eagerly. “This is going to be awesome! I want you to be the last thing I see!” he froze mid-jump as he realized what he said, and stared at him in horror as he fell back onto the bed.

He couldn’t really process his look because he was stuck on the statement. Why on earth would anyone want him to be the last thing they saw? “W-why?” he asked softly.

Hinata tilted his head, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you always say my face is scary, why would you want that to be the last thing you see? Dumbass.” he muttered, looking away from him.

Hinata jumped off the bed and slid in front of him, trying to get him to look up, “Kageyama, Kageyama look at me. C’mon…” he whittled. “Ka-ge-yama.” he huffed, reaching out and lifting his head with his hand.

He stared blankly at him, trying not to react to anything.

Hinata sighed deeply. “And you call me a dumbass. Kageyama, you’re beautiful. It seems to be a setter thing.” he added with a smile. “But you’re the most beautiful of all the setters we’ve ran into.” he poked him on the nose, causing him to scrunch his face up again. “And you’re adorable when you react to things you’re not expecting.” Hinata huffed at his continued silence, “C’mon say something.”

He shook his head, shaking Hinata’s hand off as he did. “I’m not.”

Hinata huffed angrily, “You are!”

“Then why does everyone say the opposite!” he snapped, rolling over so he didn’t have to look at him.

He felt Hinata moving around behind him but refused to look back at him or even open his eyes.

“Kageyama…” Hinata started hesitantly. “I didn’t think you’d take it to heart.” he said slowly, “Of course you’re scary when you’re mad, most people are. You just don’t have an….open resting face.” he was picking his way through his words slowly. “But the same is true for Tsukishima but he pretty much has fanclub. And I’m pretty sure you do too.”

Kageyama opened his eyes and rolled onto his back to look up at him. Hinata startled at the movement, looking down at him in shock before he smiled at him. “So don’t think you’re not attractive okay?” he finished.

“...okay.” he said softly.

“Hiiiinaaaataaaaaa!” Nishinoya’s voice rang through the house just before he threw the door open. “Gues-” he froze at the sight of the two of them, Kageyama’s clothes ruffled from sleep and Hinata kneeling over him, their faces close and red. “I-I’ll just be...going…” he stuttered, backing out slowly.

“Noya-senpai!” Hinata jumped off the bed and ran over to him. “Good morning! Did you sleep well?”

“Uhh…” he glanced from him to Kageyama, who was sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, we all did. Even Daichi who woke up half strangled as promised.” he laughed. “He’s still there actually, we all wanted you to see it before we saved him.” he grabbed his arm and tugged him down the hall.

Kageyama followed after slower, yawning as he made his way down the stairs.

“Yes yes, its very funny, now help me.” Daichi’s voice rang out. “I’ve been like this for four hou-” he was cut off by something and there was laughter in response.

“Kageyama, Kageyama hurry before Suga-san wakes up!” Hinata called.

He entered the room and looked around, there were half asleep teammates everywhere but all the attention was at the wall opposite the couch, where Daichi was laying on his back, Sugawara was sprawled over his chest, and an arm was over his mouth, he assumed that was what had cut him off.

However it seemed they’d finally been loud enough because Sugawara started pushing himself up, looking around confused as Daichi struggled underneath him for breath. “Where’s Daichi?” he slurred.

“Look down!” Tanaka called with a laugh.

The setter blinked slowly before looking down, squawking and throwing himself from Daichi. “Daichi! I’m so sorry!”

Daichi yawned as he sat up. “It’s fine Suga, I volunteered afterall.”

“Should we just ban Suga-san from sleepovers?” Nishinoya asked, “He can’t just go around killing us all in our sleep.

There was laughter and complaints from Sugawara, but the morning moved fast when they realized they needed to get to school.

“C’mon Hinata, you need to get dressed.” Kageyama was saying to Hinata who was just laying in his bed.

“Do you think they’ll let me go to class with you?”

“H-huh?” he blinked, looking at him through the neck of his shirt he was in the process of pulling on.

“I don’t want to leave your side…” he mumbled, looking away.

“Well, if the school knows about your eyes, maybe?” Kageyama hummed, “We can ask Sugawara for help, I’m sure he’ll get them to go along with it.”

“That’s a great idea! Thanks Kageyama!” Hinata rushed out the door, pecking him on the cheek on his way out, calling for Sugawara.

He rolled his eyes slightly as he got changed. Maybe he should just stay here with Hinata? His mother might let him get away with it actually…

“Sugawara-san said he’s sure he can manage it!” Hinata rushed into the room, throwing his shirt off and digging through his bag frantically. “I’m gonna be late…” he whined, trying to get undressed and dressed at the same time.

Kageyama moved over and dug out his shirt, holding it open over his head for him. Hinata jumped up into it and tossed him a smile. He left the room quickly before he saw anything he shouldn’t, going downstairs where there was a mess in the kitchen. It was obvious 12 kids had been in and out trying to down breakfast as fast as they could. He winced, there was no time to clean it though, so he grabbed the cereal boxes from a cupboard along with two bowls. They kept cereal on hand for late mornings, and it looked like everyone else had eaten besides them.

“HHhhhhhhh is there any food left Kage-” Hinata slid into the room. “Oh, nice!” he grinned, plopping down next to him and wolfing it down. “Okay we gotta g-”

“I can drive you two to school today.”

Kageyama jumped, nearly dropping his bowl to the floor. “Mom! I didn’t know you were still home!” he blushed brightly.

“I wasn’t going to leave 12 kids alone in my house.” she looked around the kitchen and winced slightly, “Couldn’t stop all the damage though.”

“Come on Kageyama get in the car!” Hinata was dragging him out. “Sugawara-san already left to explain what was going on, we don’t want to be late!”

Kageyama laughed slightly, sliding in the backseat, followed by Hinata. “Mom…” he started when she got in the car.

“Yes Tobio?”

“Would you...drive us to the mall after school?” he was blushing but he hadn’t forgotten their talk from last night. By the way Hinata gaped up at him he’d thought he had.

“I suppose so.” he could see her smiling in the rearview mirror.

\----

The day was both long and quick, long in people giving him weird looks because of his new passenger, quick because it seemed like the day was over just as he was getting used to it.

Hinata had also spent any free time in class telling his class about how great he was and he just hid his head in his hands.

He decided to skip volleyball practice, which Hinata wasn’t happy about but he promised to toss to him after they went shopping. He knew they’d be there a long time, with Hinata making him put on everything in the store.

At least he thought that was what would happen.

Instead Hinata followed him around quietly, apparently waiting for him to show interest in something, which just made him feel more awkward and out of place. Hinata seemed to catch on and take pity on him however, because he started leading him around and picking things off the rack, holding them up to him and either handing them to him or frowning and putting it back. He ended up with a huge pile of clothes to try on and winced slightly.

It only became fun when Hinata started reacting to what he tried on, it made him feel warm inside when Hinata was made speechless, because he was quick to voice his dislike but when he went silent he clearly liked whatever he was wearing.

It felt nice.

He ended up with a dozen new outfits, and Hinata admitted he’d gotten money from Kageyama’s mom to pay for them. He’d stared in surprise before realizing he shouldn’t be surprised at all. He tried not to feel guilty, and managed by reminding himself he hadn’t gotten any new clothes since the middle of middle school.

His mom made him model them all after he got home as well, and he was so tired of trying on clothes after that he walked to his bed and passed out on it.

\----

The days passed, he woke up to Hinata staring at his face, they went to school where he gushed about him, they did as many quicks as they could without their arms falling off, they hung out. Hinata dragged him up to Toyoko to see Kenma and Kuroo. They decided to stop waiting and go out on a date.

“K-Kageyama. Wake up.” His eyes blinked open at the shaky voice.

“What’s wrong Hinata?”

“K-Kageyama…” he said softly, reaching for him and burying his head in his chest. “I-I can’t…”

Kageyama rolled over and turned on the light, wincing slightly and looking down at him. “How about now?”

Hinata pulled his head back to look up at him, “B-barely.” he said softly, resting his chin on his chest and staring at him.

Kageyama moved them around carefully, so Hinata was fully laying on him instead of just half, then he stared down at Hinata as the minutes ticked by.

Hinata’s breath caught suddenly and he blinked back into focus, watching as Hinata curled in on himself slowly.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” he said softly, rubbing his back.

“D-don’t leave me.” he sobbed.

“I don’t plan to.” he laid there and held him as the night turned to day and he fell into a fitful sleep.

“Kageyama, Hinata, it’s time to-” Hinata’s mom stopped in the doorway.”...it happened didn’t it?” she asked softly.

Kageyama nodded, tightening his arms around him.

“I’ll let you skip school today.” she replied, closing the door gently.

\----

When Hinata woke up, he demanded they still go on their planned date. Kageyama agreed, moving up the time to when it would hopefully be less crowded out since they planned to walk.

Kageyama really should’ve known better.

It didn’t help that he kept forgetting about his new blindness. He didn’t act any different, still rushing around the place with no worries of running into anything.

“Dumbass, get out of the str-” the rest of the sentence was lost as some kind of sports car sent Hinata flying. “HINATA!” he screamed, rushing over to where he’d been thrown, ignoring the car as it sped off, not caring at all that it just hit someone. He slid to him, knees getting scratched up by the pavement. “Hinata!” his hands hovered useless over his body, eyes refusing to take in the damage.

He was scared to move him, he didn’t know if his neck was injured.

“Oh my god what happened?” someone asked, he didn’t know the voice and didn’t care to take his eyes off his boyfriend.

“Call an ambulance!” he snarled, “Hinata, Hinata….” he didn’t know what he was saying his name for, he had half a mind to ask him if his back hurt but he didn’t know if Hinata would even answer that. He finally settled his hands, feather light, on his shoulder and chest, feeling his hand rising and falling as he took breaths.

“Tobi…” his eyes were open, not that it mattered.

“I’m here.” he said softly. “It’s me.”

“W-what…”

“Th-there was a car.” his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. “Dumbass, don’t go out in the street.” he said softly. He wanted to scream it but he didn’t have the will in his body anymore.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” he muttered, “Shouyou…” he said softly, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” there was an unspoken idiot in the way he was staring at him.

“I should’ve made my mom drive us.” he replied.

“I wanted to walk.” he replied, face twisting into a grimace.

“I know, but that was before…”

“Mmm.” he agreed. “I just wanted to be alone with you.”

“I know.” he said again, “Hey, when the ambulance gets here I won’t be with you, but I’ll be there when you wake up okay?”

“Don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t get to choose.” he replied softly.

“I know.”

Kageyama sat there, shifting to hold his hand tightly as he waited for the ambulance, and once it was there he regretfully let go slowly. “I love you.” he blurted.

He could just make out Hinata’s pout as he was loaded up, “I didn’t get to see you say it.” he whined. “I love you more!” he added before the doors closed.

Kageyama stepped up onto the curb, staring after the ambulance, and his hand shook as he dug in his pocket for his phone. He needed Sugawara, and the rest of the team. He could barely hear what he was saying into the phone, something about an emergency and gathering the team in the gym, he only wanted to say it once.

He stood outside the gym, hearing the team asking Sugawara questions he couldn’t answer, he took a deep breath before he walked up slowly, carefully stepping into the gym. The team went dead quiet at his entrance.

“K-Kageyama, why are you covered in blood?” was the stuttered question. He didn’t even know there was any blood on him.

“Where’s Hinata?” was the next angry and worried question.

“H-he got hit.” he said softly.

“What?”

“He got hit!” he screamed, it echoed in the silent gym for several seconds.

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM!” Tanaka was suddenly there, crying and shaking him. “THAT WAS YOUR JOB! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP HIM SAFE!” he was shaking him violently, as violent as the car hit Hinata probably, his mind supplied.

“Tanaka! Tanaka let him go!” Sugawara was trying to pry him off. “Daichi help me!”

Daichi was pulled out of his shock and he ran over to help tear Tanaka off of him. “Tanaka it’s not his fault!”

“It is.” he said softly, looking Tanaka in the eyes.

“YOU SEE?!” Tanaka demanded, shaking off the third years. “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP HIM SAFE!” he screamed again before he was dragged off by a distraught looking Asahi, who had his arms wrapped tightly around the second year, “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING NOT KEEPING HIM SAFE?!” he continued to rage, fighting against him.

Now that he was released he felt himself stumble back, Tanaka had probably lifted him off his feet. He felt disconnected from his body, staring at Tanaka.

And then his words sank in, it was his fault wasn’t it? He was supposed to be looking out for their now blind teammate. Hinata had wanted him there. He’d hadn’t wanted him to leave his side. He stumbled back again, falling out the doors and landing on his back. It was his fault. Hinata was hurt and it was his fault. Just like the bullet. The bullet was a warning.

He pushed himself to his feet, ignoring Sugawara who was trying to talk to him, and turned and ran. Ran away from Tanaka, ran away from the gym and the memories of the bullet. He ran until his legs gave out on him and he fell to his knees.

Kageyama knew he should go to the hospital, he had to be there like Hinata wanted him to be if he woke up. But the team might go there, and he didn’t want to fight in front of Hinata. So instead he just sat there, staring at the ground.

He nearly flung his phone at the ground when it rang, but he picked it up. “S-Sugawara?”

“H-he…” Sugawara sniffled, muffled and distorted, “He didn’t make it.”

Kageyama stared at his phone, not understanding. He heard Sugawara’s voice still talking but he didn’t understand a word. Just that Hinata was dead. And it was his fault.

He dropped the phone, watching it shatter before he stood up, and forced his legs to start moving again. He was running again, that was all he did. He couldn’t….he couldn’t deal with Hinata’s death, not right now. Later, when he was too exhausted to move.

He lost track of time, all he knew was it was getting dark and he was still running.

“Kageyama!” the voice sounded relieved and he stopped, looking around and panting, who would want to see him?

“Kageyama!” he realized it was Sugawara’s voice and turned to face it. Oh, he was outside the hospital now. “You’re here!”

“What is he doing here?”

He flinched, “I-I didn’t mean….to come here.” he looked away from the enraged Tanaka who now had Asahi’s hand over his mouth.

“Why not? You deserve to say goodbye to him as well.” Sugawara said softly.

“I don’t.” he pulled away from his gentle touch on his shoulder. “I should’ve done something. It should’ve been me.” he shook his head.

“Kageyama, it wasn’t your fault. It was whoever hit him, they were reckless and they hurt many people. It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

He looked up into Sugawara’s red eyes, puffy from crying.

Kageyama hadn’t cried. And he was sure the whole team knew it from where they were watching inside the doorway.

“I should’ve been paying attention.” his stupid awareness was useless off the court, and what use was it now that Hinata was gone? He didn’t need to pay as close attention to the others. If they would even let him play again. If he even wanted to.

Hinata would’ve wanted him to he knew, so he’d try, for Hinata.

But it was going to be harder than he thought, he knew, as he looked out over his team, all in silent tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I have the next couple chapters written but I'm gonna be spacing them out to about weekly so I can hopefully close the gap before I reach it.
> 
> I'm about half done and at 50K so, this is officially a long fic.
> 
> ANEA PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I LOVE YOU. I'm sure you figured out what was happening by paragraph 3. This thing became muti-chapter because I was like Blind Hinata??? Shot Hinata?? Which one?? Anea will love/hate both?? I shall do both. >:)
> 
> ALSO APPRECIATE MY CHAPTER TITLE I'M PROUD OF IT.


	3. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surely things couldn't get any worse, right? 
> 
> And even if they did, as long as Hinata was alive, it didn't matter.
> 
> Hinata just needed to /live/.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short chapter, but I'm quite fond of it. Please enjoy <3 Shoutouts to the two people I know that are really excited about this! You made me make this chapter so much better!
> 
> Please come scream in at me in my askbox at lovelytobio.tumblr.com to encourage me to write the missing chapters hehe.

He came to himself standing in the middle of the gym, blinking around in confusion. What was going on? What had happened? Was that just a dream? A dream within a dream? Was this just a dream as well? But so much time passed in the dreams…

"Kageyama! Stop spacing out and toss to me!" he spun to face Hinata, who was pouting at him. "C'mon before practice is over!"

He nodded slightly, Hinata was fine, he was looking up at him and clearly actually seeing him, he couldn't be happier.

But he had a bad feeling in his gut it wouldn't last long.

He was wrong, surely he was awake now? Surely things would be normal finally.

He was right, to a point. There was nothing wrong, nothing at all. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to be sad about. Hinata was fine, the team was fine, nobody hated him for failing Hinata.

Except seemingly, Hinata himself.

Kageyama turned to talk to him, to find him missing from his side. His heart had stuttered in his chest until he spied him across the gym talking to Yamaguchi. He knew it was irrational to panic when he wasn’t by his side, he wasn’t going to be there 24/7. But that didn’t stop him from laying awake that night, staring at his ceiling because he didn’t know how to sleep without Hinata next to him anymore. Everytime he was about to drift off, he’d realize his bed felt empty and his heart would stop for a moment.

It took him until two am to realize Hinata hadn’t even texted them after they parted ways on the way home. His gut churned in anxiety. He was fine, he was sure of it. Nothing had happened, absolutely nothing.

His stomach didn’t settle until he saw him in the gym the next morning.

And then it dropped out from below him when he realized Hinata had clearly had no intention of waiting for him to race him to the gym. And at the end of practice, Hinata sped off even as Tsukishima was getting ready to tutor them. Tsukishima had actually looked surprised himself and Yamaguchi was slack jawed next to them.

He realized in that moment, that Hinata hadn’t even reveled in the success of a good combo with him. He’d just stood there, waiting for the game to continue.

It hurt. It hurt when lunch came and went and he’d poked his head in Hinata’s classroom to see him happily chatting with his classmates. Hinata’s eyes had stopped on him for a moment before quickly moving away. It felt like being stabbed with ice.

At afternoon practice, Hinata wouldn’t even look at him, not even to persuade him to toss to him. He still called for tosses, and he still jumped, so there was that at least. But Kageyama was so terrified he wouldn’t jump the next time he called.

Everything was fine. Hinata was alive and well, it didn't matter that he was ignoring him. If this route led to Hinata being alive longer, it was fine. It was _fine_. It was fine, it was fine, itwasfine!

It was fine, he wasn’t lying to himself. Everything was perfectly fine.

The team on the other hand...they thought he'd done something to Hinata. He heard the muttering that stopped when he approached, everyone whispering about what had happened between the two and since Hinata was ignoring him obviously he'd done something.

He hadn't, at least not that he knew of. It would be just his luck to have done something and not know, something he needed to apologize for. But how could he if he didn't know what he was apologizing for?

"What did he do to Shouyou?" He overheard with his hand on the clubroom handle.

"Who knows, he isn't talking and it must be bad because Hinata hasn't mentioned a thing, hasn't asked us to do anything to get back at him. But he had to have done something, Kageyama is clearly wanting to talk to him, Hinata is the one that doesn't want to."

"Sugawara-san, do you know what Kageyama did?"

"How do you know Kageyama did anything?"

He felt a rush of affection for Sugawara, he was defending him, or at least not believing them at face value.

"Well think about it! They were fine and then Hinata just stopped talking to him. He goes to Noya for help with homework, NOYA!"

"That doesn't mean Kageyama did anything!"

"Then why wouldn't they have had a loud fight? He must've done or said something to make Shouyou pretend he doesn't exist."

He heard Sugawara hum in thought, "I understand where you're coming from, but you have no proof. Hinata might just be going through something and doesn't want Kageyama yelling at him."

Kageyama wanted to hug Sugawara for saying such things in his defense, but he quickly walked off so he could pretend he hadn't heard anything.

Things changed after that though, and not for the better. They still muttered between themselves, but they seemed even angrier than they had before. The air in the gym became overbearing, he felt it resting on his shoulders, on his chest, on his hands, weighing him down painfully. It was hard to move, hard to think, hard to concentrate on the game. His fingers started shaking at every toss, praying that someone would be there, someone would hit it, they wouldn't abandon hi-

He froze, letting the ball drop onto his head at the realization.

It felt the same. It _felt_ the same. It felt the _same_. _It felt the same_ , itfeltthesame, itfeltthesameitfeltthesame. It was like he was back in middle school, surrounded by people that disliked him because someone everyone liked didn't like him. Only this time, that person had liked him for a time. Had enabled him to feel welcome and drop his defenses. It felt the same, he was waiting for it, waiting for Karasuno to reject him as strongly as they had.

Why couldn't anyone just like him for being him? Why did they all just have to put up with him because he was a good setter?

Why did he believe for a second all teams wouldn't be the same?

He wasn't aware of how long he'd stood there, hands frozen above him, team glancing at him worriedly but not saying anything, before he turned and ran out of the gym.

What had he done wrong? What was wrong about him? Why did everyone hate him? Why did nobody talk to him? Why did his 'friends' never last? He didn't know what he's been doing wrong his entire life, but he was doing something wrong. He just didn't know what.

He didn't even realize he'd grabbed a volleyball on his way out until he was huddled around it in some secluded corner with no memory of getting there, trying to hold the tears in even though all he wanted to do was cry his sorrows out.

He couldn't do it again. He couldn't. The realization was like a lightning bolt in his heart. He couldn't deal with Karasuno abandoning him on the court, he didn't think he'd be able to recover from it.

He didn't have a choice anymore, he had to stop it from happening again, and he didn't know how to.

Except...

\----

Hinata bounded into the gym with more enthusiasm than he had had in ages, grinning around at everyone and getting slightly startled grins in return. “I’m so ready for practice today!”

“That’s great to hear!” Sugawara ruffled his hair with a grin and Hinata pouted up at him slightly, still grinning widely.

He didn’t even know what was so different about the gym today, it just felt so much more free. He couldn’t wait to practice, whatever it was. Flying falls or endless receives, he was so hyped up for it.

He was so excited he didn’t realize for half the practice that he hadn’t seen Kageyama. He stopped mid jump, feeling like he’d been electrocuted, landing on his feet and looking around. “Hey, where’s Kageyama? Is he sick?”

The atmosphere changed instantly, darkening the room and becoming gloomy and he started in confusion.

“You don’t have to wor-”

Tanaka was cut off by Ukai, “You were late so you don’t know, but Kageyama quit.” he tugged at his sleeves. “So you’re all gonna be training twice as hard.”

Hinata was frozen, staring at Ukai in confusion. “W-wha- Kageyama quit the team?” he asked, not believing his ears. Kageyama ‘I only care about Volleyball’ Tobio _quit?_ “Did he say why?”

Ukai thought back to when Kageyama had cornered him, having left class early to try and talk to him without the rest of the team.

“Ukai-san, I’m quitting.” he’d said, staring him in the eye, hands fisted at his sides with his back ramrod straight.

Ukai had looked him over slightly, chewing on the end of his cigarette for a moment before sighing. “It’s no use trying to convince you not to.” he finally said, “Honestly I’m surprised you hung around as long as you have.”

Kageyama’s eyes darted to the side.

“For what its worth...I don’t know what you did either.” he’d said at length. “Keep in shape and do what you can outside of school, don’t let...whatever this was ruin volleyball for you okay kid?” he paused, before patting him on the shoulder. “Best of luck.”

He’d nodded and bowed deeply, and quickly marched out of the gym. Ukai didn’t know what had happened, but as he watched him go he wished he knew, wished he could’ve fixed this shitty situation.

He returned his attention to Hinata, who looked pained, like he’d just stabbed him. “Kid, did you really not notice?” he replied gruffly.

“N-notice what?”

“Nevermind that, are you gonna tell us what he did now that he’s gone?” Tanaka called.

Hinata spun to face him, “What he did?” he echoed, completely confused.

“Yeah Shouyou, tell us already, we’ve all been dying to know!” Noya piped up.

“Not all of us.” Sugawara muttered. He wasn’t proud of what this team had done for no reason, but they’d all refused to see reason and Kageyama being happy was more important than winning matches.

“W-wha-I don’t…” Hinata looked between everyone in the gym.

“You said it yourself Shouyou! The gym is so much freer today!” Noya ruffled his hair.

Hinata felt like his heart was dropping into his stomach. “I-I didn’t-I don’t….what?” he asked softly, arm wrapping around his stomach.

“Come here Hinata, I’ll take you to the nurse.” Sugawara stepped forward, wrapping an arm around his shoulders loosely.

He nodded slightly, barely hearing the teams goodbyes as Sugawara led him out of the gym. They walked in silence for a couple minutes, “S-Sugawara-san?”

He hummed in response.

“W-what just happened? W-why does everyone think he did something? Why did he q-quit?” his throat was dry, he didn’t understand anything that was happening.

Suga sighed deeply, and sat him down on a bench, sitting next to him. “One day, you just started ignoring him.” he started, “Everyone noticed.”

“I-”

“And we all saw Kageyama trying to talk to you.” Sugawara cut him off, “And several members took the leap that he’d done something you weren’t going to forgive him for.” he closed his eyes, “I tried to convince them otherwise, but the gym just steadily felt more and more oppressive. I’m not surprised he finally quit.” he laughed bitterly, “We must’ve reminded him of his last match of junior high.” He turned to face Hinata, “Would you tell me what happened?”

Hinata gulped, the look on his face was as threatening as Daichi.

“I-” he didn’t even know where to start. “I-it wasn’t anything Kageyama did.” he finally managed past the painful lump in his throat. “Y-you’re saying...I made him quit? I…I have to fix this.” he stood up on shaky legs. “I’m sorry Sugawara-san. But I have to fix this.”

\-----

Kageyama stared at his ceiling. He’d already had his cry before he’d even gone to Ukai. He needed to just move past this, join the neighborhood association probably for starters. He didn’t know what to do with all this time that had previously been volleyball time. He knew he should work on homework, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to sit up and do it.

He really wished he knew what he’d done, why Hinata started ignoring him. He needed to stop thinking about that, he was never going to know and he had to live with not knowing.

It was different last time, he’d been told what he was doing wrong, he just didn’t fully understand what he was being told. This time he didn’t have anything to try and puzzle out.

He turned on his side to stare at his wall instead. Was he just too much of a dictator king?

At least Hinata was alive. It was a small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless.

“Kageyama!”

He was hallucinating now. Hinata wouldn’t be there, he would be at practice, having a good time finally without him there.

“Kageyama! Don’t make me climb this tree!”

His mind was playing cruel tricks on him, Hinata wasn’t here.

“Kageyama! I’m gonna do it!”

Whatever you want imaginary Hinata. He buried his head under his pillow like that would silence his mind. It seemed to work actually, giving him blissful silence for a few minutes. By the silence was crushing now, making him short of breath and on the edge of tears again.

_Taptaptaptaptap_.

Whatever bird was tapping on his window needed to stop.

_TaptapTAPTAPTAP_.

He rolled over and shot into a sitting position, ready to march across the room and throw his window open, only to come to a stop at the sight of Hinata leaning out of a tree and tapping rapidly on his window. He rubbed at his eyes, surely he was seeing things.

“Kageyama! Let me in!” he demanded, muffled by the glass.

He rolled out of bed and to the window, opening it carefully. “D-dumbass what are-”

“I’m sorry!” he said quickly, eyes wide and pleading. “I’m so sorry!” he started trying to pull himself into his room and Kageyama’s heart dropped to the floor when he watched his hand slip off the branch in slow motion, seeing Hinata’s terrified face in the split second before he dropped. And he was halfway out the window, grabbing at him before he even realized what he was doing.

He wanted to yell at him but he couldn’t find his voice, hanging onto the arm he’d snatched, and bracing himself against the window. He could feel his racing pulse all through his body and he tried to pull Hinata up.

Hinata for his part, was scrambling for purchase on the wall, managing to snag the windowsill with his other arm after several panicked moments, and together they quickly pulled him into his room.

“Dumbass never do that again!”

“Fall out of a tree? Odd-”

“Climb a tree!” he snapped, “That was stupid and risky and you could’ve died and what were you thinking?!”

“You weren’t answering the door!” Hinata huffed, “And I couldn’t wait.”

“Next time, do wait.” he muttered. “You can’t just try to get yourself killed like that Hinata!”

“Why do you care?!” Hinata demanded, “After I…”

“Of course I care!” he shouted back, finally letting go of his arm to push himself to his feet. “Why the hell are you even here?”

Hinata stared at the floor. “I need to apologise.”

“And some stupid apology was worth almost dying? Dumbass! I-” Can’t go through you dying again. He wanted to shake him or throw him out the window in frustration.

“Kageyama…” he sighed and got to his feet. “I’m sorry for that too. But, please don’t quit volleyball because of me.”

“I didn’t quit because of yo-”

“That’s not what Sugawara and Ukai said.”

“They’re not me.” he muttered.

“I-look Kageyama, I fucked up okay. Let me take responsibility for that. And explain.”

Kageyama turned away and sat on his bed. “There’s nothing to explain, I get it okay. I did something. We don’t need to go through this whole thing.”

Hinata scrambled to sit next to him. “You didn’t! You didn’t do anything! It was all me!” he objected. “That’s why we need to talk, and why you just can’t quit Kageyama.”

He sighed, refusing to look at him. “Fine explain then.”

“Uh right.” he shifted next to him. “I-It’s stupid okay, but I just…” he huffed in irritation, running a hand through his hair. “I-things were happening and I-” he struggled to find the words, mouth opening and closing before he sighed. “I wasn’t just ignoring _you_. But I guess the team was just so used to us being, well _us_ , that when we weren’t they thought it was just you and because of you that I was ignoring them too.”

Kageyama looked away silently.

“Kageyama please, I’d rather quit myself, than cause you to quit because of a misunderstanding.” Hinata grabbed onto his arm, trying to pull him to look at him.

“Dumbass they’ll just hate me more if you quit.” he muttered.

“I suppose… and I can’t make you rejoin, but _please_ think about it? I’ll talk to the team.” Hinata’s voice was high pitched and sorrowful.

Kageyama sighed, and laid back on his bed.

Hinata poked him in the side, “C’mon Kageyama, let’s go do something okay?”

“Not today.”

“Fair enough I suppose.” he sighed slightly, “I’m really sorry Kageyama.”

“I accept your apology Hinata,” he replied, wanting him to stop apologising. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good! I’ll see you sometime tomorrow okay?” he got up to go to the door. “Sorry about coming in through your window by the way.”

“Be careful getting home, you hear me dumbass?” he called after him.

“Sure, sure mom!” he called back sarcastically.

\-----

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting the next day, but it wasn’t a large number of angry texts before his first class. He refused to read them, shoving his phone into the bottom of his bag. Hinata said he’d fix it, he just had to trust in him.

Until his phone went off at lunch, and he saw that it was Sugawara-san. He’d been waiting for Hinata to show up, but he could take a call from Sugawara.

“Kageyama! Tell me you haven’t been reading the texts!” his voice was urgent and worried, he could practically see his wide-eyed expression.

“Just enough to know everyone’s mad.”

“Okay. Are you sitting down?”

Kageyama frowned, eyebrows drawing together, “Sitting?”

“I won’t tell you until you sit down.” Sugawara challenged, and Kageyama could almost see the hand on his hip.

He shifted to slide down and sit against the wall instead of leaning against it. “I’m sitting.”

“Okay then.” he heard him take a breath, “Okay.” and another, “Okay, I’m gonna just...spit this out.” a third breath. “You see-” another, “The thing is-” his voice cracked and Kageyama’s pulse was racing and -- “Hinata died.”

The phone dropped from his limp fingers. He died? Hinata was dead? Why? What? How? He’d seen him just yesterday! He didn’t fall from the tree and died like he feared he would’ve, he left through the door and went home! He couldn’t be dead! He was fine. There was no way he was never going to see him again, no way Hinata wouldn’t do his best to fix this shitty situation they’d ended up in. He couldn’t be dead. This was just a cruel joke, Sugawara had finally jumped in with the team on hating him.

Though it would explain all the angry texts, people blaming him for his death.

That alone made it feel more plausible.

He could hear Sugawara’s voice from far away, sounding worried and paniced, and he fumbled for his phone and ended the call.

Hinata was dead.

He didn’t even know how, didn’t want to know. He didn’t know why this was happening. What sins was he paying for from a past life?

Hinata was dead. And everyone blamed him.

And they should, because it was clearly because of him that Hinata kept dying. Why couldn’t he just die instead? Why did Hinata have to keep dying? Why couldn’t he just stay where Hinata was dead instead of reliving it in new ways every couple months? Why? Why was this happening?! Everytime he started to get a grip on his grief Hinata was alive again and then he was dead!

His nails were digging into his arms hard enough to draw blood, but he didn’t notice. Torn up inside from grief and the overwhelming feeling that the world was against him.

Hinata was dead.

It was all his fault.

And it always would be.

He didn’t need angry texts to tell him that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you all thought he was safe after the tree scare. >:3
> 
> The full chapter title would be 'The Return to Middle School' but I didn't want to spoil anything. :3 Suga is very mad at everyone.
> 
> Also this is the chapter I broke my own rule, which was that it would be only Kageyama's POV. But I didn't know how else to do that bit with full emotional impact. It's the only chapter that'll do that though.


	4. In which Kageyama's sure he's got it figured out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And ends up even more confused than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, this chapter is more important to the overall plot than I thought I was back when I wrote it.
> 
> Also the reveal chapter is coming along beautifully.

He found himself staring at Hinata on the other side of the net, he felt an oppressive weight on his shoulders as well and he looked around in confusion and he felt the weight settle in his gut at the sight of his Kitagawa Daiichi teammates before he went back to staring at Hinata, had he somehow seen their possible futures when he saw him? Hinata blinked in confusion before his eyes darted to his right wrist and he gasped, looking back at him.

“You’re my soulmate?”

He was in the middle of mirroring the action, and saw an oval clock on his wrist which was zero-ed out. He looked back up at Hinata.

Hinata had spoken so softly he didn’t think anyone heard but Hinata’s odd smattering of teammates where whispering and after a moment the match was paused and the pair of them were dragged off to a side room.

Kasgeyama wasn’t sure what was real anymore, this felt real…was he seeing things that could happen to kill Hinata? Was he supposed to prevent them? Nobody ever told him that if that was a normal soulmate thing.

“I’m Hinata Shouyou!” he chirped, hand out to shake.

“K-Kageyama Tobio.” He offered, shaking his hand.

“I can’t believe we’re soulmates! I mean I knew I would meet them today but I didn’t think they’d play volleyball!! And you’re so good at it too! You should’ve seen yourself like gwaahh and pah! And zip and zoom!” he was bouncing eagerly.

Kageyama found himself blushing under the praise from the little ray of sunshine.

“Ah! Do you have a cell phone? We should swap numbers!” Hinata was already looking around for a pen or something.

Before Kageyama could open his mouth he let out one of his joyful bird like noises and dashed to grab up a little notebook and pen, running back over and scribbling, quickly tearing off the top page and holding it out to him. “There you go!”

He took it, it had his name and number in quick sloppy writing. He reached out and took the pad and pen from him and wrote down his own handing them back when he was done.

“You don’t talk much.” Hinata observed, tearing off the top page while looking at it reverently and putting the objects back. “That’s okay though!” he added quickly, eyes darting to him, afraid he’d offended him. “Mom says I’m too loud for most people, maybe that’s to make up for you!” he laughed brightly

He couldn’t help himself, he reached out and pulled Hinata to his chest in a tight hug. He couldn’t let him die. He couldn’t. This wonderful little ray of sunshine could not be allowed to die.

Hinata squeaked slightly before he hugged back just as tight.

After a little bit longer they were pulled out to finish the match, if Hinata’s team managed to get a few more points and his tosses were a bit sloppier, well nobody had to know.

Hinata had mentioned going to Karasuno and when Kageyama admitted it was one of the ones he was thinking of he practically begged him to go with him, he couldn’t wait to play volleyball with him instead of against him.

When they arrived at Karasuno, together because Hinata insisted, they raced to the gym. He felt he had an unfair advantage against him, knowing how to get there, but he was just elated he was here, with Hinata.

“Oh! Are they our first years?” that was Suga’s voice! He couldn’t help but grin as they both burst through the door, panting.

“Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou, right?” Daichi asked, looking down at them.

“Yep!” Hinata jumped up, tiredness forgotten. “Hinata Shouyou!”

Suga was frowning at them before he suddenly gasped, “You two! You discovered you were soulmates at that match right?!” he exclaimed.

Kageyama nodded, standing up straight next to Hinata. He had thought several times about bringing up the...visions? he’d had but googling had shown that it wasn’t a normal thing, and he was too nervous and happy to ruin it by talking about his death.

“Congratulations! And you’re going to the same high school now, that’s pretty great.” Sugawara smiled at them.

“I guess we don’t have to worry about you two getting along then.” Daichi added with a grin.

“Have you seen Kageyama play? He’s amazing! I can’t wait to hit his tosses but he told me I couldn’t until I got better at receives! Would one of you teach me?” Hinata was bouncing around the room eagerly, looking up at their senpai. “Pretty please!”

He stood by no tosses until he could receive, it gave him motivation to get better after all. Besides after that match...he wasn’t so sure about his tosses anymore. The thought of a back toss terrified him, he knew he’d have to do it but he didn’t want to screw up horribly with Hinata’s first toss. He had to work past his fear, and this gave him more time. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t even really notice when Hinata convinced Suga and Tanaka to show up early to help them. Daichi had helpfully mentioned the match against the other first years that hadn’t shown up yet, so Hinata was eager to get started.

Hinata’s eagerness was contagious and that was how he found himself waiting for him at the school early the next morning. He hadn’t meant to get ahead of Hinata but he’d been excited, he wanted to toss to Hinata as soon as possible. He’d already gotten an angry text when he told Hinata he’d gotten there too early.

His ears perked up at the sound of a bike and he looked up from the ground, spotting Hinata biking rapidly towards him. He wasn’t sure when their senpai would show up but he would be fine with spending time with Hinata.

He waved at him slightly and got a wide grin and a wave back.

He still couldn’t believe he’d found his soulmate. Those...visions he’d had though. He was terrified he’d lose him. He didn’t know what he’d do if it happened, he was worried constantly, seeing Hinata didn’t get rid of his fear, he’d died in front of him after all.

Though when Hinata reached his side and smiled widely at him it was hard to resist the urge to respond with a smile.

“Kageyama, Kageyama, I’m so excited to play volleyball with you! I still can’t believe my soulmate is a player! And a really great one too!” he grabbed his hand as he headed to the gym. “A king even!”

He flinched, pulling his hand away slightly.

Hinata blinked and turned to look at him, “What’s wrong?” he stepped closer to look up into his face.

“D-don’t call me that.” he mumbled, looking anywhere but his face.

“Why not? It’s a cool nickname!” he grinned.

“I said don’t!” he snapped. He couldn’t help it, the wound was too fresh.

Hinata flinched, “O-okay...I’m sorry.” he let go of his hand, continuing towards the gym subdued.

Kageyama sighed slightly, reaching forward and grabbing his hand. “It’s...not a good nickname.” he muttered. He owed him some explanation.

“Not a good one?” Hinata was back to looking up at him worriedly.

“It...doesn’t mean what you think it does.” he felt guilty not telling him where it came from. But he was scared, scared to his core. What if after he told him he realized his team was right? Especially after he had to try and hit his toss. He just found his soulmate, he couldn’t lose him, especially over a stupid nickname.

Hinata was frowning at him, “...okay Kageyama.” he grinned widely, “Boyfriend is a better nickname anyway!”

Kageyama felt his face burn hotly. “D-dumbass!” he raised his free hand to cover his face, “Y-you can’t just…”

Hinata’s bright laughter filled the air, “You’re so cute when you blush Kageyama!” he was swinging their linked hands happily.

He grumbled under his breath as he followed him to the gym.

It took the majority of the week for Hinata to improve his receives, he’d been sending them back to him for a quarter of an hour now and looked exhausted. He wanted him to stop, to not hurt himself. But he couldn’t bring himself to go easy on him, even if he was his soulmate.

Which is why he cursed when he accidentally sent it much further than he intended to, he opened his mouth to apologize when he realized the dumbass was going for the ball still. He could only stare in shock as he saved it, and sent it back to him. He looked up at the ball as it came towards him, Hinata more than deserved a toss, but he was too tired right? But he didn’t have it in him to let a ball drop to the floor like that, and set it up nice and high, watching it float in the air. He glanced at Hinata to see him gasping for breath, he heard Suga’s shocked ‘He tossed to him!’ and Hinata’s face lit up, and he dashed forward and into the air, spiking the ball with a look of pure joy on his face, exhaustion forgotten for a moment.

It took his breath away. That someone was so happy to hit one of his tosses...he couldn’t believe it.

And then he was panting on the floor and Kageyama was crouched next to him, patting his back. “We’re gonna win.” he stated firmly.

Hinata grinned widely up at him.

Was that idiot holding his brea- he jumped back before he threw up on him.

“Rag! Water!” Suga ordered, rushing to his side. “Hinata! You should be more careful not to overdo it!” he was rubbing his back as Tanaka rushed over with the rag and water.

“B-but...he-he tossed to me!” he panted, grinning widely still.

Suga sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do to dismiss his happiness for something as trivial as his health.

They reached the match against Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and he was still scared of tossing to Hinata, of him realizing his team was right about him.

But then that dumbass jumped up behind him, yelling “I’m here!” and he just reacted, sending him a toss.

And he managed to touch it. It felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders, even if it was out.

Hinata told him not to think about that match but how could he not? Everyone knew about it and it was horrible. At least Hinata understood why he hated the king nickname now, at least somewhat. It was hard to forget it.

But then Hinata jumped with his eyes closed and it felt like his heart left his chest again. Even if they were soulmates he couldn’t believe he could place that amount of trust in him.

They won the match, he almost couldn’t believe it. That quick...it was amazing. He couldn’t stop staring at Hinata.

At the mention of a match against Aoba Josai, his blood seemed to freeze in his veins. Oikawa? Kindaichi? Kunimi? The majority of his team? How would he...he shook it off, he’d push it away and move forward, he would show them that there was someone who loved his tosses, and rose to meet him.

He had gotten to school early again, it was the day of the match. He’d been unable to sleep and he’d even kept Hinata up, he felt horrible for it. But there he was, biking towards him with a wide grin on his face, looking forward to beating Seijou.

Neither of them heard it, too wrapped up in their thoughts.

But there was a sudden loud honk, before either of them could react, Hinata went flying.

“HINATA!” he screamed, why didn’t he see this? Why did he have visions of his death but not this? He was racing across the street towards him, sliding several feet and ending up at his side. “Hinata! Please! Be okay!” he couldn’t lose him!

Hinata groaned, looking up at him. “Tobio? What…”

“Y-you got hit…” he didn’t know what to do, should he hold him? Should he not touch him? What was he supposed to do?

“Is that why everything hurts?”

“P-probably, dumbass.”

“How can we beat Aoba Josai? And show them how great you are?” Hianta asked, frowning.

“D-dumbass! That doesn’t matter! Just focus on being okay!”

“But we have to show them…” he mumbled, closing his eyes.

“KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!” he roared, heart in his throat.

Hinata whined softly but looked up at him. “Tobio…”

“What?”

“I’m glad I got to meet you.”

“D-don’t speak like that!”

“I’m glad I got to hit your toss.”

“Shouyou…” he was shaking his head, “You have to hit it more!”

“It hurts Tobio…” he whimpered, reaching a hand up to him.

“Shh it’ll be okay.” he grabbed his hand, holding it to his face.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise dumbass!” his heart was beating its way out of his chest, this couldn’t be happening, it couldn’t… He finally heard sirens in the distance and smiled at him, “S-see, helps almost here. You’ll be fine.”

He hummed slightly, looking out over the road.

“Hinata…” his voice cracked, “You have to be okay…I can’t lose you.” again.

“Win lots of games.” Hinata replied.

“Of course dumbass, with you.”

Hinata opened his mouth to reply but Kageyama was pulled away as the paramedics started loading him up to go. He hadn’t even heard them arrive.

He could only watch as he was taken away in an ambulance again. It felt like his heart went with it, he’d never come back before after all.

Sugawara found him standing there, staring down the street an hour later. He didn’t even notice he was there until he was shaking his hand in front of his eyes. He finally turned to look at him, noticing Daichi next to him.

“Kageyama, what’s wrong?” Daichi was frowning.

“H-Hinata…” his eyes slid back to the road.

“What about Hinata?” Sugawara asked softly.

“H-he got hit.” he felt detached from his body, like it was happening to someone else. He was only dimly aware of it as Daichi pulled him into a hug, trying to get him to look away from the road.

“Kageyama, it’ll be okay.” Sugawara was at his back, rubbing it helpfully.

“It won’t.” he muttered, tearing his eyes from the road.

“Oh you don’t know that, he’s at the hospital now, they’re good at their job after all!”

He nodded slightly, but he knew they wouldn’t be good enough. He was only dimly aware of Daichi shaking slightly. He wasn’t the only one suffering he knew, he had to pull himself out of this and try to do something for his team. Maybe the doctors would be good enough this time…

After a few more minutes Kageyama slowly pulled away, “We should...go to the gym.” he said slowly. He wished he could stand there and be hugged, but he felt wrong taking comfort when he wasn’t even crying. He wouldn’t cry until they knew he was dead. He couldn’t break down for no reason.

“R-right.” he had a feeling Sugawara was wiping his face off, Daichi was in front of him.

“We need to tell the team.” Daichi said gruffly.

“Right!” Sugawara sounded like he regained some of his energy.

Kageyama ignored anyone tried to talk to him, throwing himself into practice, they hadn’t heard anything, and no news was good news right? He found himself checking his timer, like it would change if he died.

 

It did.

 

He looked down and the numbers were red, not white. He froze in place, staring down at his wrist like it was lying. Hinata couldn’t be dead. No way. It was Hinata. He couldn’t die, before they even got to play a real match together!

It felt like he couldn’t get enough air, he couldn’t tear his eyes from the red numbers, his chest was heaving, trying to get him oxygen but it wasn’t enough. he was stuck on the idea of Hinata being dead. Because of him. Again. After all if he hadn’t been so early they would’ve been walking and he would’ve been able to keep an eye out for cars and he wouldn’t have gotten hurt and he wouldn’t have died.

“Kageyama….Kageyama….Tobio!” his head snapped up at his first name, and he found himself staring at Daichi.

He heard a whimper leave his throat, and he stuck his arm out slightly.

“It….” Sugawara stopped, “It’ll be okay eventually.” he said softly, pulling him into another hug.

This one he returned, wrapping his arms around the other setter, burying his face in his shoulder as he started crying finally. He’d held them back for what felt like days but had only been a few hours at most.

Hinata was dead, and there was nothing he could do to change it. And it was his fault.

He wasn’t sure if this was a dream or reality. He didn’t know what to think of the other times he’d died. He’d been clinging to the visions idea but it was clear that wasn’t it now. He felt lost and confused and alone, even as the team took turns patting him on the back and saying things he couldn’t make out through the haze.

He wanted to quit the team. That was the next thought that got through his mind. But...Hinata wanted him to win games for him. He couldn’t. He forced himself to stop crying and pull back, he tried to look at the team but didn’t manage it, staring at the floor.

“Kageyama, it wasn’t your fault.” Sugawara was suddenly leaning into his line of sight. “You couldn’t have done anything to stop it. It was an accident.”

He shook his head slightly. He couldn’t explain how it was his fault but it was. Just like the dreams or visions. It was always his fault. He kept putting this amazing boy in danger. Beyond what the doctors could fix.

Kageyama’s stomach churned, it was his fault.

“Kageyama!” Daichi’s voice reached him and he managed to raise his head to look at him. “What could you have done?”

He shook his head mutely, the words were there but he couldn’t force them out. He could’ve met up with him so he’d walk with him. Then he could’ve pushed him out of the way. But the words got lodged in his throat, and he just felt like crying again.

“I have to go.” he muttered, and rushed out of the gym without another word. He heard his name being shouted but he couldn’t face them, not right now. He’d lost his soulmate within weeks of finding him. He just wanted to be alone.

He was always going to be alone. That’s what those visions or whatever had meant, if he got close to anyone they’d die. What had he done in a past life to deserve this?

He was running, he felt the cold wind rushing against his face, he didn’t know where he was going except away, away from the school and the team and anything that could remind him about Hinata. Hinata...he’d actually liked Kageyama, not because of his volleyball skills, but on top of them. Nobody had ever liked him, they tolerated him.

When he finally stopped, panting and exhausted, he realized he was in front of Hinata’s house. Did his mother even know he was dead? She deserved to know… but he couldn’t find the will to move forward.

He stared at the house for a long time, wondering if she was even there. In the end he just turned around and left, feeling like a coward.

Hinata deserved better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you love soulmate AUs? :)
> 
> I PROMISE DEATHLESS CHAPTERS EXIST.
> 
> HINATA WILL STOP DYING.


	5. In which Kageyama has Oikawa issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which nothing is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for one of my favorite chapters? Buckle your seat belts because it's a hell of a trip.
> 
> Also I'm happy to announce that I have an /amazing/ third year AU idea to do after I finish this fic!
> 
> Thanks so much for 800 hits! I hope you all love this chapter as much as I do! 
> 
> Sorry this is so late in the day I had a midterm!
> 
> Yams if you're reading this, pause for a moment and check your phone. :)

Kageyama looked horrible, he had bags under his eyes and was reacting a bit sluggishly. Not enough that it really affected him but after he nearly missed the fifth toss because he was yawning he gave in. “I’m going to turn in.” He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.

“Sleep well!” Sugawara called after him as he went to the doors, nobody had any real objections, they all wanted him rested up for their match against Nekoma.

The ‘bedroom’ was just a big room full of futons, so they tried to be mindful of their sleeping teammate as they entered the room to get their things and take turns with the baths. He slept through all of it, and they were still quiet as they hung out, exhausted but still too awake to go to sleep. After an hour however, Ukai had poked his head in and commanded they all go to bed already, they need to be rested for the next day, the match with Nekoma wasn’t that far away!

There was grumbling as they all went to their futons and laid down, Suga was by the door, waiting for them to settle before he turned off the light when there was a sudden muttering. He looked over the team with a frown, but then there was a sudden shout and all eyes snapped to Kageyama, who was twisting in his sheets.

“Is he...having a nightmare?” Hinata asked hesitantly, sitting up from beside him and leaning over him to peer at his face.

Suga carefully made his way over trying not to step on those that had managed to fall asleep.

Kageyama was continuing to mutter in his sleep, still shifting and making the sheets twist around him.

“Kageyama-kun…” Hinata shook his shoulder slightly. “It’s a dream.” he stated firmly, alarmed at the expression on his face, he looked like he was in pain.

Suga was kneeling across from him now, watching his kouhai’s fitful sleep. “Can you tell what he’s saying?”

He shook his head, “Only partial words.” he was looking up at him now. “We should wake him right?”

“The King will get over it.” Tsukishima called, “Everyone has nightmares, probably just about losing the upcoming match.” he clearly wanted them to shut up so he could go to sleep, his glasses were already off but he was looking in their direction.

\-----

Kageyama was standing on a volleyball court. That was normal, even if he could barely see the opponents. They were tall, but so was his team. He was confident they could win this, they just had to be faster than the block. It should be simple. They just had to hit his tosses and score, their receives weren’t the best. But it wasn’t going according to plan, they weren’t hitting his tosses easily.

He didn’t understand, he just wanted to win. His team could do it, he knew it. They just weren’t.

Suddenly he saw Oikawa on the sidelines, which stunned him into missing his toss, losing a point. “O-Oikawa-san?”

“Tobio-chan!” he grinned, “What are you doing?”

“Playing volleyball?” he said slowly, confused at the question.

“It seems more like you’re being rejected to me.” his voice was light.

His head spun back around to his team, who were all standing with their backs to him. “W-wha…”

He watched as they turned around smiling suddenly, and he was frozen in confusion, before he realized they were smiling at Oikawa.

“Oikawa-senpai! Are you going to get in the game?”

“Yeah, Oikawa-senpai was so much better!”

He could only stare in shock and pain as his teammates crowded around Oikawa, begging him to get in the game and save them from him. It felt like there was a rock in his stomach. His team never could stop going on about Oikawa, even those that hadn’t known him. He’d never known how to be like Oikawa, but he’d tried his hardest to give his team what they wanted. But he didn’t know what they wanted, not really.

Even then he’d still heard the mutters, wishing Oikawa was there. Wishing he hadn’t graduated. Angry that there hadn’t been a second year setter. That they were stuck with him or nobody. And when they had gotten a new setter, the kid hadn’t wanted anything to do with Kageyama. Nobody ever did. His hands were shaking at his sides as he watched them crowd Oikawa.

What had he ever done to him? He’d just joined the team but the older setter had hated him immediately. He didn’t realize until months later, but he came to understand that Oikawa had always hated him. He just wanted to play volleyball and win. He’d tried to be like Oikawa, he’d tried to be like Iwaizumi. In the end all he could do was yell at them. Never yelling what he really wanted to know, what he’d done wrong, what he could do to fix it. Why they hated them. Why none of them would talk to him. He never understood.

Something inside him was screaming as the team came back to the court, disappointed that Oikawa couldn’t fill for him. It was begging him to pay attention. But he was too full of hurt to mind it, and he snapped at them to just go faster. They could win if they just did that. But his explanations always got stuck, lodged in his throat.

He went to set on the next rally, a back toss. The screaming got louder but he paid it no mind he couldn’t afford to be distracted. He spun to watch his teammate swing and as he did time seemed to slow. And the memories came rushing in, but they were too late as he looked and saw what he’d known he would in his gut.

No one was there.

They were all just standing there, nobody had ran. He was helpless to close his eyes as he watched the ball fall to the floor, the dull thud echoing endlessly in his mind as the court and players faded away into endless black. He was alone. It wasn’t really a change from the game, he was actually happier like this. But the thump was replaying over and over echoing endlessly into the void. He clapped his hands over his ears like that could stop it but it couldn’t. The sound was only in his head.

He screwed his eyes shut, he wanted it to stop. He didn’t want this. He’d sworn to get better and he had! He didn’t yell at his teammates anymore! Why couldn’t he get it out of his head?

“Kageyama-kun!” his head spun, instinctively responding to that voice. Hinata was waving at him, a bright spot of color in the blackness.

“H-Hinata?”

“What are you doing?! We’re gonna be late!” he huffed.

He found himself rising to the silent challenge, jogging over. “I’ll still beat you there.”

“Yeah right.” they both crouched.

“Go!” they both shouted, bolting off like a shot, rushing to the gym. He wasn’t even sure why, maybe they had a practice match?

They burst through the doors, Hinata slightly ahead of him and he huffed.

“I beat you! I beat you!” Hinata was cheering, bouncing on the spot.

“Yeah, I know.” he muttered. And suddenly some sixth sense was screaming at him but before he could even process that there was a gunshot and Hinata jerked, falling back out of the door with a look of shock and pain.

His mind stopped even as his arms reached out to grab him. “HINATA!” he screamed, falling to the floor with him in his lap.

“Kageyama…” he frowned slightly, looking confused.

“I’m here.”

“Why did you lie?” he asked weakly.

“L-lie?” he didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Y-you told me I’d be...invincible.” he coughed.

“I-I…” he couldn’t find the words.

“You told me!” he looked angry and in pain. “L-let me go!” he struggled in his arms and he could only put him down on the floor in an attempt to make him stop. He didn’t want him to hurt himself because of him.

“Kageyama!” that was Suga’s voice and he lifted his head from Hinata to look at him. “Why did you do this?!” he looked furious, his expression twisted in hatred as he knelt next to Hianta.

“I-I didn’t! Th-there was a gun!” he tried to defend himself but he wasn’t even sure why he was bothering. He wouldn’t believe him.

“Its your fault!” he spat, glaring at him with a fierce rage in his eyes. “Get out of here!” he demanded, shoving at him. “Get away from him! You don’t deserve to be near him!” he swung out with his arm broadly, spit flying from his mouth as he tried to get Kageyama to get away from Hinata.

He stumbled to his feet, looking down at Hinata who was glaring at him in pure hatred as he bled out.

“Suga-san said get out!” and suddenly Tanaka was tackling him away from his downed kouhai.

Kageyama slammed into a pillar, flung against it by the force of his charge.

Tanaka charged him again shoving him harder against it. “Get lost! You’re not wanted here!” he snarled into his face, pulling him back and slamming him into the pillar before flinging him away to the floor. “You were never wanted here!”

He had a perfect view of Hinata bleeding out and he slowly forced himself to his knees, groaning at the pain that shot through him. God it hurt.

“Get up already, King.” Tsukishima’s voice sounded from behind him and he swallowed as he tried to push himself up further, he didn’t get far before he felt pressure on his back and he was shoved against the floor, he wasn’t sure by who but he struggled against them, trying to get up. He didn’t want to stare as Hinata died in front of him.

“Even better watch your subject die because of you. It is because of you you know? If you weren’t here he wouldn’t be hurt.” whatever was pushing him down ground against his spine, slowly and painfully, as Tsukishima continued. “High and mighty King.”

He heard Yamaguchi snickering before he saw his face, kneeling in front of him. “King, right?” he picked something up from the side, putting it on his head. His eyes widened and he tried to shake it off but someone else pushed down on his neck, hard enough to hurt and he stopped moving. Yamaguchi moved out of his line of sight and he saw Hinata staring at him.

“Kageyama...why? I just...wanted to play volleyball.”

He shook his head mutely, he didn’t know what was happening anymore. Everything hurt and Hinata was dying in front of him and his team was crowning him king. It was so confusing. “S-Suga-san…” he gasped out, “I-I didn’t...I didn’t hurt him…” he didn’t want them to think he was able to do something like that. He couldn’t hurt Hinata, he’d rather die.

“Kageyama.” he heard Daichi’s strict voice and twisted his head to look at him. To his shock he was the one holding him against the floor, Tsukishima off to the side.

“C-captain?” he was shocked, unable to take in that his captain was treating him this way.

“Hey Hinata, don’t you have something for our King?” that was Asahi’s voice but he didn’t know where the ace was.

Hinata nodded slightly and Suga helped him to sit up. There was something white in his arms that fell to the ground as he rose painfully to his feet. The blood soaked into the white thing and he watched as Suga picked it up.

His breath was sucked out of his lungs.

A blood-soaked cloak was handed to Hinata, who slowly made his way over, stumbling slightly and supported by whomever was closest to him.

He felt Daichi get off his back but he could only stare at Hinata in horror. He knelt slowly in front of him and tossed the cloak over him.

He gagged at the smell of blood, the smell and feel of Hinata’s blood seeping into his clothes through the cloak.

Hinata smiled and tugged his head up gently. “A kiss to seal the Kings coronation.” he leaned in and kissed him harshly, blood from his hands smearing onto his face.

He couldn’t respond to the kiss and could only stare as Hinata pulled back. “Long live the lonely King.” he smiled bitterly before he fell backwards.

Kageyama cried out, reaching out for him to try and stop it, but he could do nothing as Hinata’s head hit the floor with a horrifying crack.

He twitched once than laid still.

“The queen is dead.” Noya’s voice rang out, as he knelt next to Hinata, checking his pulse.

“Now look what you did Kageyama!” Suga snarled, “Before there was a chance now he’s dead! It’s all your fault.” He turned and left, and Daichi rushed after him, pulling him into a side hug as they walked off.

One by one the team left, with angry parting hateful words. And he was left alone battered and bruised, in a blood soaked cloak, staring at Hinata’s dead body. “H-Hinata…” he coughed “Hinata I’m sorry…” he was crying, shivering slightly as the night came upon them. He wondered if he would freeze to death, covered in liquid like he was. He refused to think about what that liquid was. “Hinata...I didn’t mean for this to happen…” he tried to push himself up weakly, dragging himself slowly to his side. “Hinata…” he looked down at his face, eyes forever open and staring up. “I wish I hadn’t come to Karasuno...I…” he didn’t know why he was trying to find forgiveness from a corpse, “I would rather die than have you die because of me.” he managed. He reached out with shaking hands, closing his eyes gently and bowing his head, sobbing weakly.

“Long live the king! I see you’ve done well in Karasuno Tobio-chan.” Oikawa was walking towards them and he could only watch. “Killing your subjects is the sign of a great king indeed.” he smiled, kneeling at Hinata’s head. “It’s sad really, I think the boy might’ve been able to love you.” he nudged his head with his foot, it flopped to the side. “And now…”

“I loved him.” he admitted out loud, “I didn’t want this to happen.”

“You should’ve learned in middle school. You cause pain to everyone around you.” he ruffled his hair slightly. “Maybe now you’ll learn your lesson.”

“I wish I was dead.” the words fell from his lips before he realized he was thinking it.

“That would be just like a king, running away from his problems.” Oikawa laughed, “However, I think I’ll grant you that wish. I’d love a chance to kill you.” he smirked, hand trailing down from the top of his head, coming to a stop around his neck. “Or maybe I’ll only let you believe you’ll die, and you’ll wake up next to his corpse. I don’t know which would be better.” he laughed as he brought his other hand up, squeezing gently at first then stronger. “Tobio-chan, the lonely king. I wonder what you want from this.”

“H-him alive.” he gasped out, not having the strength to fight Oikawa if he even wanted to, his eyes trailed back to Hinata. He deserved a slow death for causing his.

“Your death won’t bring him back, unless you can turn back time.” he laughed, squeezing harder so he wouldn’t be able to force words out anymore. His world was darkening, it wouldn’t be long before he passed out. “Tobio-chan, you weren’t worthy of him, you know that right?”

He managed a weak nod.

Oikawa smirked and suddenly pulled his hands away, and he gasped for air. “W-why did y-yo-you st-stop?”

“Oh don’t worry Tobio-chan, I’ll do it again. And again. And again. And maybe eventually I’ll finally give you your release. But you deserve to feel as much pain as the shorty did.” he smiled at him, leaning down. “I want you to want to live before I kill you.” He whispered close to his ear

He didn’t think that would be possible, with Hinata’s blood dying on his skin, he never wanted to live again. Oikawa’s hands rose to his neck again and he closed his eyes as they tightened, slowly cutting off his air.

It seemed to go on for hours, he lost track of how many times he ended up gasping for breath. It started hurting more, as his lungs screamed for air and his neck rapidly bruised.

He deserved this.

But, he suddenly realized, like a bucket of cold water was dumped on his head, he wanted to fix what he’d caused. Make it up to the team. Hinata would’ve wanted that.

Oikawa seemed to sense his change of heart because he suddenly smirked when he’d been looking bored for awhile. “There it is.” he suddenly brought both hands to his neck, tightening instantly even as he gasped for breath.

“O-Oika-”

“Now that you want to live, you’ll die.” his hands tightened harder, sending pain throughout his neck at the force. His hands came up weakly, trying to pry his hands away but he knew he didn’t have a hope of doing it. His vision darkened again like it had so many times before.

“Goodbye King.” Oikawa murmured, and then he knew no more, he thought he saw Hinata move just before, but it was probably just a trick of his oxygen deprived brain.

\-----

“Kageyama!” was that Hinata’s voice? But he was dead. Both of them were actually. He blinked his eyes open painfully, his neck was on fire as he looked around, Hinata wasn’t where he’d seen him last. Had he not really died? His chest filled with hope as he slowly pushed himself to his feet. He was freezing, and he tried to pull the cloak tighter around him before he remembered what it was. He fought to take it off for a minute before he resigned himself to the fact he couldn’t. He looked around for Hinata. He had to be here somewhere…

What was that idiot doing standing in the middle of the street? He stumbled forward. “Dumbass! Get out of the road!” He would tackle him out of it if he wouldn’t move for some stupid reason.

Hinata just stared at him silently, tilting his head at him as he stumbled over his feet trying to get to him. His back ached and his neck burned and stung with pain. There was dried blood all over him and his clothes, and he was freezing, but he had eyes only for Hinata, cared only about Hinata. “Du-dumbass! You could die!”

Hinata tilted his head in the other direction, looking unconcerned.

He huffed and continued moving forward, the road felt far further than he knew it to be. He attributed it to his pain and slow pace. He couldn’t understand why he was just standing there and staring at him. Not moving, with his head tilted like there was something odd about him. What was the idiot doing standing in the middle of the road?

It felt like it took ten minutes to reach the edge of the road and he paused for a moment to take a deep breath before moving forward again. “Dumbass I’ll move you then.”

He squinted at him in confusion and opened his mouth.

Kageyama had eyes only for Hinata, the only reason he knew there was something wrong was when he felt air woosh by his face.

And then the bus sped right through Hinata.

“HINATA!” he screamed, somehow forcing it past his painful throat, he saw blood and spit go flying.

Then suddenly there wasn’t any pain anymore and that startled him as much as blinking rapidly and seeing scattered members of his team in front of him did. He couldn’t hold back a flinch when he looked to his right and saw Tanaka and Suga.

“Kageyama!” his head swiveled to Noya and he blinked rapidly in confusion. “Calm down, it’s okay!” he reached out hesitantly and put a hand on his shoulder. “It was just a nightmare.”

“N-nightmare?” he looked around the room, doing a head count and trying to find Hinata. Where was he? He squeezed his pillow tighter to his chest and blinked at how warm it was, looking down and freezing as he realized he’d clutched Hinata to his chest at some point.

His arms jumped back from him, freeing the redhead, and Hinata leaned back slowly, looking up at him. “You okay?”

His mind was still stuck in the nightmare and he reached up to his neck gingerly. There wasn’t any pain. They’re shouldn’t be, because it was all just a dream.

Or was it? Was all of that real? He couldn’t be sure anymore. Anything could be real.

“You scared us Kageyama.” he looked over at Suga in confusion.

“You were mumbling in your sleep and it was kinda funny but then you started shaking and at one point you looked like you were trying to pull something away from your neck and then you screamed my name and sat up!” Hinata was looking at him worriedly, eyes wide. “What happened?”

“I-I…” his mind was racing, trying to remember what was reality and what was a nightmare.

“Let’s start with that end.” Suga offered, rubbing his back comfortingly.

“He died.” that was easy enough to say. Even if his mind flashed to the bloody cloak. He realized there was a blanket twisted around his shoulders still and he quickly ripped it off of himself.

Suga hummed softly, rubbing a bit harder.

“How?” Hinata asked, tilting his head.

“Don’t do that.” he snapped immediately.

“Huh?” he frowned, tilting his head straight.

It was easier to focus on Hinata instead of the rest of the team. “You were standing in the middle of the road just staring at me with your head tilted.” he muttered. “It was creepy.”

“That sounds creepy!” Hinata nodded, shifting to sit closer to him. “And?”

“And once I finally got close to you a bus…” he trailed off.

Hinata winced slightly. “That’s horrible! No wonder!” he pat his back. “What about before that?”

He shook his head mutely, he couldn’t tell them about the rest. No way.

“Was Oikawa there at some point?” Tanaka asked and he blinked over at him. “I thought I heard his name.”

He nodded very minutely, resisting the urge to check his neck again.

“Don’t worry about him,, we’ll beat him again!” Tanaka slapped his back.

He couldn’t help a slight scoff. The volleyball part had been the best part of the nightmare. He felt hot, uncomfortable with half of his team staring at him worriedly. He shifted in place, trying to cool down.

Hinata suddenly jumped up at his side, grabbing his arm. “Kageyama, Kageyama, come with me!” he insisted, tugging at him. “I wanna show you something!” he added when he didn’t move.

It was as good an excuse as anything and he got tho his feet and followed him out of the room, sighing in relief as they were out of sight of the team.

Hinata grinned back at him, “You looked uncomfortable.” he said softly, tugging him more gently to the door and sitting down on the step. “It was bad wasn’t it?” he asked, looking up at him.

He nodded slightly, sitting down next to him and looking out at the stars.

“You should talk to someone about it.” he offered softly, “Or you won’t be able to stop thinking about it.”

“...you died twice.” he offered, then frowned, “I think.”

“You think?”

“Noya-san said you were dead but when I woke up you were in the middle of the street.” he licked his lip. “I was confused and everything hur-” he cut himself off, he hadn’t meant to mention that.

“Hurt? Why?” he shifted to face him more, “Does it have to do with the neck thing?”

His hand rose to his neck. “Kinda…” he sighed, hanging his head back to look up at the sky. “There was a gunshot and you were bleeding...and…”

“And?” he proded softly.

“The t-team thought it was m-my fault.”

Hinata gasped next to him, resting a hand on his knee as he leaned over, trying to look up into his face. “That’s horrible!”

“S-Suga-san was screaming at me.” he licked his lips. “It was horrible.”

He felt Hinata nod next to him, shifting closer to rest against him softly.

“And Tanaka-san…” he trailed off.

“Tanaka-san…?” he proded with a soft voice.

“Tackled me into a pillar.” he spat out, “And things happened and Noya-san put a crown on my head.” he was trying to skip the abuse he’d suffered at the hands of his team. “And then you managed to get up, and you dropped something on a floor and Suga-san picked it up,” the words were rushing out of his mouth now, he couldn’t stop them though he wanted to. “And it was covered in your blood and it was a cloak and you put it on my shoulders and then you died.” he held back the words about Oikawa.

“Kageyama!” Hinata sounded horrified, “That’s…” his jaw was slack as he struggled to find words, “Stupid! I’d never put a cloak on you, let alone a blood soaked one!” his eyes looked glossy and he blinked rapidly, “I’m so sorry you had such a horrible nightmare!”

He couldn’t help a laugh, “I’ve had worse.” his life lately felt like a nightmare.

“Worse than that?” he gasped in horror, before pausing and looking down. “You don’t have to tell me...but what about Oikawa...and the neck?” he asked, looking up at him through his lashes.

He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “Oikawa-san appeared twice.” he said softly, “At the beginning and after you died. After you died the team left one by one. And I was alone with your body.” he swallowed, “And then Oikawa-san appeared.”

“Said something about a king losing his servants?” Hinata offered.

“Something like that.” the details were fairly sketchy. “And after a little bit he knelt in front of me, and slowly…” he gestured towards his neck.

Hinata was paying close attention, it felt almost unnerving the focus that was on him.

“And then he stopped.” he brought a hand to rub at his neck softly, “He did it over and over.” he lost count, it had felt like hours but of course it wasn’t. Dreams just felt longer than they really were.

Hinata frowned slightly, “You didn’t try to stop him?”

“Not for a long time.” he admitted softly, soft enough he hoped Hinata didn’t hear him. “But I suddenly had a thought and I started struggling and he laughed and said that it was time for me to actually die.” he gestured slightly, “And then I woke up and saw you in the middle of the street and my lungs and throat hurt so bad…it felt like it took 10 minutes to get to you, and you were just staring at me the whole time. Not blinking.”

Hinata whined softly, wrapping an arm around him. “That’s truly horrible Kageyama…” he pulled him against him. “I’m glad you woke up, and that we were at training camp so you could see me and know I wasn’t dead.”

He nodded slightly, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“Ah! That’s why you flinched when you saw Tanaka-san and Suga-senpai right?”

He nodded again. He just wanted to go back to sleep but he knew the nightmares would just continue. “You should go in and go to sleep.”

Hinata gasped, sounding scandalized. “No way! Leave you here alone? Not a chance! Idiot!” he huffed, pushing himself closer to him.

“I won’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night.” he muttered, “No point in you missing sleep too.”

“Kageyama, I’m not going to leave my best friend alone with his thoughts after a horrible nightmare!” he huffed, then blushed.

He blinked, turning his head to look at him. “Best friend?” he asked softly. He felt a lump in his throat, did Hinata really think of him as his best friend? Hinata was his closet friend but did he think of him that way? Was he really closet to him as well?

He nodded firmly, “Of course! I spend the most time with you! If you want to be my best friend…” he looked away slightly.

“Of course dumbass! Do you think I have nightmares about just anyone’s death?” he demanded.

“Then we’re best friends!” Hinata grinned widely, wrapping his arms around him tightly in a hug.

He’d been holding back for so long but at that he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. His mind was stuck both in the nightmare and in the times Hinata had died. He’d felt like crying for a long time but he felt like he’d never stop once he started. But with Hinata’s happy declaration of best friendship he couldn’t help it.

“Kageyama!” Hinata’s worried voice was in his ear. “D-did I say something wrong?” he asked, trying to look at his face as he buried it into his knees.

“N-No d-dumbass.” he muttered.

He felt the huff more than heard it and Hinata’s arms shifted around him. “It’s okay Kageyama…” he said softly. “It was just a nightmare. None of that would ever happen. Karasuno isn’t like your old ‘team’” he practically spat the word, “They’re not even worthy of that title. And the team wouldn’t blame you for something happening to me, it would probably be my fault for doing something stupid.” he continued, “And Oikawa...he’s not that horrible. Or else Iwaizumi wouldn’t be around him right? Iwaizumi was nice to you, he wouldn’t be around someone that could just kill someone like that.” he said firmly.

He nodded slightly, unable to speak through his gasps.

“And even if we ever felt like crowning you king of something….well that’d be stupid but if we did it certainly wouldn’t be with a blood-soaked cloak and I would have nothing to do with it!” he insisted vehemently. “That was probably Tsukishimna’s fault too! He called you king while you were asleep so you probably heard him! I’ll make him stop!” he insisted.

He laughed slightly, “Don’t.” he managed.

“Why not? I can’t stand by and let some stupid tall guy make my best friend feel bad!”

“He doesn’t know. Keep it that way.” he mumbled.

He saw Hinata frowning deeply at him from the corner of his eye.

“What?”

“That doesn’t make it okay! How about I ask Yamaguchi if he can try to make him stop subtly?” he grinned.

He nodded slightly, “Okay.”

“C’mon best friend, we need to go to sleep.”

“I’ll just have another.” he shook his head. “I won’t get any sleep.”

Hinata hummed, “What if I sleep with you? I’ll keep the nightmares away!” he grinned pulling away from him.

“D-Dumbass! You can’t just…” his face was bright red, he could feel it.

“You were tired earlier, that’s why you left early, so you need to sleep!” he insisted.

He shook his head. “I don’t want to go back in there.” he muttered. He didn’t want the team to stare at him like some animal or something. He couldn’t deal with that right now, he needed to be alone.

Hinata frowned at him before grinning again. “I have an idea!”

He looked up at him questioningly.

“We can camp out here tonight! Or just in another room! I’m sure we can find enough blankets!” he grinned.

Kageyama blushed slightly, “Indoors is better.”

“Okay, c’mon then!” he grinned happily, tugging him to his feet gently and guiding him back through the building, letting go of him outside the room and holding a finger to his lips as he ducked in.

He stood there in silence for a few minutes before Hinata came back out with as many pillows and blankets as he could hold, he dropped them on the floor and went back in. Kageyama busied himself with tidying the pile so it would be easier to carry.

Hinata came back out with their futons, stumbling slightly and grinning at him. “Let’s go!” he whispered.

Kageyama couldn’t help a small laugh at the look of him as he picked up the pile and followed him through the hall.

Hinata opened a door and looked around. “This looks good.” he stated, going in and dropping the futons with a sigh, Kageyama put his pile down and set up the futons as Hinata looked around the room.

“C’mon dumbass let’s get to sleep.” he muttered, spreading the blankets over them before sitting on one.

Hinata jumped down next to him and smiled at him. “Not until I make you laugh!” he said, crossing his legs.

Kageyama rolled his eyes but turned to face him.

“Okay, so…” he frowned in thought before snickering, “You remember when we met at Karasuno?”

“You jumped in and yelled about how I shouldn’t be there?”

“Yeah! But you’d just tossed a ball for a jump serve and hit came down and hit you on the head!” he laughed loudly, “It was hilarious.”

He blushed slightly, “Dumbass.”

He frowned, “Awww, okay, okay, how about when Asahi rejoined and I got hit in the head with his spike?” he snickered.

‘I’m blind.’ rang in his head, followed by what happened shortly after. He felt himself pale.

“Ooookay, not that.” Hinata frowned, “What about the fact I always run into scary people when I’m trying to go to the bathroom?” he grinned.

Kageyama snickered slightly despite himself.

Hinata smirked, “There we go! I ran into you of course, and then I ran into turnip-head!”

“You talked to Kindaichi?” his blood felt like it froze in his veins.

“Yeah, he complained about your tosses, I didn’t get him, I mean they’re the best part of you!” he grinned. “But then…”

“Then?” he prompted, nudging him slightly.

“He said something about discarding things you don’t need.”

“Oh.” he looked at the floor again. He didn’t know why he was surprised Kindaichi had said something like that about him. He didn’t know why it still hurt, he should be over it by now.

Hinata waved his hands rapidly, “Remember how I screwed up so much?” he laughed, “I hit the ref!” he added.

“Dumbass.”

“Hey, c’mon I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset again…” he sighed.

“I know.” he sighed, shifting to lay down. “Just go to sleep.”

“No!” he shook his head, “Not when you’re upset, you’ll have another nightmare!”

“I’m fine dumbass. I know he doesn’t like me.” he muttered. “It’s late, go to sleep already.”

Hinata sighed deeply but laid down. “Kindaichi’s an idiot.” he muttered.

Kageyama laughed softly. “Thank you Hinata.”

\-----

“Aww look at them!”

“Shh you’ll wake them up Suga.”

“I can’t believe they went off on their own.”

“Should we give them the talk?”

“Daichi!”

Kageyama grumbled. He’d woken up several times throughout the night, only calming once he saw Hinata. He hadn’t slept very well and now people were talking and waking him up.

“Shh I have to take the pictures.”

He frowned slightly, confused at the statement. Pictures? Pictures of what? He pushed it to the back of his mind and curled more around his warm pillow, god he was cold.

“Aww!”

“We need to wake them up, Ukai will get mad soon.”

“Fine.”

There was a hand shaking his shoulder after a moment and he growled as he forced his eyes open. “What?!”

“Kageyama!” Suga huffed, “It’s time to get up. I’m sure you enjoyed your snuggling, but if you want food you need to get up.”

“Snuggling?” he was completely baffled before he looked down and blushed brightly. Apparently he’d pulled Hinata into his futon and he was the ‘pillow’ he was curled tightly around. Hinata’s chest was rising and falling against his own, a constant shifting pressure that had reassured him in his sleep he was sure. He slowly pulled away, trying not to wake him, but it was hopeless as Hinata’s eyes blinked open and he yawned, looking up at him and looking only slightly surprised.

“Hey Kageyama…” he mumbled, gripping onto his shirt and pressing his face against it. “Let me sleep more okay?”

He was speechless, blushing brightly and looking up at Suga, who appeared to have been snapping pictures of the whole thing. He secretly wanted them on his own phone because it felt nice. But he felt like he was taking advantage of Hinata’s kindness. “Hinata, it’s time to get up.” he insisted, shaking him slightly.

“But I’m comfyyyy I’m never comfy in the morning!” he whined into his chest, wrapping one arm around him in a hug.

He looked up at Suga helplessly.

Suga laughed softly, “Hinata, you’ll be late for volleyball.”

Hinata’s eyes snapped open and he looked up at the two, “Su-Suga-san! C-captian!” his face was rapidly matching his hair as he pushed himself away from Kageyama. “Bakeyama why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I told you to get up!” he objected, sitting up and stretching with a yawn.

“Okay fine.” he muttered, still red as he got to his feet and headed to the door.

Suga laughed as he left. “I see you managed to get some good sleep after last night.”

Kageyama flinched at the reminder.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to remind you about it.” Sugawara held his hand out to him.

Kageyama pulled himself to his feet with a nod. “It’s fine.”

He tilted his head at him, “Kageyama, I’m here if you need to talk. So is Daichi, and Asahi and Shimizu. All of us really.” he smiled at him.

He couldn’t help a slight laugh, catching on a memory. “People don’t believe me.” he replied.

Suga frowned, “I’d believe you.” he said firmly, and pushed Daichi out, “But for now, time for practice!” he chirped on his way out.

Kageyama headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

\----

Hinata was acting weird the rest of the day. It didn’t show on the court but he was more quiet than normal, and seemed to be keeping his distance from him.

He worried that he was regretting his declaration of best friend-ship. He hoped it was just because of how they’d woken up…

It made him feel even more awkward when he approached Suga to ask for some of the pictures he’d taken. He was blushing brightly and barely managed to stutter through it but his senpai had grinned widely and asked for his number. He heard his phone going off numerous times after that and he couldn’t stop blushing.

He did his best to put the nightmare out of his mind, but it was the beginning he was stuck on. When a toss was slightly off he barely held back a flinch, the tips of his fingers where shaking slightly which didn’t help make sure they were right. Tsukishima’s kings unsettled him, Hinata’s silence unnerved him, he was practically waiting for Oikawa to show up and for the team to gush over him.

He went to bed troubled, but Hinata was still next to him so maybe he was still his best friend at least?

\-----

He stared in confusion as Hinata stared at him, they were both silent. Kageyama didn’t even know where they were but he didn’t know what was up with Hinata and that was more important to him.

Hinata suddenly nodded, and turned and walked off, silently into the night.

Kageyama felt like he’d taken a part of him with him a hand raising to his chest and grabbing at his shirt. “H-Hinata?”

He turned slightly, looking back at him.

“Where are you going?”

He smiled suddenly “One day you’ll catch up.” he said firmly. “After the roof.”

He was completely baffled, “W-what? Catch up?”

Hinata nodded, “I’m sorry for leaving you.”

His breath caught in his throat, “L-leaving me?” he couldn’t loose Hinata, not again.

The smile dropped off his face, “We’ll get there one day?” he offered, seemingly less sure, and turned and continued walking.

“W-wait! Hinata! What does that mean?!” he stumbled after him, legs feeling weak. Hinata ignored him, seeming to move faster, or was Kageyama just moving slower? “Hinata!” he shouted, “What does that mean?”

Hinata lifted a hand in a slight wave, and then vanished.

He chased after where he’d last seen him. He said he’d catch up one day right? So he just had to chase after him. And then he’d get his answers.

Right?

After the roof?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEE?? SEE YAMS I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU THERE WERE DEATHLESS CHAPTERS. I TOLD YOU CHAPTER 5 HAD NO DEATH.
> 
> Technically.
> 
> Alternately titled: DEATHLESS CHAPTERS EXIST
> 
> Also I posted a fic about Kageyama's birthday Saturday! I hope you give it a look!
> 
> Also my current url is AkaKage.tumblr.com please scream at me for the pain I have caused you.
> 
> God I loved the bit about crowning the king. :) I hope you did too!


	6. In which everyone is happy and nothing is wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is as it seems, as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay look, I know I've put you through an angsty hell for the past five chapters. So here's a little bonus chapter to make up for all the pain! I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Thanks so much for 900 hits and I love all the comments, please keep them coming they keep me going!
> 
> @Yams this does not count for our thing.

Kageyama smiled at Hinata, who was going on about a game he’d played with Kenma, while swinging their linked hands in between them.

Hinata cut himself off mid-word, staring up at him with wide eyes for a moment before smiling widely at him. “You’re so pretty when you smile.”

The comment makes him flustered and Hinata laughs brightly because a flustered Kageyama is oh so cute.

“You know…” Kageyama starts, “I’m really glad you listened to me when I told you about…all the weird stuff that happened.”

“You looked so...scared for me, I don’t know how I could’ve not believed you. And it did save my life on multiple occasions. I’m glad you’re here with me.” Hinata squeezed his hand. “I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with seeing you die over and over.”

Kageyama looks up at the clear sky. “I’m glad I confessed to you that day on the rooftop.”

\-----

“Hey Tobio?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever think about getting a pet?”

Tobio looked up in surprise from where he was unpacking another box of things in their first apartment. “A pet?”

Shouyou nodded from where he was putting away clothes. “Yeah, a dog or a cat probably.”

“I…” he would love to find an animal that liked him if he was honest. “Which would you prefer?”

“Uh-uh! Which would _you_ prefer?” Shouyou turns to look at him. “I picked between the two apartments, you pick the pet.”

“...a cat I think.” He said after several minutes of unpacking.

Shouyou nods in agreement. “We’ll go find one after we’re all put away.”

\-----

It takes six different shelters but they finally find a cat that doesn’t hiss at Tobio at first glance. It gets right up against the bars trying to rub against him and Shouyou watches Tobio’s face as he goes still in shock and hesitantly reaches out and he knows that this is the one.

It’s a bit scraggly with a torn ear from a fight, but its a real fluff ball of a cat, and when they get it home it climbs up and settles in Tobio’s arms and Shouyou has never been prouder of an idea he’s had.

Tobio is happier in general than he’s ever been.

The cat is a bit more trouble than he’d given it credit for, always taking up his time. But it makes Tobio happy so it makes him happy.

\-----

“Shouyou…”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking...we should take a break.”

“Wh-what why? Why should we take a break?!”

“This-it just isn’t working. We’re both stressed and we keep arguing, more than normal.”

“Tobio! We can’-do you not care about me?”

“Of course I care! That’s why we need to take a break!”

“How can you pretend to care about me and tell me you want to take a break?!”

“Shouyou, I have no idea how in the world you got yourself trapped in this dog cage, but I think we need someone that can work with metal to get you out.”

\-----

“TOBIO! TOBIO TOBIO TOBIO!!!” Shouyou screamed, careening into the apartment on a frantic search for his boyfriend. “TOBIO!” He demanded louder.

The first response he gets is the cat, Apollo, running past his legs and jumping up on the back of the couch, staring at him.

“TOBIO!”

He finally gets a response from him, stumbling out of their bedroom with adorable bedhead and looking completely annoyed. “Dumbass its six in the morning stop screaming.”

Shouyou just grins at him and holds out a slightly crumpled paper.

Tobio frowns at him, grabbing it and skimming it before freezing, hand halfway to straightening his hair. “I’m still asleep…”

“Nope!”

“You made this yourself.”

“Still nope!”

“Both of us?” He asks softer.

Shouyou smiles softly and nods. “Yep. Both of us.”

\-----

Shouyou can’t stand still at their fitting, he wants to get in it and jump around already and it takes far too many glares from his boyfriend for him to finally stand still long enough for them to finish.

“C’mon Tobio, you can’t tell me you’re not excited.”

“They’ll be done with mine before yours since you wouldn’t stop moving.” He smirked.

“Wha-NO WAY!” Shouyou pouts, crossing his arms.

Tobio is right of course, they bring his back first and he has no shame as he instantly starts changing into it, as eager as Shouyou is to be in it.

“So…?” He asked hesitantly, turning back to him.

“UwaaaaHHHH! No fair! All the girls are gonna be all over you!” Shouyou pouted, looking over his boyfriend in the national jersey.

Before Tobio can respond they’re back with Shouyou’s and he falls over in his eagerness to get changed and when he’s finally back on his feet tears are gathering in his eyes because he can’t believe they’re both on the national team.

Tobio is smiling at him with that soft look he gets when Shouyou does something cute or when Shouyou gets the final point of a game or when he sees Apollo.

\-----

“Shouyou…”

“Yeah?” He’s bouncing in eagerness because they’re about to find out the final qualifying team for the olympics.

Tobio waits for the next point to be scored before scooting closer. “Would you marry me?”

Shouyou’s eyes are still glued to the TV, “Of course I would you big dork.” It’s not the first time it’s been brought up by one of them.

“Just checking…” he waits and one of the teams calls a timeout, before bodily turning Shouyou towards him and holding up a ring. “So, you will marry me?”

They miss the end of the game because they’re on the floor with Shouyou crying and kissing his face a lot, while Apollo circles them.

\-----

“You may now kiss your husband.” Not like they hadn’t already kissed a bunch but Tobio happily leaned down to kiss him as there was cheering and clapping in the background.

Neither of them have ever been happier.

\-----

Then again, Tobio thinks, he might be happier, here now with Shouyou clinging to him screaming ‘we won!’ As the crowds scream because they just won olympic gold and it might not top his wedding but it’s pretty damn close.

——-

“Hey Tobio.” Shouyou called to get his attention.

“Mmm?” He responded, turning to him.

“Did you know, it’s April fools?” At the last two words his face morphed, eyes turning into black pits and jaw elongating as he seemed to be bleeding from everywhere all at once.

Kageyama shrieked, sitting up and panting in the dark bedroom.

“Tobio? ‘s something the matter?” Came the sleep heavy voice of his lover.

“It’s nothing.” He muttered, holding a hand to his chest like it would help calm his racing heart.

“Tobio.” The voice was more firm. “Tell me.”

“I had a nightmare…I dated Hinata in high school and we ended up in the olympics together and won and we were married and then at the end he turned into some horrifying monster…” he said haltingly.

“Oh Tobio, you don’t have to worry about any of that. I’m here.” He took him in his arms and hummed slightly. “Are you saying you don’t want to win the olympics with Hinata?”

“Of course I do!” He replied hotly, “It’s all the rest that…”

“I know, I know, I was teasing.” He laughed, kissing him on the cheek.

“And now…”

“Now?”

“Now I can’t help but wonder, what if I liked Hinata? What if I do like Hinata? What do-” he was cut off but a small kiss.

“You were probably wondering those things in the back of your mind, and that’s why you had it. Don’t worry about all the what ifs. If you believe in multiple universes, maybe in one all that did happen, except for the monster. You’re not being unfaithful by having a dream like that, if it was a wet dream however…” he trailed off then laughed softly, “Either way, you married me, not him silly. I love you.”

“I love you too Keji.” Tobio replied, leaning into the hug.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> APRIL FOOLS! Yeah, not a single bit of this is canonical. Sorry for leading you on with the early comment about the rooftop hehe.
> 
> Technically you got a bonus fluffy chapter! It's just...not canonical... 
> 
> I'M SORRY BUT I'M NOT SORRY I COULD NOT RESIST MYSELF. One of my favorite authors does these amazing long chapters on April fools day and they start out logical and then get crazier and crazier and there's always the "I wonder when the readers will realize it's april fools" line and I just so badly wanted to do it myself.
> 
> Also Kags was originally gonna just wake up and cry but I wanted to shove my new rare pair in and well, this is technically a happy end then. If you don't like it don't worry, it won't appear in this again.
> 
> Real chapter to come on monday, and I'll also re-arrange this to be chapter 5 because I like the flow from the previous chapter to the next one too much to break it up.


	7. The outside matches the inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama does something right, and Hinata is perfectly fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so, so, /so/, sorry this is so late! I had real life issues Monday and then computer issues yesterday. But it's finally all ready for you guys. You didn't seem to like my bonus chapter though D: 
> 
> Thanks so much for 1K hits! This is an 11K chapter so get comfortable. 
> 
> This chapter makes me cry every time for some reason. Usually I can pinpoint the line that wreaks me emotionally, but not with this.

Kageyama wiped off his face, they’d won the practice match, it’d only been two sets too, Hinata was jumping around the team relaying his favorite points each of them had scored, and Kageyama was taking a breather before he joined the team.

“That number 10 is annoying.”

“So annoying, and loud.”

“He’s inhuman, jumping around as much as he did.”

His hands tightened into fists as he listened to the other team.

“Hey, if he’s inhuman he shouldn’t be allowed to play right?”

A scoff, “Like we can change that.”

“We can! Just gotta take out his legs.”

His blood ran cold and he was sure he paled. There was no way he was hearing that right, right? They weren’t actually planning to hurt Hinata, he’d just misheard.

“Let’s see him jump like that after both his legs have been broken.” there were snickers and high fives and pats on the back. He left it, to join his team and paused. He couldn’t just tell them the other team was going to hurt Hinata, they wouldn’t believe him. He wouldn’t believe him, it sounded ridiculous.

What could he do then? He couldn’t just let them beat up Hinata.

“Kageyama, is something wrong?” Sugawara asked, snapping him out of his line of thought.

“N-nothing! Just thinking.” he replied quickly.

“Kageyama, Kageyama! You were so cool when you did that toss like woosh! But like it also zammed! It was so cool!” Hinata was jumping, still not out of energy.

“Thanks Hinata.” he replied hesitantly, his mind back on what to do. He didn’t have many options.

“You okay there Bakeyama?” Hinata frowned at him, noticing something was up with him.

“Ah, just thinking about how we can improve.”

Hinata laughed, “Enjoy the victory for a little while before you start worrying about that!” he objected, jumping up and pulling him down by his neck to give him a noogie.

Kageyama pushed him away, “Go help Sugawara-san.” he muttered.

Hinata blinked at him, “Help with what?”

“I’m sure he needs help from someone with limitless energy.” he was acting weird, he wondered if Hinata would let him get away with it.

“Okay…” Hinata frowned at him but ran off to help Suga with...something.

Kageyama looked at the other team, they were heading out of the gym, but he didn’t miss several of them staring after Hinata as they did. He went out after them, watching as a small group split off from the rest, heading in the direction of his team. “Hey!” he shouted.

There were only five of them, and they turned to stare at him.

“Where are you going?” he asked, trying to stand taller and look more intimidating.

“Where’s that short number 10?” one of them shot back.

“Who wants to know?”

One of them opened their mouth but was cut off by another, “Don’t you just hate him? I mean he’s so loud and jumps everywhere, I don’t know how he manages to hit any balls.” he scoffed.

“Oh, that’s simple, I send them wherever he jumps.” he shrugged slightly, “He just does whatever he wants.” that wasn’t true, Hinata thought a lot about where he could go to get past the block, where they wouldn’t expect him.

“Oh, so it’s only thanks to you he’s any good?” one of them stepped forward, the only blond cracking his knuckles.

“Obviously, or were you all too stupid to notice?” he replied, shaking his head slightly. He just had to rile them up so they forgot about Hinata. He just had to act like he did in middle school, it would be simple. “They’re all idiots, they only score because of me. I’m the setter after all, they can’t do anything without me.” he scoffed.

He hoped none of his team was close enough to hear any of this, but he didn’t regret it if he got them to leave Hinata alone.

“Look at this cocky little brat!” the tallest called out, and he was glad to notice he had all of their eyes on him.

“I’m taller than most of your team.” he replied. “Did you really think you stood a chance against me?” he added, rolling his eyes with another scoff.

“God how does his team put up with this brat?”

“Forget the short guy, this guy’s the real problem.”

Kageyama shifted slightly, “Problem?” he asked.

“We’ll fix it.” the blond replied with a smirk, and all five started advancing on him.

“I bet you’re as slow as you are dumb.” he replied, before he spun and took off running. He heard several pairs of footsteps rushing after him, and he could only hope he’d distracted all five. Now if he could lose them… he knew he was at a disadvantage, he was probably faster, but they knew this school.

And probably knew about the tiny curb he just tripped over. He went sprawling in the dirt, throwing up a huge dust cloud, and laid there stunned for a moment before he remembered he was being chased and rolled to his feet, glancing at the group and rushing off in the opposite direction.

His leg was killing him, stinging and burning fiercely. He wasn’t sure how long he would be able to ignore the pain, it spiked every time he landed on the foot. He could try to circle and get back inside the building and to his team. He would swallow his pride to admit he’d tripped and hopefully they’d be on their way before anything else could happen.

That was the plan at least, but his leg suddenly gave out on him, sending him to the concrete this time. It was burning and pulsing with pain and he looked over at it and winced. The outside of his left leg was scratched to bleeding from the ankle to the knee. It was bleeding harder in some places but it was hard to tell since he’d been running. He heard the running footsteps just before the group rounded the corner and smirked seeming him on the ground. He struggled back to his feet and tried to run off again, but his leg nearly gave up on him. He couldn’t run anymore so he turned to face them with a defiant scowl.

“Aww, pretty setter can’t run anymore? You’re not the first to take a bad fall at that step.” they were quickly surrounding him and he glanced between them, trying to figure out who would strike first.

He was not prepared for the rock that flew at his head, he jerked as it hit him, thankfully not his eyes, but at the same moment one of them moved in and kicked his wounded leg.

He went down, holding back a cry of pain, glaring up at them, though he quickly gave in to the urge to protect his face. He focused on the pain in his leg to ignore the kicks being aimed at him, his leg would put him out of commission for a week or something. He imagined this happening to Hinata as he refused to give them the satisfaction of any noises.

He heard another pair of feet before he heard the yelling. “Bakeyama where did you go!”

He screwed up his eyes tighter, like he could pretend Hinata wouldn’t find him now. But the blows stopped and he used the pause to struggle to his feet.

“Bakeyam-” his voice cut off the moment he spotted him. “Tobio!” he heard him rushing over, he didn’t know what to do. If he stayed they’d just beat him up too. He had to get him to leave.

But how?

“Kageyama!” he was surprised they moved out of Hinata’s way, he pulled his hands away from his face, peering up at him. “What the hell?!” he demanded.

He took a deep breath, willing all of his disdain to show on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Looking for you dumbass!” he shook him slightly, “What the hell is going on here?” he looked up at the five, looking ready to fight them on his behalf.

He held back a wince at what was going to come out of his mouth and prayed for Hinata to forgive him. “I don’t want help from some shirmpy useless spazz.” he snarled.

Hinata twisted back to face him, eyes wide in shock and hurt. “W-what?”

“You heard me.” he growled, “Get the hell out of here you useless gnome!” oh god he was never going to forgive him was he?

“Kageyama what the hell is wrong with you? Did they hit you in the head?” he couldn’t believe this dumbass was still trying to think the best of him. It felt good and he had to hold back a smile.

“You could join in if you want, after all he told us you were all useless, I’m sure he doesn’t say it to your faces but it’s what he thinks. We were just scarring him on your behalf.”

Hinata froze, looking between him and the one that had spoken. “K-Kageyama?” his voice cracked brokenly.

He paused for a moment before he glared harshly, “It’s true, you’re all nothing without my tosses. Especially you.” he snapped.

He stood up, staring at him like he was a stranger.

But he didn’t leave, like he was waiting for him to take it all back. This dumbass was making this harder than it had to be. “They’re mad because I beat them, because I showed them how weak they are, just like I showed you how weak you are.” he emphasized the ‘I’s. He just wanted Hinata to finally leave. “Karasuno would be nothing without me, they should be thanking me for even coming to their school!”

Hinata backed away slowly, “I guess Tsukishima was right all along, King.” he could feel the acid dripping from the word, “I won’t bow to your rule anymore. Find a new subject.” he turned on his heel and left. “Long live the king.”

He knew he couldn’t be mad at Hinata, he was just hurting him back like he’d hurt him. He couldn’t help but feel hurt Hinata had even believed it, maybe he’d truly thought that all along, maybe he was always waiting for him to regress into a king. His parting words dug into his skull, reminding him of a half forgotten nightmare.

“Oh this is just as good as if we’d beaten him up, he’s going to tell the team all about their king, and they’ll never trust him again. Karasuno will fall again.”

He glared up at the bullies, “Karasuno won’t fall.”

“We’ll see about that, king.”

He wasn’t prepared for the punch to the back of his head, and could only lay there in a daze moments later as they moved back in on him.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed while he got beat up, he’d zoned out due to the pain.

Kageyama didn’t forget when it ended though.

He’d realized he wasn’t getting hit anymore and looked up, they were still there, but they were just staring at him. “What?” he snarled.

“You right or left handed?”

Kageyama frowned in confusion, what was this about. “Right…” he said slowly. He was sure they knew this, he’d used his jump serve after all. Were they actually just that dumb?

“You’re in luck, you didn’t lie.” they moved in again and he tried to scoot away but he was still dazed and confused and in pain.

He was still confused when two of them grabbed his left arm.

They finally got a scream out of him as they broke it. He dimly remembered the talk of breaking Hinata’s legs, but he couldn’t really think through the pain, couldn’t really see through the tears in his eyes, couldn’t hear over his heartbeat in his ears. But he didn’t feel anyone grab his other arm, and he cradled his left arm to his chest with a whimper.

What was he going to do now? He didn’t want to move, didn’t know if he could right now. What would Ukai say? God he got himself out of volleyball for at least a month. Why? Why did this have to happen?

He pushed back all those thoughts, trying to focus enough to ignore the pain and at least look at his arm. He couldn’t even feel all his bruises or his leg anymore, all he could feel was the pain in his arm.

“Kageyama?” What the hell? He had to be hearing things, Hinata wasn’t possibly out looking for him. Not after what happened last time.

Maybe Sugawara sent him since it was probably time to leave and nobody knew where he was.

“KAGEYAMA!” he couldn’t lift his head to look at Hinata as he heard him run over. “Oh my god Kageyama. Kageyama I’m so sorry. Oh my god.” he was practically hyperventilating.

He looked up at him, “Why are you sorry?” he spat out angrily.

“I just left you here!” he sounded distraught but he still couldn’t really see through his tears.

“Why did you even come back?”

“I-I thought I heard you scream and I saw them leaving and I…” his hands were hovering over him. “Kageyama is something wrong with your arm? What happened? Please talk to me.”

Oh, that meant the bone wasn’t poking out, that was good. He thought it was at least. “You try talking with a broken arm.” he muttered, biting down on his lip as he accidentally moved his arm.

“Broken? Oh my god Kageyama this is all my fault…”

“It’s not.” he snapped.

“I’m telling you he ran over here!” he wasn’t sure if that voice was friend or foe.

“Why would he be back here?”

“I don’t know, but I swear that shrimp ran back her-See!” oh no.

“Run Hinata!” he snapped.

“W-wha?” he could make out him looking back and forward.

“I said run! They can’t do much else to me.” he muttered.

He felt Hinata get up, though he hesitated in leaving.

“Leave! Or this was all pointless!” he snapped. Shit, he didn’t mean to say that.

“W-what?” Hinata’s voice broke, but he moved slightly away from him. “I-I’ll be back, with help!” he heard him run off.

“Tch, we can’t catch up to that.”

“It’s the king’s fault, he sent his subject off. Maybe we weren’t done with him.”

He couldn’t even muster up any energy to say anything, hissing through his teeth at the pain. He practically bit through his tongue when he was hauled to his feet.

“Yeah, we aren’t done.” he could make out a smirk on whoever was holding him against the wall.

Kageyama didn’t know what he was going to do, what they would do now, he could only hold his arm weakly and tense.

“Get the hell away from my kouhai.” that sounded like Daichi.

“Shit, it’s the gang member.” that must mean Asahi, if Ukai was here he’d be yelling he was sure.

“Pathetic, five on one? You must be as weak off the court as you were on it.” TSUKISHIMA? he couldn’t believe his ears. Maybe the pain was making him hallucinate.

“Didn’t you hear our captain? Get the hell away from my kouhai.” that was Tanaka, he wondered if he was even wearing a shirt.

“Get away from our precious setter!” was that Hinata? No way, he wouldn’t think that after earlier…

“C’mon, let’s get out of here.” he was dropped, not expecting it he fell to the ground again, and screamed at the jostling of his arm.

“Kageyama!” Hinata’s voice was right next to him quickly. “Are you okay? I mean you’re not but-”

“Give him some space Hinata.” Daichi’s voice cut across.

“Kageyama…” there was Asahi’s voice, “Can you stand?”

He shrugged slightly, then winced, but was unwilling to let go of his arm and unable to get up without the leverage.

“Let’s get you up.” Tsukishima’s hand was at his right elbow, gripping and pulling him up slowly.

He was somewhat aware of Asahi standing next to him with his arms open ready to catch him if he fell.

It felt like he was in a dream, except a dream would never be so painful.

“Kageyama!” Hinata wormed his way against his right side, and he hissed as he tried to get him to lean on him.

“Hang on a moment Hinata.” Asahi said, pulling his arms from Kageyama. There was a ripping noise and Asahi was slinging something over his head and then under his arm, tying off a makeshift sling. “Okay.” he smiled at Hinata, who quickly dragged Kageyama’s arm over his shoulders.

And it was this group that rounded the building slowly, and Kageyama got a glimpse of a pissed of Ukai, screaming at another adult, before he was ushered off towards the bus and pushed up into it. The rest of the team was already there, half sitting and half looking out the windows. Noya jumped up at the sight of Kageyama, “Kageyama! Are you okay?! Except the obvious of course!”

He nodded slightly, letting Hinata guide him to a seat near the front. He couldn’t find the energy to respond to Yamaguchi’s worried questions and they eventually tapered off.

Noya looked ready to kill someone as he looked over the back of the seat in front of him. “How dare they! Ukai’s gonna get them good for this! We have enough witnesses!”

The other second years were in the back of the bus, trying to stay out of the way but he’d seen their worried faces before he’d sat down, he could hear them whispering plots of revenge, which he knew because Ennoshita would regularly remind them they’d go to jail if they did that.

Sugawara sounded like he was just behind him, and he was talking to Hinata, asking him what he knew of what had happened and how bad Kageyama was. He tuned it out after a few minutes, laying his head back and closing his eyes, just a minute. He just needed a minute to rest.

\-----

His eyes snapped open as the bus stopped and he sat up then winced at the pain that shot through his arm, reaching over to hold it lightly.

“Kageyama! Good timing.” Hinata smiled at him, looking at him with red puffy eyes, “We just got to the hospital.”

“H-” he coughed slightly, “Hospital?”

“Of course! You have a broken arm!” Sugawara piped up from behind him, his voice sounded strange. Probably mad at him for causing issues for the team.

It wasn’t long before he was off the bus and answering the same ten questions from half a dozen different doctors and nurses, his arm was xrayed and his leg looked at and then he was finally left in piece in a room. It was blindingly white and it hurt his eyes, so he rolled onto his side and closed them, trying to go back to sleep. The pain didn’t bother him while he was asleep…

\----

“...purpose?”

“..told me...Sug...left.”

“What the hell?”

“...think...my..ult…”

The voices were annoying and waking him up but that sounded like Hinata blaming himself so he clawed his way back to consciousness, opening his eyes and glaring at Hinata once he spotted him.

“He’s awake!” Yamaguchi cried from somewhere near his head and all heads turned to him. He stopped and looked around, somehow they’d managed to fit their entire team in the room. Yamaguchi was by his left side and the second years were huddled near the door. Sugawara and Daichi had been standing at the foot of his bed though they moved around to the side at Yamaguchi’s call. Tsukishima was standing behind Hinata on his right side.

“Kageyama!” at least half the room exclaimed and he could only stare blankly at them. Why were they all still here?

“I’ll get a doctor!” Noya called as he dashed out of the room, door swinging shut behind him.

“Do you need anything Kageyama? Hinata asked, bouncing lightly in place next to his bed.

“Water?” Yamaguchi offered from his other side.

He shook his head slightly, lifting himself into a sitting position with his right arm, the entire team was staring at him and he didn’t know what he was supposed to say or do. “How long was I asleep?” his voice was rough and he probably should’ve took that offer of water.

“Just a couple hours.” Daichi replied, and Hinata ran around the bed to be on the same side as everyone else.

“Ukai called your parents but they’re apparently not here yet.” Hinata sounded personally offended at it.

He nodded slightly, he didn’t want to waste the breath to tell them his dad wouldn’t be able to come back unless he was dying and his mother was too far away, if she could even leave.

“Water sounding better now?” Sugawara teased, reaching behind Yamaguchi and grabbing a glass from the table behind him, holding it out to him.

It was almost creepy how he knew but he stayed silent and just took several sips before handing it back.

Noya appeared at the door with a doctor shortly after.

“We already told your parents the full details…” he was somewhat surprised he’d managed to get his mother on the phone, “The main issue is of course the arm, you’ll be in a cast for a month and a half. We can do that now that you’re awake, and you’ll be free to leave once we make sure it’s right. You’ll have to go to your normal doctor a couple times, or if any issues arise with it.” he flipped pages on his clipboard, “The rest is stuff for your parents. Your arm could’ve been a lot worse, it was a clean break. I’ll be back shortly to work on the cast.” he headed back out of the door.

He scowled, six weeks without volleyball. Six weeks, it was going to be the slowest six weeks of his life.

“It could’ve been worse.” Yamaguchi piped up, “It could’ve required surgery.”

He sighed, resting his head back, “I know. Still sucks.”

Daichi shifted slightly, “We should probably head back to Karasuno…” he stated, which made several people shuffle towards the door.

“Where is Ukai?” Kageyama frowned slightly. He didn’t even know if his mom was on her way, he didn’t really fancy sitting alone in this room for hours on end without even knowing.

“He was outside on the phone last I saw.” Ennoshita replied, “I can go check on him?” he offered.

He nodded slightly, “Where’s my phone?” he asked as Ennoshita walked out the door.

“Here’s your bag.” Tsukishima picked it out of the chair behind him, setting it on the bed. “It’s gone off a bit.”

He nodded, digging through it until his fingers brushed against his phone and he pulled it out, hoping there’d be a message explaining what was supposed to happen. The texts from his mom were confusing, a mix of asking if he was okay and if he was in much pain, and telling him to call his dad if he was confused. The texts from his dad filled in gaps, his mother called him and told him what Ukai had told her, he should call him when he was out of the hospital, and his mother couldn’t get out of the meeting, so it wouldn’t be for several more hours until she could even head down to pick him up, so he was stuck at the hospital.

It was exactly what he’d expected and he sighed and dropped the phone back into the bag

“Kageyama?” Hinata was frowning at him, half the team was already out the door but Hinata was still hovering by his bed. “Something wrong?”

He had two options, he could explain that he would be stranded at the hospital until sometime after midnight, or he could lie and say his mom was on the way. Which was only a half lie, since she would be on her way as soon as she could.

“Something is wrong!” Hinata huffed, “Tell me!” he demanded, “No lying!”

“Northing’s wrong.” he snapped, “Just...inconvenient.” he muttered.

“Kageyama?” Sugawara had been in the doorway but he moved closer now, looking down at him and silently daring him to lie. “Problem getting home?” he prompted.

Kageyama sighed, “My mom’s four hours north.” he replied.

“We could hang around for another couple hours to keep you company.” he replied, “I’m sure Ukai wouldn’t mind.”

He shook his head slightly, “As expected, she can’t leave until ten.” it was hard to admit, he didn’t want them to think poorly of his parents.

He could see Hinata freeze in place as Sugawara frowned deeply, “And your dad?”

“Overseas.” that was easy to tell. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do for another seven hours while he waited for her. He couldn’t possibly sleep all that time away and there wasn’t much in his bag to amuse him, his phone would die before too long. “As I said, inconvenient.” He shrugged with his good arm, and didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t expect the entire team to wait around for him with the bus, they had to get home and do homework and such.

Hinata huffed slightly, “What the-”

Sugawara put a hand over his mouth and dragged him towards the door, “We’ll be right back.” he said with a smile, grabbing Daichi’s arm on his way through the door.

He sighed, hopefully they wouldn’t do something stupid like wait around for him. He looked through his bag, but like expected, there wasn’t much to entertain him with, it was mostly just volleyball things.

It was Ukai who entered the room a bit later, sighing and rubbing the back of his head. “Hey Kageyama.”

“Coach.” he greeted.

“You see, what’s going to happen, is that we’re going to hang around until you get your cast, and then take you back to Karasuno.” he stated, rolling his shoulders.

“But coach…” he didn’t know what he had been going to say. “...thank you.” he said at length.

“It’s fine, honestly I’m glad Hinata noticed something was up. We all would’ve felt bad leaving you here alone for seven hours.” he ran a hand through his hair. “Anyway I just wanted to tell you that before the doctor came back, I have to go back to making calls.” he paused as he turned to go through the door. “You’ll need to explain later as well.”

He flinched slightly, he didn’t know what he was going to say. They would think he was stupid for what he did, of course they probably already thought he was stupid.

Hinata was pushing past Ukai to get back in the room, bouncing at his side. “Kageyama! We’re staying! And we can all sign your cast too!” he laughed.

“Dumbass, I would’ve been fine.” he muttered.

“Probably, but I didn’t want to leave you here alone for that long.”

He realized he should probably tell his dad about the change in plans, but it could probably wait until he could make the call on the bus.

“Hopefully the doctor will show up soon though. Then we cam get on the bus and you can come over to my house for a sleepover!”

“S-sleepover?”

Hinata froze like a deer caught in the headlights, “I-I well I was going to ask you on the way to Karasuno, I just figure since it’d be so late when your mom got in, you could just come home with me! I wouldn’t want you to be all home alone with a broken arm!” he said quickly, blushing slightly.

Kageyama frowned at the sheets, he didn’t really want to go home to an empty house either, and maybe he could convince his mom to stay up there until she was actually done, not just for the day. He knew she’d have to go back up early in the morning after coming down and then he’d be putting her through eight hours of car rides. “Okay.”

“H-huh? Really?” Hinata gasped, “Oh it’s gonna be so much fun! And you’ll get to meet my little sister!”

He froze at the mention of a sister. She was young, he remembered that much. What would Hinata think when he scared away her little sister? Would he kick him out of his house?

“...and we can play games and stay up late and it’ll be great!”

“Not too late Hinata.” Sugawara had entered at some point, and he ruffled Hinata’s hair. “Kageyama needs rest, not exhaustion.” he turned to Kageyama, “The team won’t bother you with questions, at least as long as Daichi or I are in hearing distance.” he grinned at him. “Everyone’s worried about you, even Tsukishima, you can tell because he was one of the first ones to suggest we stay as long as we already did.” he laughed, “Don’t let him know I told you though, Yamaguchi ‘covered’ for him.” he included air quotes.

“Ah...okay Sugawara-san.” he wasn’t sure how to respond. He felt he owed the team an explanation, he was holding them back hours already from getting home. But he still didn’t know what he would tell them, he couldn’t tell them the truth. Wait Tsukishima was worried about him? His shock must’ve shown on his face because both of them burst out laughing.

“Yeah he was protective of your stuff too, not letting anyone look at your phone even though it went off a whole bunch! And Yamaguchi didn’t want to leave your side he was so worried! And of course I didn’t either but he took the side with the chair and I couldn’t tell him to get up so I just went to the other side! And I heard the second years….well…” he blushed slightly, “I don’t think I’m allowed to repeat it. But Asahi-san was great! He glared at anyone that got too loud on the bus, and then again while we were in here. He’s really scary when he glares like that, I see why the other teams say what they say. And of course Suga-san and Daichi did like, all of that and more, because they’re the best captains!” Hinata seemed to have barely breathed through that, judging by his panting now. “And you slept a lot and I was worried but they told me it was probably because of the pain because broken arms hurt a lot! And I was still worried but I figured they were right.”

Kageyama was blushing, he didn’t know how to respond to all of this. The team was worrying this much about him? But he was fine, his arm was broken but that would heal. He had been more worried about Hinata after he said what he did but he appeared to have forgiven him already. They’d have to talk about that tonight. He might tell Hinata the truth, he deserved it for bringing the scariest members of their team back to him.

Luckily for him the doctor came back then to do his cast, and everyone was kicked out of the room again.

\----

“There he is, Kageyama!” Hinata waved wildly from the waiting room, jumping up along with the rest of the team that was camped out there. They all stretched and started walking around a bit as he walked over, mindful of his arm.

“Okay, if anyone has to go to the bathroom do it now, we’ll be heading out soon.” Ukai huffed, rolling his head from side to side.

“I have to make a call.” Kageyama said, as Hinata ran over. He pouted but nodded and let him go outside alone, though he was sure he was still watching him through the windows as he pulled out his phone to call his dad. He explained the situation and his dad promised to pass it on, though his mother would probably still call him herself once she was free.

\----

He looked up at Hinata’s house as his mother got out of the car. At some point Hinata had called her and told her he’d need to be picked up, apparently he didn’t want Kageyama walking the 30 minute bike ride to his house. His little sister was standing in the doorway, waving at the car as Hinata got out. He opened his door and got out, wincing as he hit his arm.

“Shou-nii, whose that?” Natsu asked, tugging at his shirt.

“That’s Kageyama-kun.” he replied, turning to face him.

She frowned deeply before smiling, “The cool set-ter!” she exclaimed, “Right?”

“That’s right Natsu-chan! You should say hello.”

She bounded over to him, reminding him strongly of Hinata, “I’m Natsu!” she held her arm out.

“Tobio.” he offered, carefully taking her hand and shaking it.

“You’re taller than nii-san!” she laughed slightly, bouncing slightly as she tugged him towards the door. “Mom said he was having a friend over for the night, what happened to your arm?” she asked, “Can I sign it? Please? Pretty please?” she added, pouting up at him.

“Natsu!” Hinata admonished, “You shouldn’t just ask people about stuff like that!”

Kageyama looked down at his arm, there wasn’t much room after everyone had signed it, while on a moving bus which caused the marker to go a bit wild at times. “You can sign it if you can find a place.” he didn’t know what he’d do if she covered one of the other’s signatures. He still couldn’t believe Tsukishima had sunk over, but he’d done it on the backside of his elbow, where he couldn’t see. He told him he’d have to wait until he got it off to see it; but he was sure he could convince Hinata to take a picture and show him.

Natsu lit up, “See nii-san he’s not mad!” she huffed.

“After dinner Natsu.” her mom spoke up, “I’m sure both of them are very hungry, they’ve had a long day.”

“That gives me time to figure out what to put!” she grinned.

Kageyama was still in mild shock, she hadn’t run away crying at the sight of him. What was different about this child than every other one he’d ran into?

“Kageyama-kun! Stop frowning!” Hinata huffed, poking him in the chest, “You’ll scare Natsu!” he added.

“Du-” he stopped with a glance at his mother, “Idiot.” he muttered.

Hinata laughed at him, tugging him into the kitchen that doubled as a dining room. “Sit down, I’m sure you’ll love my mom’s cooking!”

Kageyama felt uncomfortable, but he sat down carefully, trying to keep his expressions neutral to not scare off Natsu, who appeared to like him so far.

His mom had asked about his arm and he was going to say it was an accident but Hinata burst out next to him, and she nearly snapped her chopsticks. He ducked his head and shoveled food in his mouth to hopefully prevent her from asking more questions. Then she said she was going to call the school and he nearly choked, trying to swallow so he could tell her not to but Hinata piped up telling her about how Ukai was way ahead of her, the idiot even grinned when he reminded her that they had five witnesses who could identify them.

All in all, it was nothing like what he’d expected, though he was able to escape the awkward (at least to him) conversation by finishing quickly and being excused to go lay down after thanking her profusely, it was great cooking.

Hinata followed up after him before too long, he’d carefully laid down on his bed, not knowing where the futon was.

“Kageyama-kun? You asleep?”

“No.” he muttered, sitting up.

“She’s just worried about you.” he frowned slightly, “You don’t have to run off.”

He flushed, “Was it that obvious?”

He nodded slightly, “She was afraid she’d offended you somehow, I assured her you were just uncomfortable around new people, don’t worry.” he smiled, going over and sitting next to him. “She didn’t upset you did she?” he asked, looking up at him worriedly.

“No, just…” he didn’t know why she cared to be honest. He was just some kid from Hinata’s club, that would probably scare her daughter before he left.

“Good!” Hinata grinned, nudging him in the side, before he frowned and turned to sit cross-legged, looking at him. “But you have to explain what happened.”

He flinched slightly, he knew this was coming he just figured he’d get to be the one to bring it up. He shifted so he could lean against the wall, and Hinata followed him back, eyes trained on him as he waited for him to say something.

“Once you found me I knew I’d have to tell you at least, but I don’t want to tell the others.” he said, looking down at the cast, keeping an eye on Hinata out of the corner of his eye.

Hinata frowned, “Why not? I doubt it was your fault and even if it was it was five on one and you didn’t hurt a single one of them. The team’s worried about you.”

He sighed, “Because you’re all going to think I’m an idiot.”

“But you are an idiot.” Hinata shot back with a teasing grin that quickly fell off his face, “Nobody’s going to think you’re an idiot.”

“You don’t know that.” he muttered.

“C’mon, just tell me already, you said you would so stop putting it off because at this point I’m thinking you were in a gang or something.” Hinata huffed, poking him. “So just spit it out.”

“I wasn’t in a gang!” he objected, head raising to glare at him.

“I know, you wouldn’t have time for something like that with all the volleyball you do.” Hinata laughed slightly.

He sighed, looking down at the bed. “After we won…” he started, “I...heard them saying things.”

“Things? What kind of things?” Hinata frowned, “It couldn’t be the usual stuff about Karasuno.”

“It was about you.” he replied, fiddling with the sheets in his good hand.

“Huh? What about me?”

He paused, he could tell the truth, or he could tell him they were just insulting him, and he’d taken offense and-but that wouldn’t make sense with what he said to Hinata. He sighed, “That you were annoying and stuff…” god it sounded stupid to him.

“And?” Hinata frowned, knowing that couldn’t be it.

“And...that they were going to….” he couldn’t even voice it.

“Beat me up?” Hinata ventured with a frown.

He nodded slightly, “And break your legs so you couldn’t jump anymore.” he saw him stare down at his legs, “And I got worried and angry and I couldn’t let them do something like that but I wasn’t sure if they were even serious and why would anyone believe me if I told anyone? So I followed them out and those five broke off from the group and headed towards the team so I just called out to them and…” he licked his lips, Hinata was silent beside him, staring up at him. “I pissed them off,” He didn’t need to know how, “And ran for it, but I tripped which is what happened to my leg and it wouldn’t hold me up forever and I fell and…” he shrugged slightly, “And you showed up and I couldn’t let you stay because I wouldn’t be able to stop them so I had to get you to leave and you did and I was so relieved, I’d forgotten about the talk of your legs and I wasn’t prepared when they…” he trailed off, “And then they left and you came back and that shocked me more than anything else but then they were coming back so I had to get you to leave again.”

“And I know the rest.” Hinata muttered, looking anywhere but at Kageyama. “So...it’s my fault.” he mumbled.

“What? No it’s not! Dumbass!” he grabbed his head with his good hand. “It’s my own fault.”

“But it was because of me! They were mad at me and you paid for it!” his head snapped up, and Kageyama was shocked to see the tears in his eyes. “You got hurt because of me, you can’t play for over a month because of me! You…” he sniffled, “You big idiot! You should’ve told the team not…”

He flinched, “It’s not your fault! I didn’t believe they’d believe me, and I couldn’t just let something happen to you.”

“See! It is my fault! If I wasn’t on the team-”

“You’re a regular because of me, so it’s my fault in the end.”

“It’s not just because of you!” he snarled.

He flinched, “At first it was.” he muttered. “And I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d blame yourself but it was my decision. I knew I could get hurt. It’s my fault.”

“But if it wasn’t for me-”

“Being the decoy I set you up as?” Kageyama cut in, he wouldn’t let Hinata blame himself like this.

“Why don’t you hate me?” he asked softly, looking up at him.

He blinked, that was the last thing he’d expected, “Why don’t you hate me?” he replied, “After what I said…”

“Because you didn’t mean it...did you?”

He shook his head quickly, “I didn’t. I just wanted you to get away before they did something to you too.”

“I-I didn’t mean what I said either!” He said quickly, practically leaning into his lap to look up at his face. “I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have shot that at you like that….”

Kageyama blinked at him, “You didn’t?” shit he didn’t mean to ask that.

He flinched, “Well….I meant it just in a way to hurt you, not like I actually believed it way.”

“You….haven’t been waiting around for me to become a king again?” the words slipped past his lips without his say so.

“No!” Hinata gasped, looking up at him with wide eyes and eyebrows nearly in his hairline in shock. “Never! You’re not like that anymore! I know that! You know that! The team knows that! Your old teammates know it!” he was shaking his head frantically.

He sighed, relaxing slightly and smiling at him. “Good.”

“Kageyama you were worried about that?” he frowned.

He nodded slightly, “Just a little bit…”

Hinata sighed slightly, “Why would you do this for me?” he gestured at him as a whole.

He blushed slightly, “B-because I care about you, dumbass.” he muttered. He wasn’t ready to confess, even after all this.

“Care about me?” Hinata asked, leaning over into his lap again, sounding hopeful.

Kageyama blushed brightly, trying to push him away. “Yes.”

“Like, like me or like me?” he asked, peering up at his face.

He looked away, feeling his neck burning. “T-the second.” he admitted.

Hinata gasped slightly, “Really?!” he was leaning into his personal space now.

“Yeah, dumbass.” he muttered, pushing him away.

“Ah! Wait no! I like you like that too!” he replied, leaning away. “So don’t be upset!”

He blushed, looking away, “I wasn’t upset.”

“If you say so.” he replied with a grin, “So do you want to date?” he asked eagerly.

“I…” he was torn, he kept dying, he didn’t want to get close to him only for him to die… “Y-yeah…” he admitted.

Hinata laughed brightly, “Great!” he grabbed his hand, before frowning, “So you’re hurt because...you love me?” he asked, pulling his hand away again.

Kageyama grabbed his hand, “No! I’m hurt because I’m an idiot!” he objected, holding onto his hand tightly.

“But you wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t love me…”

“That’s not true! I don’t have to love you to want to make sure you don’t get hurt!” he snapped. “Dumbass, do you want Nishinoya or Yamaguchi to get hurt?” he demanded.

“W-well no…” he mumbled, looking away, fingers twitching in his hand.

“Doesn’t mean you love them. You’d try to stop them from getting hurt wouldn’t you?”

“Well yeah…” he muttered, “Bakeyama stop making sense!” he whined.

He laughed slightly, “Only if you’ll stop blaming yourself. I could’ve told Daichi or Ukai what I heard but I didn’t. It’s my fault.” he stated firmly, he couldn’t let Hinata blame himself, he might do something stupid.

“...fine.” he muttered.

“Good.” he smiled slightly, leaning over and resting his chin on top of his head.

Hinata squeaked slightly but didn’t object. “What are you doing?”

He blushed, “Your hair is soft.”

He giggled slightly, wrapping his free hand around him in a hug. “Why are you so cold?”

“You’re just too hot.” he replied before blushing brightly, “I-I just mean temperature.”

Hinata was giggling so hard his chin slipped off his head and he pouted at him.

Hinata quieted his laughter, “I’m sorry, you’re just so cute.”

“C-cute?” he stuttered, blushing brightly.

“You’re so cute!” he chirped, “I mean not all the time but a lot of the time, when you’re like reacting to things and stuff!” he was bouncing in place on the bed. “I can’t believe you like me!” he laughed, “I’m just sorry it took you getting hurt like this for us to find out…” he looked away.

Kageyama huffed, “Hinata, stop it. Stop worrying about it, I’ll be fine. It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore.”

Hinata huffed, “I can’t help it, how would you feel if I was the one with a broken arm.”

He flinched, “Okay….just try for me?”

He nodded slightly, “We should go to sleep, what are you going to do about practice?”

“I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t watch, it’ll make me restless…” he sighed, “I don’t think I’ll be able to stay away that long though…”

Hinata nodded slightly, “You could come watch every few days, you can even tell us how we’re improving or not improving!” he bounced in place.

They quieted down to go to sleep, though Kageyama couldn’t help himself reaching up onto the bed from his futon, grabbing Hinata’s hand that was hanging slightly off of the bed, falling asleep shortly after.

\----

The weeks passed, and Hinata was quick to rush to his classes or to the gate, and walk around holding his hand, chattering happily at his side. The hand holding was the only real thing that changed, and the lack of racing each other, but that was more because of his arm than because they were dating.

He was happy, and so was Hinata. He seemed to be even more energetic than before, which should’ve been impossible. The team had commented on it, wondering if he was trying to make up for Kageyama being unable to play by spending more energy in practice.

Kageyama liked to think he made Hinata happier than he’d already been to be playing volleyball and that was why. They didn’t have much free time, and it was weird to see his boyfriend less than he did before, though that was because of volleyball of course.

Which was why he was blindsided by the call he got from his mother at three in the morning.

“T-Tobio, you need to meet me at the hospital, it’s about Shouyou.” was all she said before she hung up.

He was wide awake in an instant, rushing out of his room to wake up his dad, babbling out what he knew of the situation, trying to be quiet to not wake up his mom that needed the rest.

“O-okay Tobio…” he yawned slightly as he sat up, “Go start the car I’ll be right out.”

He ran back to his room to throw on more clothes before rushing out the door with the keys, starting the car and waiting impatiently for it to warm up as he watched his dad stumble out of the house.

Neither of them bothered turning on the radio, and Tobio’s eyes were bouncing between the road and his phone, hoping he’d get a message from Hinata like ‘Sorry, I worked too hard and passed out and my mother freaked out! You can go back to sleep.’ not that he would of course, he wouldn’t be able to rest until he saw his boyfriend again.

Which was when he realized he did have a message from Hinata, he chewed on his lip, it was from a couple hours ago…

‘U no Im glad ur phone never wakes u up. I just wanted to tell you I love you so much. And its not ur fault, no matter what my mom says.’

It felt like his blood froze in his veins, it sounded like….but that couldn’t be possible right?....Hinata couldn’t have…

He pushed those thoughts out of his head, it was just the news that he was in the hospital making him read the text like that, surely. Hinata would be fine, he just ate something and had a bad reaction. Duh, it would be fine. He’d be in the hospital for a couple days and then they’d be able to play volleyball again because his cast would be off by then.

They’d been counting down the days until they got to use the freak quick again.

Hinata wouldn’t have….especially not so close….

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the car coming to a stop, and he looked out, jumping out of the car and rushing in, he blinked at Hinata’s father, who was holding his sister while they sat up front.

He noticed him and patted the seat next to him and he nervously made his way over, perching on the edge, unsure if he should ask what happened or not.

Natsu blinked at him, “To-nii…” she reached for him and he suddenly found himself with a lapful of child as her father handed her off, standing up to pace without a word.

He chewed on his lip and tried to rock her slightly. “Hi Natsu, are you tired?”

She shook her head even as she yawned, “Momma told me not to sleep.”

He swallowed thickly, “S-she did?” he tried to keep his tone light, “D-did she say why?”

She shook her head again, “Why are you here To-nii?” she asked, tilting her head as she leaned back.

“Your momma called me and told me to come.” he replied, licking his lips nervously. “D-did something happen with your brother?” obviously something did but she might know what without realizing it.

She frowned, “I think so. Daddy woke me up and took me to the car, but there was an ambulance ahead of us and we followed it here and I think I might’ve seen onee-chan…”

He nodded slightly, “I’m sure we’ll see him soon, once they’re done.”

“What do you think happened?” she asked curiously.

“I-I don’t know….” he was bad with kids why did he end up with her in his lap. “I wish I knew.”

She nodded, nuzzling into his chest. “I’m tired.” she admitted. “Will you wake me up if you see my parents?”

He nodded, “Sure.” he could do that much at least, watch for one of them to come over and then wake her up. “Promise not to be grouchy?” he teased.

She nodded slightly, burrowing her head into his loose shirt.

He didn’t know how much time passed, it felt like an age and at some point his dad came over and sat next to him, looking down at the girl. “His sister?”

Kageyama nodded mutely. “Have you talked to his dad?”

He shook his head, “I didn’t want to….” he paused, trying to find the right word but Kageyama nodded anyway. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.” he ruffled his bed head, messing it up even more.

He pulled the girl closer to his chest, not feeling nearly as sure. After all, bad things kept happening, and that text…

“Kageyama?” the voice was hesitant but he looked up, shaking the drowsiness from his head as he looked up at Hinata’s mother.

“Ye-” he swallowed, “Y-yes?”

“I’m sorry for not telling you anything-”

“I’m sure you were more worried about him, don’t worry.”

She nodded, “I….it’s time to go and see him.”

He looked up at her, “I-is he okay?” he didn’t want to walk into that room, expecting Hinata sitting up and smiling, only to see him dead.

She flinched slightly, “He’s...awake.” she reached down to take Natsu from him but he shook his head, standing up carefully.

“Natsu-chan, wake up.” he said softly, and she opened bleary eyes to look at him.

“To-nii…” she frowned, “What’s going on?”

“Uh…” he frowned, “Would you rather be with your mom?” he asked, and she blinked, looking around and noticing her, before shaking her head and gripping tighter to him. He shrugged at her and she turned to head off, and he followed after as fast as he dared holding a child.

She stopped outside a door. “Natsu-chan, why don’t you give Tobio a few minutes alone with your brother?”

Natsu frowned slightly but finally nodded. “‘kay.” she held her arms out to her mom, who quickly took her, relaxing slightly once she was in her arms.

He tried not to be offended, he was sure she just wanted to hold one of her children. He took a deep breath and opened the door, walking into the dim room. “Hinata?”

“K-Kageyama what are you doing here?!” he heard the heart monitor spike and he flinched.

“Your mom called me…” he made his way across the room, looking down at Hinata. He was hooked up to a ton of machines, and looked tired and sad, but he was awake at least, not dead. “What happened?”

He flinched, looking away.

Kageyama cursed in his mind, “You don’t have to tell me, just look at me please…” he wanted to know, he was dying to know, but he’d rather Hinata be happy that he was there.

“Tobio…” he sighed, looking back at him, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“I….lied.”

“A-about what?” he felt his heart drop into his stomach, was he faking being in love with him and couldn’t take it anymore? Was that what had happened? He’d felt so bad for what happened to him that he dated him out of pity?

“Not blaming myself.” he muttered, looking at the wall across from his bed.

“H-huh?”

“I’ve felt so guilty….this entire time.” he admitted slowly. “It-”

“But it’s almost over, I can toss to you in two days!” he didn’t mean to interrupt, he just didn’t understand what was happening.

“I know….I’m sorry. I just….it was all too much.”

That was all the confirmation he needed. But at the same time, he was glad he was still alive, he leaned over the bed and hugged him very lightly, unsure where he was possibly hurting. “I love you, forever.”

When he pulled back he was surprised to see tears in Hinata’s eyes, “You big idiot.” he whined softly, “I don’t deserve you, find someone better.”

He huffed, offended, “There’s nobody better, trust me.”

Hinata sniffled, “They didn’t tell you did they?”

“They didn’t tell me anything really.” he muttered, looking him over.

“I…” he looked away, “I’m not going to get to hit your toss again.”

It took a moment for it to sink in, and when it did he fell into the chair beside the bed. “S-shou?” he asked softly.

“I-I’m sorry Kageyama.” he could just see his hands clenching in the sheets. “There’s a small chance but…” he trailed off.

“I’ll stay.” he said immediately. “I-if you’d want me to.” he added, looking away. It was entirely possible he’d force him out of the room.

“Tobio…” he reached out, grabbing his hand that was sitting on the rail of the bed. “Yeah…” he breathed.

“I...should probably leave to let your family in though…” he didn’t want to intrude on that, and he squeezed his hand tightly before pulling slightly away. He heard the monitor spike slightly.

“O-okay…” he mumbled, looking away with tears in the corner of his eyes.

“I’ll be just outside the door, ask Natsu to call for me and I’ll come in.” he smiled slightly, leaning over and kissing his forehead. “Promise.”

When he pulled back Hinata was looking up at him in awe, he could practically see the stars in his eyes. He blushed brightly and stumbled towards the door, “J-just outside this door.” he needed to get out, he needed to breakdown, but he wouldn’t do it in front of Hinata, he didn’t deserve that. He pushed the door open slowly, trying not to act as panicked as he felt as he stumbled out, catching sight of his father and throwing himself at him.

His dad reacted quickly, catching him and bringing him into a confused hug, “T-Tobi-”

“Their turn.” he mumbled, bringing his arms up and hugging him tightly as he heard them shuffle in, hearing Natsu’s confused question about if he was okay.

His dad pulled him a little down the hallway, “Tobio?” he asked softly, rubbing his back.

“H-he’s gonna…” his throat closed up and he buried his face in his chest.

“They made him tell you?” he could hear the anger in his voice, “It’ll be okay Tobio.”

He shook his head mutely, it was only a matter of time until he woke up somewhere else, and then things would be okay, and then something horrible would happen. He didn’t know if it would ever end. He wished he could resist becoming attached but he couldn’t, he would always love Hinata fiercely, too much to be unaffected by anything that happened. And it hurt, his chest hurt so much, as he let himself cry in his fathers arms. Maybe this would be the end, and he would just have to move forward with his life. His arm itched and he wanted to beat it against a wall because it was all it’s fault! It broke and Hinata broke inside. And he didn’t notice.

He couldn’t focus on that right now, he needed to get back in there and spend what time he could with Hinata, he could be upset later. He took a deep breath, pulling back. “Dad, I want to stay until…”

He nodded, “Of course Tobio. Is there anything you’d like me to go home and get?”

Kageyama shook his head, seeing a water fountain and walking over to splash his face.

 

Hinata passed only a few hours later, with Kageyama holding onto his hand tightly.

 

The sound of the heart monitor flat-lining was lost on him as he just stared at Hinata. He was aware of being pulled away as they tried to restart his heart, but it refused to get going again. He quickly forced himself back to him, holding the back of his hand to his lips and kissing it.

It wasn’t much later that his dad was there, pulling at him. “Tobio, Tobio it’s time for us to go.” he prodded gently.

Tears were flowing down his face, he didn’t want to leave, it would make it so much more real. But as he glanced up to say something, he caught sight of Hinata’s family and flinched slightly, bowing his head and allowing himself to be pulled up and out into the hall, following his dad down the hall and back to the car without seeing anything, still seeing Hinata’s face as he laid there. Hearing his words ringing in his head. He felt like he couldn’t breath around the lump in his throat.

He didn’t get the quiet of the car this time, his dad turning on the music at a low volume. “You can stay home today.” he offered as Kageyama looked out at the sunrise.

It felt like the sun should set, and stay there forever, but he nodded slightly. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate, and he didn’t want to chance seeing the team and having to tell them.

 

He got his cast off, but he just stared at his arm after, feeling no joy. He’d never toss to Hinata again. He hadn’t tossed to him in over a month. It felt hollow, gaining his arm back after Hinata…

He didn’t go to school for two days, and when he did he skipped morning practice to go to school, then walked slowly to practice.

“Hey Kageyama!” Sugawara grinned, waving at him with a volleyball under his arm. “I see your cast is off!” he grinned. “Hinata hasn’t been here though…” he frowned.

Kageyama froze in place, nobody told the team? He was left to do it? He couldn’t breath, his chest felt too small for his lungs and he doubled over, gasping for breath because no, no he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t be the one to tell them…

“Kageyama!” Sugawara was at his side, rubbing his back, “What’s wrong, are you okay? Do you need to go to the doctor?” Sugawara sounded panicked, but he could barely tell, could barely hear him through his panic. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t think he couldn’t breath he couldn’t…

“Kageyama?” that was Daichi’s voice, and he saw his shoes walk into his line of sight. “Kageyama say something…”

“S-sorry.” he managed through his gasps.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come to practice ye-”

“It’s not volleyball!” he snapped, hands on his knees. He wished Hinata was there to calm him down.

“Do you know why Hina-”

“H-he’s dead!” he sobbed out, not even realizing he was crying.

“W-what?” Sugawara gasped and the hand on his back stopped.

“Kageyama, Hinata can’t be-”

“I was there! I held his hand as he-” his voice cut off. “I was there.” he whispered.

“Kageyama! Have you seen Shouyou!” Nishinoya’s voice came from the direction of the gym.

He stumbled back from his senpai, he couldn’t….he couldn’t deal with having to tell all of them….he couldn’t go through that. He turned and ran, ran from the gym and the team and everyone not knowing! How could they not know! Did nobody call Ukai and tell him? He found himself grabbing at his phone and staring at it, hand hovering over Hinata’s name in the messages. He read the message he’d sent over and over as he sobbed, bent over his phone as he fell apart in some deserted corner.

He switched to his dad’s name and texted him, trying to tell him but he wasn’t sure if he had managed to make any sense but he just wanted Hinata there, Hinata texting him nonsense to calm him down. He just wanted Hinata.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, crying over his phone and stuck in looping thoughts, stuck in memories, stuck.

“Kageyama!” he couldn’t place the voice, it wasn’t Hinata so it didn’t matter.

“Kageyama!” “Tobio!” “Kageyama!”

He wanted them to shut up and leave him alone.

“I see him!”

He flinched, they sounded angry. He curled in on himself as he heard pounding footsteps running towards him.

He was unprepared for the punch to the face and he fell to the ground, blinking up in shock.

“It’s your fault!” Nishinoya was screaming, being held back by Tsukishima of all people. “It’s your fault! It’s because of you he-he’s dead!” he was struggling against the blond. “Let me go Tsukishima! Let me at him!”

“Nishinoya stop!” Tsukishima demanded, dragging him back.

He couldn’t stop Tanaka from rushing past him and punching him in the face as well, he felt his head bounce off the wall as he stared up at the second year. Ennoshita was now holding him back, looking pissed off but apologetic when he would glance at Kageyama.

He brought his hand up to his face, holding it against his cheek.

“Get out of here! You’re out of the club!” Nishinoya snapped, “I’ll leave if you stay!”

Kageyama flinched, that hurt as much as the punches. “I-I’m sorry.” he mumbled. They were right of course, it was his fault Hinata was dead. It was because of him. He pushed himself to his feet. “I’m sorry.” he said again, unable to look up at any of them. He turned and walked off, not caring where he went.

“Kageyama!” he flinched at yet another voice yelling his name, head shooting up and trying to figure out where to run. “Kageyama what happened to you?” he heard a gasp and managed to find Yamaguchi looking at him in shock, he rushed over, pulling his hand away to look. “Who did this?”

He shrugged, looking away.

“It was Tanaka or Nishinoya wasn’t it?” he muttered angrily, “You’re hurting just as much as them aren’t you?” he asked softly, pulling him into a loose hug. “I’m sorry.”

“T-they’re right. It’s my fault.” he shook his head, struggling weakly against his hold.

“They’re wrong!” he snapped, “They just want someone to blame, and you were the closest to him.”

“I-I can’t believe nobody told the team.” he whispered. “They just…”

“Shhh, it’s okay Kageyama.” he murmured, “I know, I don’t know what they were thinking, putting the burden on you. Call your parents, get one of them to pick you up, okay?” he asked, tugging slightly at the hand still holding tight to his phone. “Go take a long shower.”

He blinked up at him in confusion slightly, but nodded and went off to the front of the school, stumbling slightly.

“We’ll keep them away from you Kageyama.” he added, “Don’t worry about it.”

He walked home and passed out on his bed, fully clothed. He wasn’t sure what he’d do without volleyball and Hinata. He stared at his phone, willing it to ring with a message from Hinata.

It never would again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY ABOUT THE DEATH.
> 
> It broke and Hinata broke inside. I love that line.
> 
> This was a bit of a self-indulgent first years care about each other a lot in places. 
> 
> Okay so, this is the end of what I have pre-written. If I don't finish the next chapter before Monday, it'll be up whenever its done after that. Feel free to come bug me about it on tumblr! It'll encourage me.
> 
> Akakage.tumblr.com


	8. In Which Hinata Gets the Wrong Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's had it up to here with this situation, he's at the end of his rope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well with this we cross 40K words so there's that. This chapter fought me every sentence of the way. So uh, enjoy.

Kageyama woke up the next morning, much less bedraggled than he’d expected. He rolled over and realized with a start he wasn’t in his clothes he distinctly remembered falling asleep in. Nor was his phone where he remembered leaving it. 

He stared across his room in confusion for a few minutes before his phone went off--went off with a distinct ringtone--with Hinata’s ringtone. He fumbled for his phone in a slight panic.

“Kageyama! Kageyama where are you? Practice is about to start? Are you in the hospital? Are you so sick you can’t make it out of bed? Where are you?!” Hinata’s fast, worried voice greeted him.

Slowly, ever so slowly, like molasses sinking into his brain, he realized, it’d happened again. He was back in a world where Hinata was fine. Again. 

“Kageyama?! You’re not answering! Should I call the hospital? Oh my god Kageyama are you dying?!” 

He couldn’t hold back a slight snort, no, he wasn’t dying. Hinata was, he always was. 

“You’re alive at least.” He sighed in relief. “I’ll ca-”

“Dumbass, don’t.” He cut him off. “I…” he didn’t even know what to tell him, he was asleep because he died? 

“Are you staying home today? Should I bring you your stuff?” He asked worriedly.

“Yeah.” he muttered and hung up. He didn’t feel like forcing himself out of bed and to school for what? A week or two of happiness before it  _ all _ went to hell again? What was the point. He’d already done all he could to protect Hinata, and it didn’t matter. He died with him or without him, liking him or hating him. He died anyway, none of that mattered. He didn’t even feel sad anymore, just...empty. What was the point in trying to do anything? Why bother getting better at volleyball even, he’d never get to another tournament. 

At least the third years would never graduate. He couldn’t help but think with a scoff. Why bother going to school and learning something when he wouldn’t even make it to the test? Why care about his grades? Why care about his health even? 

What was the point of any of it? He was powerless to stop Hinata’s death, he was worthless and he was never going to move forward anyway, he was just stuck, reliving it over and over and over again in new horrible ways. 

Some part of him was aware that this was all just exhaustion talking, he was going to do anything he could to keep Hinata alive if it was in his power. But he felt he was due a day off, a day to just wallow in his pity.

And if that caused Hinata’s death? So be it, he’d be alive again within a day. Nothing mattered.

He burrowed under the blankets and went back to a troubled sleep.

\-----

When he opened his eyes again it was dark outside and he didn’t get why he was awake. His body still felt so heavy and fatigued, he still wished it would all just end. Sleep hadn’t fixed anything. Maybe Hinata had died after that call and he was already somewhere else, it sure felt like he hadn’t slept.

“Kageyama…” he rolled over to look at his door where Hinata stood, looking around slightly uncomfortable. “I-uh-have your stuff.” 

He gestured with an arm towards a desk and Hinata went over and quickly put it down. “Uh-are you okay? Will you be at school tomorrow?” 

“I’ll be there.” He ground out, throat dry and aching, partly from residual grief.

“A-ah okay! S-see you then, feel better!” He said and quickly left the room and presumably the house.

He laid in the silence for a few minutes before he got up to get a drink and go to the bathroom. He couldn’t just lay there forever, if nothing else his parents wouldn’t let him. He went down for a snack, not tasting whatever he’d found to eat before he went back up to his room. He gave a few half-hearted stabs at his homework before he threw himself back onto his bed and fell into dreamless sleep.

———

He woke up the next morning not having the energy to move, not getting the point of getting up for his early run, it’s not like it mattered anyway. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling for awhile until he heard his parents getting up and he sighed and sat up slowly. He knew he had to go to school today, he was surprised he got away with it yesterday.

He got up and pulled out some clothes, mindlessly changing for the day and running a comb through his hair before he sighed and headed downstairs, grabbing something on his way to the door. He paused, his half completed homework was still upstairs on his desk. He twisted the handle and went out, it didn’t matter anyway.

He got there in plenty of time for practice, and headed for the gym, but when he saw Hinata didn’t bother to try and race him, he just couldn’t drag up the will. He was only vaguely aware of Hinata’s worried look in response before he joined in walking to the gym.

“Still-uh-feeling under the weather?” Hinata, glanced at him.

He shrugged slightly, he wished he had the will to pretend to be normal, give it a couple days and he’d back on his feet, he was sure. He just needed a little time to...he wasn’t sure what exactly. He wasn’t ever going to get used to Hinata dying, but maybe to get over his past death? He was dragged out of his musing by arriving at the gym, and he shook his head and tried to focus on volleyball, he would not allow this...whatever, to taint his sport.

He was somewhat surprised by how effective he was at ignoring what was wrong with him, it didn’t show in his game at all and he felt the stirrings of pride in his chest, but it was quickly whisked away by the empty feeling. 

He managed to look like he was paying attention in class, but his mind was completely zoned out, he could’ve been told volleyball was declared illegal and he wouldn’t have heard a thing.

Surely, tomorrow things would be better.

\-----

Five minutes of staring blankly at the ceiling, not even processing the passing of time the next morning made him mildly aware this wasn’t going to just get better. But he ignored it and forced himself out of bed, and to school and volleyball again. 

Hinata shot him more worried looks, “Kageyama, what’s wrong? I know something's up, but I don’t have a clue what.” 

“Nothing,” he paused for a moment, “and that’s what’s wrong.” he added under his breath.

Hinata shot him a bewildered look, eyebrows furrowed in confusion but didn’t ask him to clarify, probably knowing he wouldn’t get anything else from the setter.

That suited Kageyama just fine, he couldn’t just come out and tell him, ‘oh you see, I just can’t move past seeing you die over and over and over again and it’s not just a dream or something like that, no it’s real, trust me it’s real, and I know I sound crazy but that’s what’s wrong, you asked Hinata.’ he didn’t even want to imagine what would happen. He also felt like any action or inaction he took would lead to Hinata’s death and he just didn’t know what to do anymore, it was like being trapped in a chamber that was filling with water, and every action you took just made the water flow faster and you had to just try and keep your head above the water and hope for the best.

Another day passed, and the water slowly rose.

Kageyama didn’t know what to do.

\-----

Kageyama found the whole water filling a room metaphor to be comforting, there was water flowing in, but it was still at his ankles. He could be alarmed but he didn’t have to do anything yet, he could keep an eye out for ways out of the room, but he didn’t need to panic about it yet.

Though you could drown in an inch of water.

\-----

By the end of the week, Hinata was outright ignoring him, actually, he was closer to avoiding him. He ran past him to the gym, ran past him out of the gym, and didn’t bother him for tosses.

He was aware of a pain in his chest, but it felt so distant from reality. Hinata was avoiding him yes, but that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of Hinata dying did it? He could torture himself about all the ‘what if’ this and that or this or that being what ultimately caused his death, or he could just watch and see what happened.

He did feel the loneliness beginning to eat at him, but just barely, like a bird circling overhead. What did loneliness matter when there was a life on the line? Especially when he caused it to begin with, no, he did not have any right to feel bad about this situation.

However, he could practically feel himself retreating from everyone around him, it was an interesting sensation. It brought back memories that he shoved back to the back of his mind where they belonged.

Nothing felt like it mattered anymore.

The water rose.

\-----

“Kageyama how could you?”

“Kageyama!”

“Help!”

“Tobio!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Get out of here!”

“Its your fault!”

“It’s  _ your _ fault!” 

“It’s all your fault!”

“KAGEYAMA WAKE UP!”

His eyes shot open and he shot up with a choked gasp, tears leaking from his eyes and making it hard to see, the light told him he’d fallen asleep in the afternoon again after returning home, but his mind was still stuck in the dream. Hinata dying, begging him for help, everyone blaming him. It felt like the water was up to his neck.

“K-Kageyama?” 

He blinked, turning and seeing Hinata, who was standing next to his bed and looking terrified and worried at the same time, hands hovering near his shoulder. 

“A-are you o-okay?” 

“What are you doing here?” he tried to snap, but his voice cracked.

“I…” he rubbed at his wrist, “The team told me I was being stupid. And they were right.”

“...you died.” he admitted.

Hinata brightened slightly at this, “Well obviously, I’m not dead so it’s okay now right?” 

He shook his head, swallowing past the lump in his throat. Hinata obviously thought he just meant the nightmare, but it was so much more than that.

“How isn’t it?” 

“Nothing.” He couldn’t tell him, he wouldn’t believe him, he’d think he was crazy or something, he couldn’t ruin this...whatever that made Hinata want to be around him again.

“Kageyama! You can’t act like this for ages, and have a nightmare like that, tell me I died, and then refuse to say what else is bothering you!”

“Because you keep dying!” he snarled, twisting to face him full on, “No matter what happens or what I do you just keep dying!” he couldn’t stop himself now, “Everything I try, everything I do, it doesn’t matter! You just die!”

Hinata frowned, “You’re having a reoccurring nightmare about me dying?” he was clearly trying to make sense of his rambling.

“No!” he snapped, irritated and gut churning with so many emotions. “You don’t get it, I  _ wish  _ it was just a nightmare, but it’s not. You never listen to me off the court because I’m just a stupid tyrant king but somehow, I just keep watching you die, and then suddenly you’re alive again and everytime I allow myself to hope you won’t die you die! I can’t stand it anymore! Why can’t you just stay alive you dumbass!” 

He opened his eyes, not even realizing he’d closed them, and found Hinata further away than he had been. A stone dropped in his gut and he practically couldn’t breathe around the lump in his throat. Hinata’s eyes were wide with mild terror, and he was still backing away.

“H-Hinata…” he choked out, feeling helpless and small, “I…” he fought back the tears, but Hinata didn’t stop moving. “I’m sorry.” his voice was soft and hoarse and he could barely hear himself.

Hinata opened his mouth slightly, before turning and rushing out fully. He heard him go down and out. 

This almost felt worse than his deaths, he thought as he curled back up in his bed, feeling like there was a knife stabbing into his heart.

The water was dangerously high.

\----- 

He thought it was bad before, but it was nothing compared to this. Hinata was practically fleeing from him at every opportunity, he made sure he wasn’t left alone with him, and at one point he did come up to him.

“Stay away from me.” he had said, eyes hard as he glared at him, not the slightest bit of remorse or sadness, just the statement and the expectation to be obeyed.

He’d only been able to nod and watch him turn and walk away determinedly. 

He wanted to cry, he wanted to be anywhere else, anywhere he didn’t freak Hinata out to this point. Kageyama could only hope this wasn’t the final world he would end up in.

Or maybe he really was just crazy, maybe it was all just in his head. Maybe Hinata should stay away from him. Maybe this was for the best.

\-----

“Kageyama…” Sugawara stood between him and the door. “I don’t know what happened with Hinata, in general, but you can talk to me. I want you to talk to me. We all know something’s wrong, please, just talk to one of us.” 

Kageyama stared at him, but he didn’t really pay any attention to what he was saying. He knew he should talk to someone, but it wouldn’t do any good, Sugawara would just hate him too and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want anyone else to hate him like Hinata did. He didn’t know why Hinata hated him, he had a breakdown yeah, but why...why was this the result? Maybe they were never really friends if a breakdown caused this. Friends are supposed to help you through your breakdowns, not...this.

“Kageyama, I’m not letting you leave until you say something.” Sugawara glared at him, setting his stance wider in the doorway. “Hinata…” he sighed, “Hinata thinks you’re on drugs for some reason.” 

His eyes snapped to Sugwara’s face and his jaw fell open. “What?!” he asked, incredulous, voice cracking from disuse. “Drugs? Because I’ve been off?” his tongue got tied in his mouth as he struggled to find some sort of reaction, some way to prove it wasn’t true because that was ridiculous. A horrible thought occurred to him, “He told more than just you didn’t he?”

Sugawara seemed slightly more at ease with his response. “Yeah, he kinda announced his ‘discovery’ to the whole team, nobody really believed him because there was no evidence either way, and while a mood change could be drugs, it’s also fairly normal and anyway I’m rambling.” he cut himself off. “Either way your reaction has quashed any doubts I had, but please Kageyama, tell me what  _ is _ wrong.” he stepped closer to him. “Please.”

He looked to the side of him. “I…” he sighed, “I’ve not…” he struggled, trying to find the words without saying something to make Sugawara think he was crazy. “I’ve had a bad time of it.” he sighed finally. 

The third year nodded, pulling him to sit down next to him on the bench, silently waiting for him to continue.

“It’s too complicated… “ he sighed. “Let’s just say…it’s-” he sighed again, “I can’t.” he finished annoyed at himself.

“It’s fine.” Sugawara rubbed his back. “I understand.”

“I just don’t want you to think I’m going crazy.” he muttered, hanging his head.

“Well you clearly need to talk about it…” Sugawara prompted him.

He paused and then shook his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t. Hinata kind of found out and that’s why…” he sighed, “I need to go find him and talk to him.” he started to get to his feet.

“Well, I’m still here. Good luck with Hinata.” Sugawara raised a hand to his head and ruffled his hair. “I don’t think he’s left yet.”

Kageyama nodded, “Thank you Sugawara...for talking.” he offered and turned and quickly headed out to find Hinata. 

The water level lowered, he could fix Hinata thinking he was on drugs, that was fixable. Potentially provable. 

“Hinata!” he called, spying him by the bike rack. 

Hinata spun to face him, freezing slightly before staring at him with indifference. 

“Hinata, look… “ he panted when he came to a stop next to him. “I-look I’m sorry I freaked you out, but I’m not on drugs or something like that, I’ve just been having a hard time of things.”

Hinata didn’t react. 

“Sugawara-san told me, that’s the only reason I know you think I’m on drugs, and that that’s why you’ve been avoiding me, and I don’t know what you want me to do to prove I’m not.” he could only hope that Hinata would give him another chance.

“Kageyama,” he paused, “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he couldn’t just let him continue hating him for something that wasn’t true. “I’m not and never have been on drugs. Really Hinata.”

He chewed on his lip, “I’ll think about it.” he finally said.

Kageyama nodded eagerly, he could give Hinata some time, that was fine, he could give Hinata whatever he wanted, if he could fix this.

“So uh...I’ll text you later.” Hinata said haltingly, moving to get onto the bike.

“Walk with me to the split?” it wasn’t usually a long walk which is why he thought Hinata might go for it.

Hinata stared at him for several minutes before nodding slightly and, while he carefully kept the bike between them, he started walking down the road. Kageyama respected the barrier and remained on the other side as he walked along as well.

It was silent, but not too awkward, more comfortable than it had been since he woke up here what felt like months ago. He felt himself relaxing slightly, it was like the water was receding rapidly, things would be fine again.

It didn’t take them long to reach the point where they split, and both stood there awkwardly.

“So uh...see you tomorrow...Kageayma.” Hinata offered, climbing up onto the bike. 

“See you.” Kageyama replied, turning and walking towards his house.

\-----

He sat up all night worried, last time he’d had a good talk with Hinata and then he’d gone home he’d died. But this wasn’t the middle of the night and he couldn’t text Hinata to ask him if he got home safe, not after his breakdown that freaked Hinata out.

He couldn’t stop rolling over, trying to get comfortable enough to relax and go to sleep. Hinata was fine, there was no reason for him not to be. 

By the time it was two am he couldn’t stand it, he rolled over and grabbed at his phone, deciding to at least text Sugawara. ‘Talking to Hinata went okay. But now I can’t sleep.’ he didn’t have to tell him he was worried about Hinata, he was probably asleep anyway and wouldn’t see this until he woke up, but it did alleviate some of his anxiety.

It was awhile before he managed to drift off, with no reply from Sugawara. He was happy that he didn’t inconvenience him in the middle of the night.

\-----

He waited for Hinata at the point where they split, nervous but hiding it. He’d agreed to walk here with him last night, why would he deny him this morning? He really didn’t need to be here an hour early but he couldn’t stay asleep anyway, and he was still worried about Hinata even if he didn’t want to be.

He heard the clicking sound of the bike before he saw it, and his heart finally calmed at seeing Hinata biking towards him. He couldn’t panic every time Hianta was out of his sight, that would freak Hinata out too.

Like his life had been thus far, it was going to be harder than it appeared. Hinata slowed to a stop next to him and got off his bike after a moment to walk with him to school and he stifled a sigh of relief as they walked towards the school and the gym. 

The water was at a cautious level above his ankles.

\-----

The day went closer to the ‘old’ normal. They stopped to lock the bike up, they raced to the gym, Hinata didn’t avoid him too much at practice, there was a silent collective sigh of relief from the rest of the team, he managed to pay some attention in his classes, maybe this was the end, so he shouldn’t throw away his education and what not. After school practice went about the same, but that was fine, it was already so much better than previously. 

They paused at the bike rack to pick it up again and started walking again. Hinata hadn’t really talked to him all day, so he was surprised when he burst out with a few things that had happened while they weren’t talking, they lapsed into silence each time but it was still progress.

He really could fix this.

Hinata cut himself off mid word to stare at him and after a moment of mild panic he realized he’d been smiling. “I…” he scrambled for words.

“I missed this too.” Hinata said softly, flashing him a hesitant smile of his own.

His heart seized in his chest, it’d been so long since he saw that, since he saw Hinata’s happy face at all, let alone directed at him with his eyes crinkled happily. It wasn’t his usual, but it still did wonders for his peace of mind. Everything was going to be fine.

He wasn’t sure what about the small conversation did it, but Hinata was now happily going on about anything that came to mind like he normally did, walking along with all the energy he usually did, letting go of the bike the gesture wildly and Kageyama grabbed it to steady it in reflex.

He’d really missed this, there was another smile tugging at his lips.

Hinata let go of the bike again, Kageyama grabbing it as he gestured and jumped out towards the street. “Noya-senpai is getting better at tossing, did you see the slam Asahi-san got off it?” 

Kageyama barely heard him over the sight of a bus coming down the road, he dropped the bike and threw himself forward over it to grab at Hinata and drag him back, he barely snagged his shirt and sighed in relief as the bus sped by where he had been.

Hinata was staring at him with wide eyes, mouth still open in the middle of a word, seemingly frozen in place by his action.

“What, no thank you for saving your life?” he couldn’t help but say, anything to diffuse the tension.

Hinata frowned at him, “Save my life?”

“Yes idiot, you were out in traffic and a bus was coming this way. You should be more observant.”

He squinted at him in confusion and opened his mouth, stepping back to get back on his feet as he did.

And then the second bus sped right through Hinata, sending him flying to the edge of the road and then coming to a quick stop. Kageyama was already rushing to his side, eyes wide in a panic no nonononono this couldn’t be happening again things were going fine he just-Hinata couldn’t-not again! “Hinata!” he knelt next to him uselessly, scared to touch him. “Hinata please be okay please don’t die please Shouyou please!” he begged, trying to calm himself down enough to see if he was breathing but he couldn’t stop shaking. “P-pl-please don’t die…” he whispered.

“Kageyama…” 

He sagged slightly in relief that at the moment Hinata was still alive, but he didn’t look good. “Don’t speak, you-you’ll be okay…” he had to be he couldn’t die, not again, please not again. “You’ll be o-okay…” 

“Tobio…”

“Y-you have to be okay.” he whispered, hearing the ambulances already arriving, they were in luck. 

“I’m sorry.” he said, looking up at him before he was forced away by paramedics. 

Kageyama could only watch, wrecked with guilt and nerves, as they drove away quickly.

“Kageyama?” Sugawara’s voice rang out some time later. 

Kageyama looked up at him. “It’s my fault.” he said softly.

“What is?” he asked, looking him over worriedly. “I thought things were getting better with Hinata.”

“He got hit. It’s my fault.” he muttered, unable to look him in the face. If he had been on the other side of the bike, if he hadn’t been walking with him at all, if he could just accept that he was to be alone, Hinata wouldn’t be dying.

“Unless you pushed him into the street, it’s not your fault.” Sugawara replied, frowning at him slightly. “How about I take you home, make sure you get there safely.” he pulled him up to his feet where he’d been kneeling on the road side. “Things will be better tomorrow, you’ll see. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“I can’t just go home!” he objected, trying to twist out of his grip. 

“I doubt they’ll allow you in to see him, so it’s best if you just go home.” Sugawara insisted, guiding him towards his house. 

He sighed and gave in, it didn’t matter, he wouldn’t see Hinata, he’d die and then he’d wake up some time later in some world where Hinata was still alive and it would just repeat forever and ever and he would never be free.

“You’re gonna have to help me out a bit here Kageyama, I don’t know exactly where you live.” Sugawara’s voice rang through his head and it took him a minute to process what he wanted. Right, he had to be strong and get home so Sugawara could deal with this in his own way. While he was doomed to go through Hinata’s death a million times, this was the only time Sugawara would, and the first time. 

“This way.” he took the lead, but didn’t try to get Sugawara to let go of him until they were in front of his door and he hesitated, not really wanting to be alone, but wanting Sugawara to do whatever was best for him. He reached out and opened the door and went in. “Thank you Sugawara-san, for being worried about me. Take care of yourself too.” he nodded at him, taking in his somewhat surprised face before he closed the door and leaned against it. 

He couldn’t work under the assumption that he would continue finding worlds where Hinata still lived, because he couldn’t hang on to that kind of hope, he had to focus on the here and now, not what had happened or what might happen. He had to focus, he had to be there for this team, as best as he could. Maybe Hinata really would be fine, maybe this was the end.

He felt hungry for the first time in nearly a month, and dug through the kitchen for something to eat.

\-----

Kageyama’s new found energy was nearly gone by the morning, and he trudged towards school with a heavy weight on his shoulders. Sure, Hinata could live, but he also could not. Sure this could be the last time, but would that be a good thing? 

“Kageyama.” Yamaguchi greeted him in the club room. 

He nodded back slightly, distracted and just wanting to get changed.

“Kageyama.” he said more forcefully, and he forced himself to turn to face him.

“Yes?” he asked, trying not to sound irritated, because he wasn’t, but that was how things usually came out anyway.

Yamaguchi took a deep breath, “I know, we’re not really close or anything, but I want you to know I’m still here to listen to you if you need it.” he said with a level gaze on him, “Take care of yourself, yeah?” he added, before turning to head out of the room.

“T-thank you!” he called after him, stunned by the action of the usually quiet server. He didn’t even think Yamaguchi liked him, but he supposed he should give him more credit than that.

He stood in the empty room for a minute before he moved to get changed again, a small smile tugging at his lips. He did like Yamaguchi, he’d always been kind to him, even Tsukishima had at times, he resolved to spend more time with him.

Practice went well, Hinata’s absence was felt but they adapted around it, the gym was a bit quieter than normal but it was fine. 

He had a great feeling, everything was going to be just fine. He found himself smiling at random moments in the day, but he couldn’t help it, he was just in a good mood for some reason, and he wasn’t going to let people being startled ruin it for him.

He wondered if Hinata was okay, but, they say that no news is good news right? He was probably at least still alive, and that was all he could ask for anymore. He didn’t have to be well enough to play volleyball again, he just had to be alive still.

He actually managed to finish all his homework, in a move that surprised him, he’d gone to work on something else and came to the realization that he was done, there was nothing else to do. So he decided to mindlessly surf the internet.

He would’ve been lying if he said he didn’t know he was just hiding from his worries, but worrying wasn’t going to do any good so he was better off using the restless energy somehow.

There was no more water.

\-----

If he was honest, he himself was getting frustrated with his fluctuating moods, as he was now, once again, stuck in a rut. He’d gotten by practice fine, but classes were proving almost impossible to understand, even when he was paying full attention. It was like nothing was clicking, usually at least a few things would click, but today? Nothing, nada, not a one. He might as well have not gone to school.

The evening found him lying on his bed just staring at his ceiling, waiting for something, anything to grab his attention.

“Tobio? Someone’s here for you…” came his father's voice, and he frowned in confusion but got up and wondered down.

“Tsukishima?!” he exclaimed, utterly stunned by his presence of everyone.

The blond looked uncomfortable, adjusting his glasses and nodding at him. “Can we talk outside?” 

Kageyama opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find any kind of response before he nodded and stepped out past his father.

“Kageyama.” he stated, lazily gazing at him. “I decided I would come tell you before anyone else could.” 

“Tell me…what exactly?” he asked, feeling his heartbeat accelerate, Hinata was dead, he was sure of it.

“Oh, don’t look like that.” he muttered, “Hinata’s not dead.” he added firmly. “But he is asking for you, but nobody wanted to tell you, and I felt you would want to know.” 

He felt a bone deep sense of relief at the news Hinata was still alive, “Why don’t they want me to know?” was it because Hinata was going to say goodbye and they didn’t want to force him into that situation? He’d rather hear Hinata’s last words, than forever be wondering what he wanted to say.

He shrugged slightly, “I don’t know, but I think they’re wrong anyway so, you should probably go see him tomorrow or something.” 

“I will. T-thank you, Tsukishima.” it used to be harder to force himself to thank Tsukishima of all people.

“Anytime, king.” he replied, looking as unsettled as Kageyama felt before he walked off, Kageyama could just make out a surprised looking Yamaguchi on the corner waiting for him.

“Who was that?” was what he was greeted with when he came inside.

“Someone from volleyball.” he replied as he moved past him, back up to his room. “I’m going to be home late tomorrow.” he added.

“Okay...goodnight.” he replied, with a worried glance at his son.

He slept soundly that night.

\-----

The next day passed without note, until he finally headed to the hospital. He felt bad for not going sooner, but he...was so sure Hinata was going to die he couldn’t bring himself to sit there and watch it again. Watch his eyes close and feel the soft heartbeat in his hand stop and hear the piercing endless beep, he couldn’t do it again.

But Hinata was doing okay so none of that would happen, but he needed to go see him because it felt like he was already dead and nobody wanted to tell him. But he had to believe that was wrong, that Hinata was fine, he had to cling to that hope. Surely he’d know if Hinata was dead, they wouldn’t hide that from him no matter what the reason.

“Who are you here to see?” he blinked at the voice, coming back to himself to realize he’d walked all the way to the hospital while zoned out.

“H-hinata Shouyou.” he said softly.

“Hinata...Shouyou…” they typed on the computer. “Room 409.” they finished, looking up at him.

He vaguely remembered the general layout of the hospital so he set off, trying to collect his thoughts. He wasn’t dead, this confirmed it. Hinata was okay, as okay as he could be. He rode the elevator up and slowly walked down, counting the rooms and making sure he was going the right way. 

409.

The door was closed, and he could only stop and stare at it. Hinata was behind this door, possibly dying. Did he have the strength to go in there? To ignore all the bad memories? 

He took a deep breath and reached a hand out, slowly opening the door and stepping in, hearing the beeps of various machines. It was easy to find Hinata, slouching against the headboard in obvious exhaustion and body hidden under the sheets. His eyes roamed over him without noticing him before they snapped back and he tried to sit up straighter. 

“Kageyama!” he cried, and Kageyama found himself rushing forward and pushing him back down.

“Dumbass, don’t hurt yourself!” 

Hinata relaxed into the sheets. “You came…”

He nodded slightly, looking away. “I wasn’t sure you would want me here, but someone told me you were asking for me?” his voice lifted in a question, what if Tsukishima had been lying.

Hinata huffed, “Why wouldn’t I want you here, you idiot?”

“Well things have been...you know.” he sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, you’re here now, that’s what’s important.” Hinata replied with a weak smile.

“Is there anything I can get you?”

“I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry.” he can’t help but say, because he feels so guilty, because this happened because of him, everything bad happens because of him, especially to Hinata.

“Idiot! It wasn’t your fault. I know you’re all worried about me dying for some reason, but this wasn’t your fault.” Hinata is starting to get worked up, trying to sit up again.

He pauses where he was going to explain how it was his fault but he doesn’t want to be the cause of Hinata’s condition worsening so he closes his mouth and lets it drop. They could argue later, when Hinata’s all better.

“Thank you for coming to see me Kageyama.” he says softly after it’s become apparent Kageyama is going to let him win that fight. “It means a lot to me. You’re really a great guy you know?” 

“Wha-dumbass!” he bursts out, blushing and looking away.

“I mean it! You look mean and stuff and when you’re upset even more so, but you’re really a great guy to those that you let get close. I’m honored to be counted among them, I know things were tense for awhile there and I’m sorry, I should’ve talked to you.” Hinata seems to be on a roll now. “And I’m glad we’ve patched things up, I don’t know what I would’ve done if that went on much longer.”

“I’m sorry I freaked you out in the first place.” his stomach is unsettled, because this was feeling and sounding like a goodbye, but surely Tsukishima would’ve mentioned it if Hinata was dying.

“You should yell at me the next time I do something dumb like that okay? Yeesh it was not worth all the silence.” he laughed slightly. “Say Kageyama, what’s your favorite color?” 

Kageyama blinks, startled and taken off guard by the question. “Blue.” 

“I just realized I didn’t know that yet, mine’s red.” he smiled at him. 

Kageyama shifts, unsure what to do now, conversation has died and he doesn’t know how to do small talk, and Hinata is looking like the energy is leaving him by the second.

“Thanks for visiting Kageyama, but you should probably go home and I should rest. I get tired so easy…” he breaks off into a yawn. “But you have to come back, you hear?” 

“Obviously.” he replies, looking him over. “Be well.” he finishes, and goes out the door. It’s like a weight has been lifted off his back, Hinata doesn’t even look like he’s dying or anything like that. He didn’t ask how bad he was hurt or anything but surely he would’ve said something if he was going to die soon, surely the whole team wouldn’t leave him in the dark like this. No, things were going to be just fine this time.

\-----

He gets summoned the the office in the middle of class the next day, and the happy feeling in his gut vanishes in an instant, as he nears the office he spies the other members of the team also headed that way and by the time the full team is assembled outside the office, the silence is so tense, it feels like the world is ending.

There’s been a phone call. Hinata has taken a surprise turn for the worst and his parents want to know if any of them want to come see him.

The water rushes back in a tidal wave.

The whole team makes their way there and it feels like he’s drowning, he wishes he was drowning, Hinata can’t be dying,  _ no _ . He can’t. He was fine yesterday, he can’t be dying.

He is.

He doesn’t hear a thing the doctors say, he just sees Hinata lying there, tired but aware, and its wrong, so wrong. He shouldn’t be in this bed. He should be on the court. Why? Why does this keep happening? His heart can’t take much more of this and he can’t stop the tears from escaping, it feels like his blood is made of ice, racing through his heart and causing shooting pains.

Hinata’s dying.

Again.

There’s nothing he can do, there’s never anything he can do. He stumbles to his side and puts his hand on the bed near Hinata’s, unsure of himself but wanting to offer Hinata any comfort he can.

He’s dying.

 

He’s dead.

  
And then the world explodes into swirling color.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to come yell at me, my url is now anxietykageyama 
> 
> We're getting very close to the 'wtf was going on' chapter, and also the already completed chapters once again.
> 
> I bet you thought on like three separate occasions was going to be the 'Hinata died' line didn't you?   
> (You were right, I just couldn't bring myself to actually do it until they talked again)


	9. Kageyama's worrying reaches new heights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's only so much the human brain can handle, especially when its something like this. Living someone you love dying over and over? Kageyama doesn't understand how to deal with this, not one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHATS THIS? AN UPDATE?! I'm sorry it's so short and took so long but I didn't feel like it needed to be dragged out. The beginning just didn't want to be written. I am pretty proud of the end result anyway though.
> 
> This fic is a bit over a year old now, and to all of you that've stuck with me this whole time, thank you. I love you a lot. We're getting really close to the end though! It doesn't seem like it from the chapter count but trust me.
> 
> WE BROKE 50K!

Kageyama held his head as the world spun nauseatingly, and then he’s sitting up with a migraine, in bed.

He stares at the calendar on his wall. He’s months in the past.

He breaks down and cries.

_What is happening to me?!_

\-----

When he lays eyes on Hinata a few days later, a fierce wave of protectiveness washes over him, burning like fire in his veins. He tries to quash it down with an iron will, but it’s always there, boiling under the surface, and fire will melt earth eventually.

He’s proud of himself, he acts normally for a full week before he snaps. His hold on his temper breaks at...nothing really. Some small thing that finally set him off. He stops himself after a few sentences, looking away. He needs to get ahold of himself. He can’t do this, he can’t become this. He can do this. He can control his worry, Hinata’s fine, and any action on his part one way or another just leads to his death. He just has to be normal, and this will finally stop.

It has to.

He can’t stop worrying.

\-----

The entire team is worried, words are exchanged when he’s out of earshot, wondering what on earth is up with their setter. He’s even more short tempered than ever before, and he pulls Hinata away from every corner, every door, every turn, every crack, every….everything!

“Stop it!” Hinata’s voice rings out, “Just stop already! What is _wrong_ with you?”

“...I’m sorry…” there’s the sound of retreating footsteps.

 

This exchange happens more and more often.

 

They argue more and more every day. Their comradeship is almost gone.

 

Kageyama doesn’t sleep anymore (which doesn’t help matters). He doesn’t understand, why can’t he just stop? He’s not even doing it consciously he just reaches out and pulls Hinata out of the way of...whatever perceived threat he sees. Without breaking stride or sentence. He needs to stop, he’s tried making a conscious effort to stop but it just doesn’t work.

Everytime he tries to stop himself he just remembers when he let his guard down last time and the bus…

He’s too sick to his stomach with worry to sleep.

Something….something has to break, it has to change, Hinata’s going to hate him before much longer, and the team won’t be far behind him.

His thoughts shoot to Suga but….he shies away from it, he’s already stolen his position, he doesn’t need to burden him with his troubles. He’s done that enough anyway.

But…

\-----

It was impossible to say what was more daunting, talking to Hinata, or confessing to Asahi. He wasn’t sure what had brought him here, but he wanted to--needed to get this whole thing off his chest if he had a chance of salvaging the situation, and clearly Hinata would not respond well. Not that he was expecting Asahi to be any better, but he wasn’t as terrified of a falling out with the ace like he was with Hinata. He couldn’t go through Hinata rejecting him again, which was why he was here.

Outside their ace’s house.

At dusk.

He probably looked like a creep or something. But Asahi was someone who might be able to understand his anxiety like nobody else on the team, before it drove Hinata away again. But he couldn’t bring himself to knock on the door, he should probably just leave. He shouldn’t bother the third year who had other things to worry about.

With that thought he turned to leave, nodding slightly to himself.

“Kageyama?”

He spun back around, red-faced. “A-Asahi-san!” he blurted, not expecting him to lean out a window to call to him. Probably having watched him for awhile while he just stood outside his house.

“I-Uh..” Asahi frowned slightly, “Did you want to...come in?” he offered.

“W-well I…” his throat went dry, he couldn’t find it in him to deny or accept the offer. So he was once again awkwardly standing outside his house.

“Wait there.” Asahi said, pulling his head back in and presumably going to open the door to let him in.

Kageyama shifted on his feet, he really didn’t want to do this anymore, the fire had gone out. He had to deal with all of this himself, he knew it.

The door opened, knocking him out of his thoughts.

He cautiously walked in, not really wanting to be there but unwilling to just leave now. “P-pardon the intrusion.” he peeked around the bit of the house he could see.

“I uh-you looked like you had something you needed to say--while you were out there waiting I mean!” Asahi stumbled over his words a bit. “I don’t really know why you would come to me of all people, but-uh-I’d be glad to help in anyway I can.” he continued, leading him to the couch.

Kageyama fought with himself internally. “It’s uh...hard to explain…there’s this...thing that’s been happening...and it’s hard to believe.” he could still back down from this, confess his gay crush and pretend that was what had been bothering him. He didn’t have to tell him what was really wrong…

“Its not like you’re back from the dead or anything.” Asahi laughed slightly.

“Well not exactly…” he said before he could stop himself.

“What?” Asahi blinked, shocked out of his own nervousness.

He took a deep breath. “It’s...it’s like this…” he sat down on the couch. “I don’t even know how long ago it started, months at least, and I uh...I need you to not interrupt, okay?” he chanced a glance up at the ace, who looked completely confused but nodded, sitting in a chair so he could look at him from an angle instead of straight on.

“I-none of this is going to make any sense to you.” he muttered, scowling at the table.

“It probably won’t if it has to do with being back from the dead.” Asahi attempted to joke, “But, all the same, I’ll listen, and help if I can.”

Kageyama nodded shakily. “O-okay. So uh..it ‘started’ months ago…” he paused, still unsure. “Well, basically there-there was a lockdown. And uh, the short version is...that uh...Hinata...died for me.” he tugged at his fingers but didn’t look at Asahi. “A-and that was horrible and everything and I dealt with it as best as I could but then-but then the next thing I knew I was in the gym and Hinata was receiving a ball with his dumbass face.

He went blind, and I didn’t pay close enough attention to him and he-he died _again_. It was...it was horrible not once, but _twice_ he died. But, yet again I ended up with him alive again. There was...something.” he waved his hand slightly, “Going on with his family, so he was drawing back from everyone. I thought he hated me, and so did everyone else. I quit the team, but he came after me to convince me to rejoin. He...he died before I got the chance to. Then…” he frowned, it was hard to remember the exact order of things. “Then it got even weirder. I ended up back at the first match I met him at, and there was some...kind of soulmate deal?” the details were fuzzy. “Anyway we were soulmates, but obviously he died again. The next time...the only thing I really remember is a nightmare I had that was-uh, really gorey and vivid. But the strange thing is the dream I had after _that_. Hinata didn’t die but, I still uh, ended up somewhere else anyway…” he paused, considering that. That was weird, maybe Hinata had died while he was asleep or something? _After the roof_? “Uh the next thing that happened...uh I got beat up protecting Hinata, and...uh...well…” he couldn’t force the words out. “H-Hinata died, obviously.” he brushed it off. He couldn’t burden Asahi with all the gorey details.

“And then, the last time. Well before now. Anyway, I...I guess I just hit a wall or something? I...it was hard for me to focus on anything, Hinata just kept dying no matter what I did and it was tearing me apart and I didn’t know how to make it better! And I ended up telling him a short version of this and he uh-thought I was crazy. He started avoiding me again, but to some degree I didn’t care, if it would just keep him alive. Eventually we talked and he forgave me but-but then he died again. A-and now I’m here,” tears were filling his eyes. “A-and I don’t get why this is happening to me! Why this keeps happening! What’s the point! He just-he just keeps dying! I can’t take it anymore! I can’t-I really can’t deal with him dying again and again. And it’s not just all in my head, I lived an entire month and a half of a broken bone! It-it’s all real! And I don’t understand what’s happening or why or what I’m supposed to do about it! I-I just love the dumbass and want him to live!”

There were several minutes of silence before he hazarded a glance up at Asahi, who looked stunned. He was sure that that was the last thing he’d been expecting when he saw a first year outside his house and Kageyama himself didn’t know what to do with what had happened.

Asahi caught him staring and cleared his throat slightly. “You-well-I…” he trailed off, clearly not knowing where to start. “Are you sure you’re not just im-”

“I’m not crazy, it’s not nightmares or hallucinations, or anything logical! I don’t know how to explain it but it keeps happening…” he cast his thoughts back, what was there he could say that would convince him, what future knowledge could he have, that he couldn’t know in this timeline. “I...I know that you’re a talented baker.” he threw out, looking up at him sharply, “Because a birthday was during one of the...whatevers and you baked a cake!”

Asahi flinched back in surprise, eyes going wide. “What else?”

“I-I don’t know uh…” he cast his thoughts back more. “You get headaches from having your hair up in a tight bun sometimes and you worry it’ll make your hair fall out!” he looked at him again.

His jaw dropped. “I haven’t voiced that to anyone…”

“You do later, and you start wearing a small headband so the bun can be looser.” he’s so close to having Asahi believe him. He’s never been so glad to overhear a conversation, to have Hinata have a bit of a fixation on their ace.

Asahi stared at him for several eternal minutes. “I believe you.” he said finally.

Kageyama sagged into the couch. “What can I do?” he asks, casting his gaze to the ceiling. “Why can’t I stop being so overprotective? Why can’t I stop worrying? Why can’t I stop fighting with him?”

“Kageyama, you’re under so much stress I’m surprised your hair isn’t grey.” he shot with a small smile. “This is normal, all these things going on with you. People you care about have died, right in front of you, and you haven’t been given the proper time to deal with it from how you talk. But it sounds like you’re doing nothing but dwelling on it, you’re not looking at the here and now, you’re grieving or you’re worrying about the future. Take a deep breath and just focus on the now, don’t worry about all the what-ifs and have beens. It’ll help.”

Kageyama looked at him in slight surprise.

“W-well I’m just speaking from a place of anxiety. It helps me, it might help you. And uh, I’ll do my best to help you out with Hinata.” he smiled at him. “You’re strong enough to get through this Kageyama.”

He nodded slightly. Focusing on the now? Stopping worrying about what could happen or what had happened? It sounded...pretty spot on. Especially from just another kid a couple years older than him. “Thank you, for...everything.” he finally said.

“I mean this whole situation makes my head hurt if I think about it, but all I can do is my best to help you get through it.”

\-----

This talk came too late.

Something felt different the next day at practice. He couldn’t pinpoint what, exactly that was, but something in the gym was different.

He shook those thoughts off, he couldn't get caught up in things that didn’t matter, he had to focus on the here and now, had to give Hinata the best tosses he could.

“You can do better than that Kageyama!” Hinata barks out after the next toss. He’d scored the point, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

“H-Hinata, it looked perfect to me…” Asahi tried to defuse some of Hinata’s irritation.

“Well he can do better!” he huffed, turning away.

Kageyama was confused and hurt, not understanding what he was possibly doing wrong. But, nonetheless, he still tried to do better, tried to rise to Hinata’s expectations.

“Kageyama!” he heard the call for the toss. “Here!”

The ball reached his fingertips, and he absorbed and redirected the energy, right to where Hinata would jump. Just like always.

There was no answering thump-thump of a hit and connection. Unlike always.

Instead there was the quiet thump of a ball hitting the ground, several seconds too late. The sound of it bouncing across the floor to some corner of the gym. Unlike always.

It was a sound he was familiar with.

The gym went dead silent, not a whisper, not a whoosh of cloth, barely even the panting of tired high schoolers.

Kageyama felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, but he stood, frozen in that position. Unable--unwilling to look, to confirm what he feared. Feeling like he was made of stone.

The gym remained silent, until he was unable to take it any longer. He knew he was being stared at by everyone in the gym, he could feel it. He turned and looked.

There was Hinata.

Not having even begun his run up.

Something inside just…gives. Gives in a way it’s not supposed to. He just stares at Hinata, who’s staring back at him.

Inside his chest this little ball of...determination? Hope? Love? Whatever had been keeping him going, it just starts to crumble away. He stares at Hinata and sees a stranger. A stranger making demands he doesn’t understand, a stranger that said he would always be there to hit his tosses who just called for one and didn’t even try. His heart seizes in his chest with the memory of the last time it happened.

A stranger he does not--can not--love.

The gym is still silent, aborted moves from various team members as they all wait for him to respond. Wait for Hinata to laugh and say it was a prank, wait for….anything really.

A laugh does go up, a mocking, bitter laugh. It only lasted a few seconds before Kageyama turned and left. He was done, done with Hinata, done with Karasuno, done with...this stupid death cycle he was in.

The gym was silent again, in shock at that reaction.

“Why did you do that?” came the soft question. “ _Why_ did you _do_ that!” followed the yell, from none other than their ace.

Before anyone could get over their shock that Asahi was the one to break the silence, Hinata was laughing.

“The king doesn’t care. You saw how he just walked out.” he rolled his eyes and pretended like nothing had happened.

Asahi was visibly shaking, shoulders rising, “He doesn’t... _care_ ?” he demanded lowly. “Why would you think he _doesn’t care_?”

“He was becoming a king again, I was wrong about him and his old team was right.”

Asahi marched across the gym, “You. Me. Outside. Right now.” he commanded on his way out, clearly expecting Hinata to comply.

Hinata stared at the door he’d gone out in shock for a moment.

“ _NOW!_ ”

He scampered towards the door with wide eyed terror. Asahi was terrifying when he yelled.

When he got outside Asahi wasn’t just waiting for him, he was walking off and he hurried after him, not saying a word and to some degree wondering if he was about to die.

Asahi waited until they were a fair distance from any buildings before turning and glaring at him. “You think he doesn’t care? You think he’s becoming a king again?” he asked softly.

Hinata nodded firmly, not about to back down.

“Would you like to know the truth? You want to know why he’s so short and seems to be arguing with you more? Why he panics at the slightest sign of danger?”

He nodded again, slightly hesitant. If Asahi was acting like this he knew something he didn’t know, something big.

“It will sound crazy, but I know it to be true.” he started, not looking away from him. “Kageyama is suffering. Kageyama has lived through you dying a half dozen times or more! He knows things I’ve never told a soul.” well one thing, but he needed Hinata to believe. “Kageyama is stressed out from worry about you dying, because he doesn’t know how to deal with it if you were to die again.” he scoffed slightly, “Though, you may have just solved that little problem for him, I’m not sure he cares if you live or die anymore.” he knew in his gut he was wrong, but all the better to drive the point home.

“Asahi…” he stared at him in confusion. “What are you talking about...me dying?”

“I don’t know how to explain it, I just know that he showed up outside my house, shaken up and distracted and spilled his guts to me. He was terrified. He needed someone to talk to, and when he tried to tell you you apparently died as a direct result. I don’t know all the details, but you can’t deny he changed instantly one day. In some way it makes sense.”

Hinata frowned, chewing on his lip in thought. “So you’re saying...Kageyama is stressed out about me dying and that’s why he changed so much? I...that still doesn’t make any sense. I mean, someone you know dying is horrible, but like, to this degree?” he shook his head slightly. “It doesn’t…”

“Maybe you should be having this conversation with him. He can explain far better than I can after all.”

“I...guess I will…” Hinata said softly, still baffled at this conversation. It had been so simple, the scare of last year had shaken him out of his attitude, but only temporarily. Once he was back on a team and things were going well, of course he would revert.

But...he hadn’t tried just talking to him, or pointing it out to him. He’d just gotten upset and then...did the same thing his previous team had, and unlike the previous two, he’d seen the looks on the faces of the team. Stunned and varying degrees of horrified at what had occurred.

He nodded slightly, he would talk to Kageyama. He could pretend otherwise but he’d been shaken when Kageyama had changed so suddenly.

\-----

It was weird. To think of a life where he didn’t consider Hinata...anything to him. Hinata was just a person...a person that existed. He was torn between he didn’t deserve Hinata, and that he knew he had contributed to the problem. But he’d tried! He’d tried so hard...he just...he just wanted him to live, and he saw a chance for death around every corner and he hated it! He was so paranoid and it was exhausting, he barely slept anymore, he kept having nightmares of Hinata dying in new ways.

It was...painful to think of Hinata hating him like he did. He’d ignored him before but that wasn’t the same thing as--

He took a few deep calming breaths, putting his head between his legs. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what it wasn’t like. He had proof that this Hinata at the very least hated him. This Hinata. He scoffed at his own thoughts. This was so messed up, he was just a teen, he didn’t sign up for this...timeline hopping or whatever he was doing. He didn’t sign up for this, he just wanted to play volleyball. He just wanted to go to nationals and the olympics. He had big dreams yes, but he didn’t want anything like this. Was what he did in middle school really so horrible that he deserved all of this? Why...just...why…?

He didn’t know how long he sat there, circling thoughts and sadness, stuck in memories of Hinata dying mixed with the happy times. The wind blowing through his hair as he tried to push back all the horrible memories Hinata had brought back. He recalled vividly any number of nightmares.

Yet the world still turned, he sat there, feeling like the world was ending but it kept turning, the sun kept shining, kept moving across the sky. Kids still went about their days, as did parents and teachers and stressed out college kids, life just steadily moved on, regardless of him.

All those times Hinata died, time still marched on, _he_ moved to a new universe where Hinata died anew, but time still marched on in those previous ones didn’t it? It wasn’t like they just sprung into existence to hurt him, he couldn’t bring himself to even pretend that was an option. There had to be some rhyme or reason to it, he wasn’t special, he wasn’t going to save the world or anything like that. He just wanted to save one kid, was that so horrible? At this point he’d rather go back in time and stop his own birth than continue in this cycle.

Because he knew, even if this Hinata was a stranger, he would still feel broken all over again if he died. It didn’t matter that Hinata hated him, his stupid heart refused to stop loving him anyway.

He wished he could just go back to when he didn’t feel anything anymore.

“Kageyama!”

He raised his head haltingly, and there, in the stairway, stood Hinata, looking...relieved to see him?

“Kageyama you-you idiot you ran off and I couldn’t find you its been hours have you been here this whole time?” he rushed towards him.

“Wh..en..o..m...re.” he mumbled into his knees as he lowered his head again.

“Huh?”

“Wh...ap..en...o...m...ere.”

“Kageyama I can’t hear you speak up!” he reached out as if to shake him.

He jerked away, head snapping up and glaring at him. “What happened to, ‘I’m here’!?” he demanded. “What happened to ‘I’ll hit any toss I can get’?”

“K-kage-”

“I-I know, I know I’ve not been easy to get along with b-but that was uncalled for!” he snapped, unable to stop himself. “Just….stay away from me. I get it.” the fight drained out of him as fast as it came and he lowered his head to his knees again.

“Kageyama…” he started, unsure of how to continue. The anger had long given way to worry and he was mostly relieved to just find him finally. “A-Asahi-san, he told me what he knew of what was going on. Told me I had no right to think you didn’t care.” it was best to just get it out there. “I’d like to hear it from you.” he added.

Kageyama sighed, of course, Hinata wouldn’t want to talk to him if someone didn’t make him. He raised his head, tilting it back and looking up at the sky. “I’ve lived you dying a number of times. I don’t want you to die. I’m worried and being too overprotective but I don’t know how to stop. I’m sorry.” He bit back the ‘I’m in love with you’ that tried to spill out.

Hinata stared at him, waiting to see if he’d go on. “I...I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I believe you. I’m sorry too, for what I did in the gym. I was just so mad and upset, I just...acted in the way that would hurt you the most. I don’t know how to help you not be so overprotective, but I’d like to try if you’re okay with that. I’d like to try and fix this big huge mess.” he wondered around the rooftop a bit as he talked. “I understand why you’ve been acting like you have, kinda, its hard to wrap my head around it. But I think we can probably come to an agreement that we can both live with, can’t we?” he offered.

Kageyama nodded slightly, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “You’re taking this better than I expected…”

“Yeah its just...I feel like part of me knew you were acting weird because you thought everything was a threat, but to some degree that just upset me more because I can take care of myself.” he sighed slightly. “And well, you did your best to back off when I got really mad at you, I just, lost all patience.”

“I’m sorry.” he said again. “I just...it felt like if I couldn’t see you, if I couldn’t watch and make sure you'd be okay, like you’d die, for sure.”

“Yeah.” he leaned back. “But we’re us, surely we can figure it out.” he laughed slightly. “You’ll worry less and less over time and then it won’t be an issue anymore.”

Kageyama climbed to his feet, looking over at him. “That’s a horrible plan.”

“But you admit it’s a plan!” he grinned.

Kageyama snorted slightly, “Dumbass.”

“Idiiiot~” he shot back.

“Come on dumbass, let’s go back to the team.”

“Coming.” he pushed off the fence, and fell further backwards? “K-Kage-!”

Kageyama spun back around, seeing the fence fall outwards and Hinata going with it, seeing his wide terrified eyes, and tried to rush towards him, even as he knew he was too far away.

_After the roof._

“HINATA!” he screamed, throwing his upper half off the roof in a desperate grab for him.

“--yama.” came the breathless finish, hand tight in his.

“I...caught you?” he looked up, or was that down? at him with wide eyes. _You’ll catch up._

Hinata laughed, high pitched and terrified. “I don’t know how but you did!”

He started to drag himself up, but when he tried to raise himself back up onto the roof, he felt himself slide forward slightly and immediately dropped back down with a racing heartbeat in his ears and a stab of pain in his abdomen.

Hinata’s fingers dug tighter into his arm.

“I-I’m sorry. I got this.” he said firmly, shaking off the brief terror, scooting backwards as much as he could before he started raising him up. He could do this, he wasn’t going to let Hinata die, not now. He’d caught him, and he wasn’t going to let go.

“K-Kageyama stop!” Hinata’s voice suddenly rang out and he froze in place, looking down at him.

“W-what is it? Am I hurting you?”

“I-well kinda but that’s not the point, you’re sliding forward again!” he rushed out, “I-you can’t drag me up half off the roof!”

“So, what are we supposed to do? I’m not going to just drop you Hinata!” he snapped back, it hadn’t slipped by him that he was sliding forward, he was hoping he could at least get Hinata high enough to grab the edge.

“Let’s just think about this for a second. If you keep trying to do it this way, you’re gonna fall.”

“And if I don’t do anything your grip will fail, what’s your point?”

“Can you get yourself further back?”

“Not really…” he muttered, not without the use of his hands. “Look, I just have to get you high enough to grab the edge, then I can get myself up and help you up the rest of the way. You have to work with me, we don’t have time.”

“O-okay.” he nodded slightly, staring at what he could only assume was the edge.

“One...two…” he said before he started straining to lift him up again. He was aware of but ignored as he slid forward with the effort. He just had to get him high enough, then it didn’t matter what happened to him.

The cold breeze that flew up his shirt told him he was running out of time, he was about to fall over himself.

“Kageyama! Let go!” Hinata cried in terror. “You’re going to fall!” he sounded like he was crying.

“No!” he gripped onto him tighter. “I won’t let go! You’re almost there.” he added.

“So what if I am? What about you?” his grip was tightening and loosening on his arm.

“I’ll be fine dumbass!” he quickly let go of him with one hand and then used it to try and drag him up by whatever clothes he could grasp. He could hear Hinata scrambling at the side of the building, trying to help him.

And then suddenly he was gone. Hand tugged forcefully from his grip.

“Hinata!” he gasped, as his straining muscles threw himself backwards. He scrambled back over the edge but he was far too far away. “HINATA!” he screamed, tears filling his eyes.

Maybe that second dream had meant nothing after all.

He’d caught him on the rooftop, but he still died.

What was the point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I almost didn't kill him off there, but I had to stay true to my plotting from a year ago, I knew.  
> Fun fact #2: He goes to Asahi cause I read a fic with douchebag Suga and out of spite wrote Suga out of this chatper, and Asahi needs more love.  
> Fun fact #3: The order in which Kageyama spills his guts is a bit more in line with the order I actually wrote things, opposed to actual order vs posting order.
> 
> If you need something super fluffy to get over this, I wrote a fic about Kags playing with dogs that you can read.
> 
> Next chapter is the reveal chapter and I'm so excited! It's also going to be super fluffy I promise! No death, not even dream death.
> 
> So basically I have chapters 11-15 waiting to go up, and hopefully I'll get the remaining couple done before much longer, trust me when I say they'll be easy I just haven't worked on them to get the last few chapters done. So Once I finish chapter 10 (which I'm so so so so so excited about) I'm gonna start updating like every other day or so, because they're shorter chapters. :) Look forward to that!
> 
> Small update, I'm like done with chapter 10 already. Told ya I was excited. Took me like 2 hours to hammer it out but I do want to make it better in the next day or so so maybe update like 24th or 25th :)


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